Rethinking infidelity a talk for anyone who has ever loved Esther Perel
Why do we cheat? And why do happy people cheat? And when we say quot;infidelity,quot; what exactly do we mean? Is it a hookup, a love story, paid sex, a chat room, a massage with a happy ending? Why do we think that men cheat out of boredom and fear of intimacy, but women cheat out of loneliness and hunger for intimacy? And is an affair always the end of a relationship?.
For the past 10 years, I have traveled the globe and worked extensively with hundreds of couples who have been shattered by infidelity. There is one simple act of transgression that can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness and their very identity: an affair. And yet, this extremely common act is so poorly understood. So this talk is for anyone who has ever loved.
Adultery has existed since marriage was invented, and so, too, the taboo against it. In fact, infidelity has a tenacity that marriage can only envy, so much so, that this is the only commandment that is repeated twice in the Bible: once for doing it, and once just for thinking about it. (Laughter) So how do we reconcile what is universally forbidden,.
Yet universally practiced? Now, throughout history, men practically had a license to cheat with little consequence, and supported by a host of biological and evolutionary theories that justified their need to roam, so the double standard is as old as adultery itself. But who knows what’s really going on under the sheets there, right? Because when it comes to sex,.
The pressure for men is to boast and to exaggerate, but the pressure for women is to hide, minimize and deny, which isn’t surprising when you consider that there are still nine countries where women can be killed for straying. Now, monogamy used to be one person for life. Today, monogamy is one person at a time. (Laughter) (Applause).
I mean, many of you probably have said, quot;I am monogamous in all my relationships.quot; (Laughter) We used to marry, and had sex for the first time. But now we marry, and we stop having sex with others. The fact is that monogamy had nothing to do with love.
Men relied on women’s fidelity in order to know whose children these are, and who gets the cows when I die. Now, everyone wants to know what percentage of people cheat. I’ve been asked that question since I arrived at this conference. (Laughter) It applies to you.
Iraq Explained ISIS Syria and War
Oh dearâ€¦ Just when you thought the Iraq problem was solved because you haven’t heard about it for a while, everything’s back to murderous chaos and terror. What happened? In 2003, the US invaded Iraq because of its alleged connections to terrorism and weapons of mass destruction. At the time, Saddam Hussein, a brutal dictator, ruled the country. He was part of the Sunni minority.
And suppressed the Shia majority. Iraq was conquered fairly quickly, but the US had no plan for the country. The untilthen suppressed Shia majority took over and began oppressing the Sunnis, because suppressing other faiths has proven to be such a good idea. Unsurprisingly, a Sunni rebel uprising began and terrorist groups, like alQaeda, trickled into Iraq.
And local forces, often former Sunni military, began fighting the US troops and the newly formed Iraqi state, peaking in a bloody civil war in 2006. Since then, people in Iraq have basically been segregated by religion. So, in a tragic irony of history, the US invasion led to the formation of the very terrorists the US wanted to eliminate in the first place, because Iraq was now the perfect training ground for terrorism. To understand this complicated conflict better, we need to understand.
The relationship between the two main branches of the Muslim faith: Shia and Sunni Islam. Sunnis make up about 80% of the Muslim world and Shia about 20%. And the hardliners on both sides don’t like each other very much. Saudi Arabia and Iran are the two most powerful players in the game of faiths. They both have no separation of state and religion, domestic problems, and a lot of oil money. And they support groups that fight the other religious orientation.
And one of those terror organizations supported by Saudi Arabia was the Islamic State in Iraq, or ISI for short. In 2010, the Arab Spring happened and changed the whole situation in the Middle East. In Syria, dictator Bashar alAssad didn’t think much of resigning and started a gruesome civil war against his own people. The longer the war went on, the more foreign groups joined the fight, most of them for religious reasons,.
And with the goal of building an Islamic state in the region. And one of them was the infamous ISI, which now became the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria, or ISIS. They had fought in Iraq for years, and had thousands of welltrained and fanatic soldiers. They already quasicontrolled parts of northern Iraq and were very determined to build their religious state. And they changed the game in Syria like noone expected.
ISIS was so unbelievably violent and radical that soon it was a war with almost every other faction of the Syrian rebel armies. They attacked and killed member of other Muslim terrorist groups. In the territories they controlled, they built an Islamic state with rules so strict that even the hardliners of alQaeda and Saudi Arabia were shocked and withdrew their support. ISIS has been accused of responsibility for multiple massacres against civilians, countless suicide bombings, the hostagetaking of women and children,.