How Darwin Can Save Your Marriage
We are designed by evolution to be titillated by erotic novelty, males and females. Given that evolutionary design, it's completely predictable that 10 years of the same thing, whether it's the same music or the same food or the same sex partner, is going to lead to resentment, discomfort, whatever. It'92s going to lead to a diminishment of passion, certainly. So we start with that and then we add to that the notion that we're taught that that shouldn't happen, that if it does happen there's something wrong with you or something wrong with your relationship.'a0.
And so people aren't expecting that to happen, and so they interpret that diminishment of passion as a failure. The point that we're trying to get across in the book is that it's not your fault. It's not your partner's fault. It's the fault of the clash between the sort of animal we are and the sort of society we've designed. And as long as there's that conflict between our biology and our societies, there are going to be these problems. So a harm reduction approach might make a lot more sense than this sort of absolutist approach that a lot of people take where any.
Infidelity, any, you know, my husband looks at porn, that means he doesn't love me anymore. I mean, these sorts of responses to very natural behaviors cause a lot more problems than they solve, I think. I think if marriage is going to survive as an institution, it's going to certainly have to continue adapting to the realities of human nature as opposed to trying to shoehorn human nature into some predetermined shape. The point of marriage is that you want to get old with someone. You want to share your life with someone. Maybe you want to raise children with someone. You want.
To have a certain stability and trust that you couldn't possibly get with shortterm relationships. That's the point of marriage. And by imposing this expectation of sexual exclusivity for 40, 50, 60 years, we're cutting ourselves off from those really important things for something that's essentially trivial. Sex really isn't really that important. It's not that big a deal. And by making it such a big deal, we sabotage things that really are important, these primary relationships.'a0 We have children going through divorces, victimized by the psychological trauma of divorce, over what.
Over what That mommy or daddy had sex with someone else Who cares The problem is, much like the war on drugs, the problem is that we take this absolutist approach to something that people are always going to do. People are always going to smoke marijuana. People are always going to drink alcohol and coffee and whatever. But we make these arbitrary judgments on what's acceptable and what isn'92t, that have nothing to do with the actual harm that anything of these things could cause to people. So we throw people in prison for, you know, growing a marijuana plant on their windowsill.
It makes no sense it causes much more harm than just letting people do what they want to do. And really, whose business is it if a couple decides that they're going to, you know, allow a little casual sexual behavior on the side, especially if, as Dan Savage argues, and I agree, it takes the pressure off the relationship. If the door's open a little bit, you don't feel trapped. It doesn't mean the door has to be swung wide open, but, you know, the fact that it's open a little bit doesn't mean that the.
Florida Premarital Online Course Save $32.50 on your marriage license!
Welcome to the Florida Marriage Prep Course. My name is Dr. Tabitha Johnson I am a relationship expert, author, and speaker, and licensed marriage and family therapist in Florida. First of all, let me just take a minute to say congrats on your recent engagement and upcoming wedding It's such an exciting time and I'm so excited that you decide to look into premarital counseling. This is a tutorialbased program it's interactive and it's designed to help you get ready for marriage. We are licensed in all 67 counties in Florida,.
So that means when you complete this course, you can get a discount on your marriage license, currently it's $32.50 We know you're planning a wedding every dollar counts! And so this is a great way not only for you to save money but for you to get ready for the marriage and a lifelong journey ahead. So let me tell you a little bit about this as well. Not only does this give you a discount, but this also waives the threeday waiting period that means you can actually go get your marriage certificate.
And go get married all on the same day. Now let me tell you a little bit about what this program will do for you. We know that 50 all first marriages end in divorce 50 percent! I don't want you to be one of those statistics. And here's the thing there's so much research that says if that you just learn some basic skills about relationships, that can be totally preventable! That's what you're going to learn in this course. Let me tell you a little bit about how we're different. First of all,.
Our course is tutorialbased you get to watch some short tutorial clips and it gives you a lot of flexibility you can sign in, do a little bit and sign back out and come back at a different time. If you're maybe in a long distance relationship, you can use the same login, watch those tutorials at separate times, and then come back later complete the assignments together. Also, not all course providers that you're going to find online are actually experts in the field at marriage and family. Let me assure you,.
I've spent years and years of time in my education and research focusing on couple relationships and specifically on marriage. Also our program is researchbased. We didn't just throw a lot of content together, we spent time using a program that is researched based and has years and years of research to back up how successful it is at helping couples. Within this course, you're going to watch a short tutorial clips, and then you'll do some activities and assignments with your partner. You can log out, log in, and return at anytime.
As soon as you complete the course, you can download your certificate of completion. That's what you're going to take to the clerk of courts office for your discount. You don't have to wait on our office you just print that right at your computer. Now let me tell you, there are a few counties in Florida that require an original certificate that means we have to mail that to you, so just be sure to check out our website to see if you're county is one of those. I'm so excited be part of this journey with you.
Learn About the Essence of True Love and Save Your Marriage Chana Levitan
This is a response to a response to my last tutorial which is about the power of love and marriage. This guy commented and said true love It's not modern. What's he saying that true love is oldfashioned We don't need it anymore We outgrew it When I saw l those words, true love is not modern I want to cry. A lot of people are selling out of love. People are giving up on the belief that they will ever create a lasting, loving relationship. Often it's because we've been hurt. Beliefs are powerful.
They are like selffulfilling prophecies. If we believe we can't love we are not going to be able to. If we believe we can were already halfway there and we can. You see there is one thing that's never going to change ever that is our need for love. Our need to be loved, our need to be able to love someone else. Just like our body needs water to to live, we need love to live. We'll always need the real deal Long lasting love. To get back on our feet.
We have got to start believing in forever again. Have you noticed that the word forever has become a bad word People say to me Really Do you think I could be with one person forever That sounds so boring. Well at least Hollywood movies are still into forever. And we still go we keep going to to those movies. Why Because deep down inside we all want forever but so many of us are afraid of forever because we don't see its benefits. Forever means when you mess up and we all will,.
You are going to get a chance to fix it. You are going to have an awesome security. Forever means someone's always got your back. Forever means whatever life throws at you someone's in there with you. Forever means you don't grow old alone. Lately I have been interviewing people about why they are getting married in an antimarriage society. This one guy, a performer on West End in London told me marriage beautifies what you are. I did want to be with my girlfriend for the rest of my life not just until.
I got fed up. I think marriage proves how seriously you are about being together forever. Forever is not about your grandparents, it's about you, now. Hollywood is still pushing forever but it never tells us how to get there. So here's a tip to get you started. 1 Never stop dating your spouse I mean. Keep going out and having fun together. 2 A relationship needs to be dynamic to keep growing and discover new inspiring things about each other, especially how you complete and balance each other.
Marriage Divorce How to Save Your Marriage
I'm Joe Cuenco with Family Resources. Today we're going to be talking about working on one of life's most rewarding but greatest challenges, how to save your marriage. It may be an issue of just drifting apart, have you lost what brought you together in the first place Do you have fun Do you have common interests Maybe it's a question of picking up from there. On the other side of the equation it may be that you are too involved in work, sports or other activities that really take away from the family or taking away from.
One another. So you really need to take a look at how you might be able to address those issues. The other thing is, maybe some of the smaller things are not existing. Are you paying attention to one another's needs Are you romantic Are you affectionate Sometimes these are things that can be very helpful in working back towards building a very successful relationship. It could be a matter of paying attention to one another, rubbing each other's backs, holding hands, getting a martini, getting a cup of coffee, paying that special attention.
To one another to show that there's love there, you care about one another and you want to continue to build the relationship. Dr. John Gray has some good advice here, there is a lot of good information out there, many books written on the subject, there are workshops at Family Resources and other entities put on at a federal level, community level, so take advantage of these. Be prepared to give and ultimately you will receive. And that's how we go ahead and mend a broken relationship. I'm Joe Cuenco, Family Resources, relationships.
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