Picture this: You’re fighting with your partner and the tension is rising between you, then all of a sudden you notice a spark of anger in their eyes and KABOOM!!! A massive fight erupts. Now you’ve been here before and you know how these kind of fights end. Usually in icy cold silences with one of you sleepingon the couch and leaving a crater of hurt that could take weeks to recover from. Hi, I’m Bruce Muzik. I’m a relationship coach and I help couples to stop fighting, start connecting and turn their marriages and relationships around. In this tutorial we are going to learn
four counter intuitive strategies to stopany fight from exploding into a volcanic like eruption and actually resolve the conflict in any place… anytime. A big promise?.. I know, and I’ve road tested all four of these strategies in my relationship coaching practice so I know that they work.Here is strategy number 1: Imagine you are in a boxing ring… and your opponent is throwing punches at you left, right and center What do you do? Well, you block andyou duck and you defend yourself and whenever you get an opportunity you throw a coupleof punches back, and they block and defend themselves and you go backwards and forth creating punches. When you’re defending… you
are inviting them to attack and throw punches. When you are attacking, you are inviting them to defend. And what most people don’t see is that defense and attack are two sides of the same coin and as long as you’re defending yourselves you’re inviting an attack and as long as you are attacking you’re inviting your opponentto defend themselves. The only way to stop a fight is to actually step out of the ring… completely. Try this instead: Instead of fighting bedefenseless. You are actually inviting conflict in by defending yourself, so here is an easy way to be defenseless. Find something you can agree with your partner about. Find something in what they’ve said that you can
agree with. You might hypothetically say somethinglike quot;Yes honey, you’re right. I did leave the car headlights on and the battery is flatquot;. With no yelling at you about leaving the lights on in the car. This is going to completely catch them off guard and interrupt that pattern of attack, defend, attack, defend, attack, defend. It will also sooth your partner and calm them down knowing that you’re not defending. That you are actually agreeing with them. But Bruce! I hear you cry… What if I can’t find somethingto agree with? Well… then you’re going to try strategy number two. Strategy number two is to demonstrate that you are listening. You see, we human beings have an almost primal need to feel heard and understood; and half the time your partner
is upset their just wanting you tolisten to them, they just want you to hear them so they can feel that you understandthem and you care about what they are saying. So try this strategy to make you partnerfeel heard and understood. When they are talking with you in an upset tone of voice, instead ofdefending yourself; repeat back to them what they actually said. So you might say somethinglike, quot;So what I am hearing you say honey is that I left the lights on and the car batteryis flat and now you’re gonna be late for work, did I get it?quot; Notice at the end I putthe phrase quot;DID I GET IT?quot; I did this because I want to confirm that I’ve actually understood what my partner says, it shows them how much
I really want to understand what they aresaying, and it’s also a sign of respect and calms down that reptilian part of their brain that might be about to get triggered. When they hear you say quot;Did I get it? They knowthat they are going to have an opportunity to speak and you’re just going to listen,you are not going to be defending. It’s a great way to deescalate conflict. Try it! Itworks like magic. I’ll teach you an even more advance version of this tool in my Love At First Fight coaching program, which I will tell you more about at the end of this tutorial. Now, strategy number three is to take ownership of the situation and apologize for your part in it. But youdid left the headlights on didn’t you? Yeah
Rethinking infidelity a talk for anyone who has ever loved Esther Perel
Translator: Albana TelhaiReviewer: Fex Thaqi Pse tradhÃ«tojmÃ«? Dhe pse njerÃ«zit e lumtur tradhÃ«tojnÃ«? Dhe kur themi â€œpabesiâ€�,Ã§farÃ« nÃ«nkuptojmÃ« saktÃ«sisht? NÃ«nkupton njÃ« bashkim, histori dashurie,seks me pagesÃ«, njÃ« dhomÃ« chati, njÃ« masazh me fund tÃ« lumtur? Pse mendojmÃ« se burrat mashtrojnÃ« ngamÃ«rzija dhe frika e intimitetit, por gratÃ« mashtrojnÃ« nga vetmiadhe etja pÃ«r intimitet?
Dhe a pÃ«rbÃ«n njÃ« aferÃ« gjithmonÃ«fundin e njÃ« marrÃ«dhÃ«nie? PÃ«rgjatÃ« 10 viteve tÃ« fundit,kam udhÃ«tuar nÃ«pÃ«r botÃ« dhe kam punuar gjerÃ«sishtme qindra Ã§ifte tÃ« cilÃ«t kanÃ« qÃ«nÃ«shpartalluar nga tradhÃ«tia. Ã‹shtÃ« njÃ« akt i thjeshtÃ« shkelje i cili mund t’i vjedhÃ«njÃ« Ã§ifti marrÃ«dhÃ«nien e tyre, lumturinÃ« dhe thelbine identitetit tÃ« tyre: njÃ« aferÃ«. E megjithatÃ«, ky akt ekstremishti zakonshÃ«m Ã«shtÃ« kaq pak i kuptuar.
Pra, ky diskutim Ã«shtÃ« pÃ«r cilindoqÃ« ka dashuruar ndonjeherÃ«. Tradhtia bashkÃ«shortore ka ekzistuarqÃ« kur u shpik martesa, po kÃ«shtu dhe tabuja, kundÃ«r saj. NÃ« fakt, tradhÃ«tia ka njÃ« kÃ«mbÃ«ngulje qÃ«martesa mund vetÃ«m ta ketÃ« zili, aq e vÃ«rtetÃ« Ã«shtÃ« kjo saqÃ«,kjo Ã«shtÃ« urdhÃ«resa e vetme qÃ« pÃ«rsÃ«ritet dy herÃ« nÃ« BibÃ«l njÃ« herÃ« pÃ«r kryerjen dhe herÃ«n tjetÃ«rvetÃ«m pÃ«r tÃ« menduarit. (TÃ« qeshura)
Pra, si mund ta pajtojmÃ« atÃ« qÃ«ndalohet universalisht, dhe po universalisht praktikohet? PÃ«rgjatÃ« historisÃ«, burrat praktikishtkishin licensÃ« pÃ«r tÃ« tradhetuar me pasoja minimale, dhe tÃ« mbÃ«shtetur nga njÃ« mori teorishbiologjike dhe evolucionare qÃ« justifikonin nevojÃ«n e tyrepÃ«r tÃ« bredhur, kÃ«shtu qÃ« standardi i dyfishtÃ« Ã«shtÃ« aqi vjetÃ«r sa dhe vetÃ« adulteria. Por kush e di se Ã§farÃ« ndodh nÃ« tÃ« vÃ«rtetÃ«atje nÃ«n Ò«arÒ«afÃ«, apo jo?
Sepse kur vjen fjala te seksi, presioni pÃ«r burratÃ«shtÃ« qÃ« tÃ« mburren dhe ta egzagjerojnÃ«, por presioni pÃ«r gratÃ« Ã«shtÃ« ta fshehin,minimizojnÃ« dhe mohojnÃ«, Ò«ka nuk Ã«shtÃ« e habitshme kur kujton seka ende nÃ«ntÃ« shtete ku gratÃ« mund tÃ« vritenpÃ«r shmangje nga e duhura. Tani, monogamia nÃ«nkuptontenjÃ« person pÃ«r gjithÃ« jetÃ«n. Sot, monogamia nÃ«nkuptonnjÃ« person nÃ« njÃ« kohÃ«. (TÃ« qeshura)
(Duartrokitje) Them se, shumÃ« prej jush mund keni thÃ«nÃ« quot;UnÃ« jam monogam nÃ« tÃ« gjithamarrÃ«dhÃ«niet e mia.quot; (TÃ« qeshura) Dikur, nÃ« fillim martoheshim, dhe bÃ«nim seks pÃ«r herÃ« tÃ« parÃ«. Por tani ne martohemi, dhe ndalojmÃ« sÃ« kryeri seks me tÃ« tjerÃ«t.