Picture this: You’re fighting with your partner and the tension is rising between you, then all of a sudden you notice a spark of anger in their eyes and KABOOM!!! A massive fight erupts. Now you’ve been here before and you know how these kind of fights end. Usually in icy cold silences with one of you sleepingon the couch and leaving a crater of hurt that could take weeks to recover from. Hi, I’m Bruce Muzik. I’m a relationship coach and I help couples to stop fighting, start connecting and turn their marriages and relationships around. In this tutorial we are going to learn

four counter intuitive strategies to stopany fight from exploding into a volcanic like eruption and actually resolve the conflict in any place… anytime. A big promise?.. I know, and I’ve road tested all four of these strategies in my relationship coaching practice so I know that they work.Here is strategy number 1: Imagine you are in a boxing ring… and your opponent is throwing punches at you left, right and center What do you do? Well, you block andyou duck and you defend yourself and whenever you get an opportunity you throw a coupleof punches back, and they block and defend themselves and you go backwards and forth creating punches. When you’re defending… you

are inviting them to attack and throw punches. When you are attacking, you are inviting them to defend. And what most people don’t see is that defense and attack are two sides of the same coin and as long as you’re defending yourselves you’re inviting an attack and as long as you are attacking you’re inviting your opponentto defend themselves. The only way to stop a fight is to actually step out of the ring… completely. Try this instead: Instead of fighting bedefenseless. You are actually inviting conflict in by defending yourself, so here is an easy way to be defenseless. Find something you can agree with your partner about. Find something in what they’ve said that you can

agree with. You might hypothetically say somethinglike quot;Yes honey, you’re right. I did leave the car headlights on and the battery is flatquot;. With no yelling at you about leaving the lights on in the car. This is going to completely catch them off guard and interrupt that pattern of attack, defend, attack, defend, attack, defend. It will also sooth your partner and calm them down knowing that you’re not defending. That you are actually agreeing with them. But Bruce! I hear you cry… What if I can’t find somethingto agree with? Well… then you’re going to try strategy number two. Strategy number two is to demonstrate that you are listening. You see, we human beings have an almost primal need to feel heard and understood; and half the time your partner

is upset their just wanting you tolisten to them, they just want you to hear them so they can feel that you understandthem and you care about what they are saying. So try this strategy to make you partnerfeel heard and understood. When they are talking with you in an upset tone of voice, instead ofdefending yourself; repeat back to them what they actually said. So you might say somethinglike, quot;So what I am hearing you say honey is that I left the lights on and the car batteryis flat and now you’re gonna be late for work, did I get it?quot; Notice at the end I putthe phrase quot;DID I GET IT?quot; I did this because I want to confirm that I’ve actually understood what my partner says, it shows them how much

I really want to understand what they aresaying, and it’s also a sign of respect and calms down that reptilian part of their brain that might be about to get triggered. When they hear you say quot;Did I get it? They knowthat they are going to have an opportunity to speak and you’re just going to listen,you are not going to be defending. It’s a great way to deescalate conflict. Try it! Itworks like magic. I’ll teach you an even more advance version of this tool in my Love At First Fight coaching program, which I will tell you more about at the end of this tutorial. Now, strategy number three is to take ownership of the situation and apologize for your part in it. But youdid left the headlights on didn’t you? Yeah

Rethinking infidelity a talk for anyone who has ever loved Esther Perel

Translator: Albana TelhaiReviewer: Fex Thaqi Pse tradhëtojmë? Dhe pse njerëzit e lumtur tradhëtojnë? Dhe kur themi “pabesi�,çfarë nënkuptojmë saktësisht? Nënkupton një bashkim, histori dashurie,seks me pagesë, një dhomë chati, një masazh me fund të lumtur? Pse mendojmë se burrat mashtrojnë ngamërzija dhe frika e intimitetit, por gratë mashtrojnë nga vetmiadhe etja për intimitet?

Dhe a përbën një aferë gjithmonëfundin e një marrëdhënie? Përgjatë 10 viteve të fundit,kam udhëtuar nëpër botë dhe kam punuar gjerësishtme qindra çifte të cilët kanë qënëshpartalluar nga tradhëtia. Është një akt i thjeshtë shkelje i cili mund t’i vjedhënjë çifti marrëdhënien e tyre, lumturinë dhe thelbine identitetit të tyre: një aferë. E megjithatë, ky akt ekstremishti zakonshëm është kaq pak i kuptuar.

Pra, ky diskutim është për cilindoqë ka dashuruar ndonjeherë. Tradhtia bashkëshortore ka ekzistuarqë kur u shpik martesa, po kështu dhe tabuja, kundër saj. Në fakt, tradhëtia ka një këmbëngulje qëmartesa mund vetëm ta ketë zili, aq e vërtetë është kjo saqë,kjo është urdhëresa e vetme që përsëritet dy herë në Bibël një herë për kryerjen dhe herën tjetërvetëm për të menduarit. (Të qeshura)

Pra, si mund ta pajtojmë atë qëndalohet universalisht, dhe po universalisht praktikohet? Përgjatë historisë, burrat praktikishtkishin licensë për të tradhetuar me pasoja minimale, dhe të mbështetur nga një mori teorishbiologjike dhe evolucionare që justifikonin nevojën e tyrepër të bredhur, kështu që standardi i dyfishtë është aqi vjetër sa dhe vetë adulteria. Por kush e di se çfarë ndodh në të vërtetëatje nën ҫarҫafë, apo jo?

Sepse kur vjen fjala te seksi, presioni për burratështë që të mburren dhe ta egzagjerojnë, por presioni për gratë është ta fshehin,minimizojnë dhe mohojnë, ҫka nuk është e habitshme kur kujton seka ende nëntë shtete ku gratë mund të vritenpër shmangje nga e duhura. Tani, monogamia nënkuptontenjë person për gjithë jetën. Sot, monogamia nënkuptonnjë person në një kohë. (Të qeshura)

(Duartrokitje) Them se, shumë prej jush mund keni thënë quot;Unë jam monogam në të gjithamarrëdhëniet e mia.quot; (Të qeshura) Dikur, në fillim martoheshim, dhe bënim seks për herë të parë. Por tani ne martohemi, dhe ndalojmë së kryeri seks me të tjerët.

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