Relationships LongDistance, Rebound Abusive Getting Help With Abusive Relationships
Abuse is a serious matter. How to get help in an abusive relationship. This is Dr. Paul, author of Boomer Girls, a boomer woman's guide to men and dating, and national talk show host. As a relationship consultant, I've had way too many people call, both male and female. Oftentimes, we look at this as being a female being abused, problem, but this is not strictly a female being abused problem. If someone has a serious mental condition, called bipolar condition, that in itself can be problematic, very seriously problematic. In the event that.
You are in that type of relationship, there is only one thing to do, and that is to seek professional help. You can't get it from a book. You can't get it from the internet. You must seek professional help, with the significant other, that you're having that abusive experience with. If that other decides that they do not want to participate, it's time to not walk, run. Get out. It is only going to get worse, and it may never change. Keep this in mind. We don't change people. At best, we modify behavior. That's what behavioral.
Psychology is all about, modifying behavioral, just like Pavlov's dogs. You know, you ring the bell, the dog salivates, so we can modify the behavior, but you're not going to change the person, and if you think for a moment, that you are going to change that person, you are entirely mistaken. You are wrong. Face it. Don't go to your friends and say, What can I do because they have no clue, anymore than you have. You need professional help. Go there. Get it done, or leave period, end of sentence. This is Dr. Paul. May your.
Healing after an abusive relationship
My name is Jillynne. I was in the Navy. My original job was Corpsman, but I broke both of my legs and my left hip doing some training, and spent a lot of time in recovery. But while I was doing that, I had a desk job. They were really good about it, and they wanted me to be set up with the VA at least medically so that when they did cut me loose and give me my severance pay, I wasn't paying to see a doctor. So that kind of got me there, VAwise.
While I was on terminal leave, I married somebody who was in the Army. Things started to get very there was no gray area. It was very, very good or it was very, very bad. And he started becoming violent and it was pretty unrelenting. I mean, it was bad. Once we got back stateside, it was just too much. They finally did let him off of active duty. I did seek some help from the VA. They had known what went on, and it was really scary. With the anxiety, your heart races.
It goes just insanely fast. You sweat. You get paranoid. You keep looking over your shoulder. Insomnia. You don't sleep. Your body's so tired, especially after these anxiety and panic attacks, it really feels like you ran a marathon. You can feel your heart palpitating very quickly. There was a lot of trust issues, and I had doctors that worked through it with me. It made my anxieties very high. And I was always looking over my shoulder, just never trusting somebody. You feel that the person that you trust most in the world,.
If that can happen to them, then what about somebody you don't trust How bad can they hurt you And it made me a very, very afraid and scared person for a very long time. My second exhusband civilian, but he had different issues. He was raised in a house of violence. His father was very abusive to his mom. And I didn't see the warning signs. It was after that that I got the most help for what the root of the problem was. And I was very aggressive with it.
When I went to the VA here, I kept telling them, something's not right. Something's not right. I'm still very nervous, and I don't know it is. I can't tell you what it is. So I pushed, and they were able to find out what it is and give a diagnosis to what it is. And they said it's PTSD. And I kind of laughed at them. I'm like, I was not injured in combat. I did not see my shipmates pass away, or anything like that, or get shot. And they're like, no, it happened in your own home.
So that was kind of eye opening, too. There's different reasons for it happening. The VA was able to help me by finding out people that they knew of in the community. There was a social worker down there, and she's like, there's a women's center. There's this one. There's story time that you can go to, and this is a safe place. They were able to kind of point me in the right direction. But the biggest thing was the groups, and just getting to talk to the other women.
Spot the Signs of Abusive Relationships DoSomething
From the glorification of Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey and Edward Cullen in Twilight, emotionally abusive and manipulative relationships are pretty much everywhere we look in the media. And this isn't just a problem in the mediastatistically you probably are or know someone else who's in one of these relationships. 1 in 3 young people will be in a physically or emotionally abusive or otherwise unhealthy relationship. That's why I'm teaming up with DoSomething for their campaign 1 in 3 of Us in order to highlight and bring awareness.
To emotional and physical abuse and manipulative relationships. In all abusive relationships, there's an element of manipulation and power where one partner is trying to dominate and control the other partner. And this can be really subtle because, I mean, it's called manipulation for a reason. Sometimes the people in these relationships don't even realize it's happening. They might have a vague suspicion that something isn't right but unless they know how to spot the signs, then they're not going to be able to pick out these abusive and manipulative behaviors. By being able to spot and act on the signs of an abusive.
Or manipulative partner, then you can help promote healthy relationship behavior. I'm gonna tell you how to spot some of the signs of unhealthy relationship behavior by using the 1 in 3 of Us Abusive Relationships Guide. If you've found a partner who makes you feel love, respected, supported, and in control of yourself then that's awesome. Also, I'm gonna point out that it's important that these things go both ways and you make your partner feel like that too. On the other side of that, things like jealousy, control, dishonesty,.
And disrespect are signs of an unhealthy relationship. There are several red flags that you should definitely pay attention to if you notice them in your partner's behavior. Such as getting jealous if you hang out with other people other than them. Or if they make fun of you or disrespect you either when you guys are alone or in front of other people. Another really big red flag is if they isolate you from other people that support you such as your friends and family. This is usually a sign to get out of the relationship if you.
Can. If you want to learn more information you can sign up to receive the 1 in 3 of Us kit that includes three Spot the Signs guides and three metallic tattoos that spell out 1 in 3 in morse code. There's three of them so you can keep one for yourself and then give two to your friends to help promote awareness of abusive and unhealthy relationships. If you want to sign up you can either text MARINA to 38383 or you can go in the description and there's a link to sign up there. Anyway, thank you for watching this tutorial. If you.
Sexual Abuse, Consent, and Culture
Good Morning John. I want to start this off by saying that I am not a doctor, I'm not a counselor, I haven't experienced sexual abuse, I'm just a person with some thoughts that hopefully could be helpful. To someone. Sex is complicated, in like, every way imaginable. This is not aided by the fact that we have a general societal taboo against discussing it. So when we do talk about it, it's often shrouded in metaphors and innuendo and bombasticity. That means a lot of the sexual norms of our.
Culture are mysterious, and we don't actually talk about them we just sort of infer them. I think that's dumb. And that's part of why I helped Nick and Lindsey start sexplanations. I think that our culture has kind of a messed up relationship with sex. We somehow have made these relationships, uh, into, like, predatorprey relationships. Like, one person is the, you know, the cruise missile of desire, and the other one is the sweet, chaste little kitten. And the cruise missile has to get the kitten and the kitten runs away. I don't.
Know why it's a cruise missile and a kitten. I do know, though, that this is a dumb system. I think that a lot of the joy and wonder and excitement of a romantic relationship comes from those moments of excitedly discovering that both parties are into this. We're in we're both into this! That's a great feeling! The attack missilekitten relationship does not encourage that. I wanna be clear, I'm explaining culture but I'm not excusing the behavior. When we're set up to assume that the kitten is gonna run whether the kitten wants the cruise missile.
Or not, that enables abuse. In my opinion this is, I'm sure not all of the reason, but one of of the big reasons why sexual abuse is so common in our culture. Okay, I said sexual abuse, but what what is sexual abuse Legally, the definition has to be very specific, so that it can stand up in court. So it's different state to state, country to country. But for the purposes of having a general definition, let's just say that sexual abuse is when one party is being coerced into doing something sexual that they.
Do not want to do. That can be because the victim is incapacitated, or because the abuser is an authority figure, or because the victim is placed in a dangerous situation where they feel like they don't have the option of saying no or getting out of the situation. The gender of the parties is irrelevant, it can be sex, it can be kissing. If one person doesn't want to be doing what they are doing and they are being coerced or pressured into doing it, then that is abuse. And it is ubiquitous. And it needs to not.
Be, because it holds us back as a culture. We have to rid ourselves of that outdated and rotten conception that sexual relationships are like predatorprey things. Let's zoom in for this. Romantic relationships can be wonderful, but you have to have that magical thing, consent. And not saying no is not the same as saying yes. We need to communicate, we need to be sensitive, we need to talk about what we do and don't want to do, and we have to respect and NOT pressure people when they don't want to do something.
This tutorial is part of a long conversation that is going to continue to be had for a long time. But John and I have some ideas about how to keep it moving. First, we've already started working with a group of nerdfighters, including some survivors of sexual abuse, who will be working as a task force against abuse and assault. Second, we want to produce and fund a series of tutorials that discusses abuse and consent and sexual relationships, especially in light of the new digital world, like where does.
Skype fit into it all, right And third, we're looking to partner with some existing sexual assault organizations to bring their work and their resources into our community, and hopefully into other online communities as well. John, I know we're not gonna fix the whole world but I'm pleased to be in a position where we can at least start to help enable some positive change. I'll see you on Tuesday. If you're in an abusive relationship or you think you might be and you're just not sure, there are links in the description to help you figure out where you're at, and to people.
Lingerie company helping women fleeing abusive relationships
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