Ellen and Anna Faris Prank Chris Pratt
SO HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO, AND Y'ALL TRY TO STAY QUIET SO THAT IT REALLY SOUNDS LIKE SHE'S CALLING FROM A POLICE STATION OR FROM WHEREVER. SO WE'RE GONNA TRY TO CALL HIM. WE'LL SEE IF HE'S REHEARSING. HE MAY BE AT SNL. HE MAY BE AT THE DEREK JETER LAST BASEBALL GAME, WHICH HE WILL NOT HEAR ANY OF THIS IF HE'S AT THE BASEBALL GAME. WHICHHOPEFULLY, HE'LL JUST HEAR ARRESTED, AND THEN HE'LL SO WE'LL LEAVE A MESSAGE IF IT GOES TO VOICE MAIL, JUST SO HE GETS VOICE MAIL THAT YOU'REBEEN ARRESTED.
OKAY. BUT I THINK I'M GONNA BE IN MY CAR GETTING ARRESTED. I THINK THAT'S OH, YOU'RE IN THE CAR. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN OKAY. I'LL BE PLAYING THE PART OF THE COP. snickering OKAY. I DON'T NEED TO PUT IT ON SPEAKER, RIGHT NO, IT'S phone jingling OH, SOMEONE IS CALLING ME AT THE SAME TIME. laughter ANSWER IT. SEE WHO IT IS. NO WAY. THAT'S TOO SCARY. ANSWER IT. IT'S A NUMBER I DON'T KNOW. OH, MY GOD.
HELLO HI. IS THIS ANNA FARIS NO. WHO'S THIS OH, MY NAME'S HALEY WRIGHT, CALLING ON BEHALF OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA PUBLIC RADIO. IS ANNA AVAILABLE NO, SHE'S NOT. SHE'S GONNA CALL YOU BACK, OKAY OKAY, I CAN AC ALL RIGHT. laughter I SUPPORT MY PUBLIC RADIO STATION. WE CAN'T INTERRUPT THIS BIT. THAT IS REALLY FUNNY. WHY IS A PUBLIC RADIO STATION CALLING YOU WHY DO THEY HAVE YOUR NUMBER I DON'T KNOW. I'M GLAD YOU ANSWERED THOUGH. phone line trilling.
whispering indistinctly sighs both whispering indistinctly line continues trilling UHOH. HE LIKES DEREK MORE THAN ME. giggles OKAY, THAT'S whispering COULD DO IT LIKE HE'S COMING OUT TO, LIKE whispering OH, YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. YOU HAVE REACHED THE VOICE MAILBOX OF 31. voice fades OH. laughter THAT WOULD BE IT'LL COME BACK UP. phone beeps HEY, HONEY. UM, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE AT THE GAME RIGHT NOW. IF YOU ARE, I HOPE DEREK'S DOING REALLY WELL. BUT I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU THAT, UM, I'M.
I THINK I'M GETTING ARRESTED. MA'AM, LET'S GO. UM, I KNOW OUT OF THE CAR. stammering frantically NO, JUST GIVE ME TWO SECONDS. NO, I'M COMING. I'M COMING. I'M COMING. PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON AND GET OUT BABY, I WAS I JUST WAS ON MY WAY, YOU KNOW PUT YOUR PANTS ON AND GET OUT OF THE CAR. I HAD TO DO THIS CHANGE IN THE CAR. crying AND THIS COP PULLED ME OVER. SOMEONE GRAB THAT ROOSTER. I DON'TI CAN'T.
Key Peele Puppy Dog IceT
HEY, BABE. HI. UM, I MADE A REALLY BIG DECISION WITHOUT CONSULTING YOU. I WENT BY A PUPPY RESCUE STAND ON UNIVERSITY AVENUE. I HAD TO. I HAD TO. YOU GOT US A DOG YEAH, I DID. OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! SO, HONEY, I'VE GOTTA TELL YOU SOMETHING, OKAY MMHM. THESE RESCUE DOGS HAVE HAD SOME TOUGH SITUATIONS. OH. AND A LOT OF THEM TAKE ON THE PERSONALITY OF THEIR OWNERS. THIS DOG. MMHM. WAS OWNED BY RAPPER ICET.
ALL RIGHT, LITTLE BUDDY, COME ON OUT. AWW. gasps OH, HELLO, MY LITTLE DARLING. OH! MAN, bleep YOU. YOU, SUCK MY bleep. THIS HOUSE AIN'T bleep. OKAY, BUDDY, TAKE IT EASY. A LITTLE TESTY. WHOA. bleep YOU, bleep. NOTHIN' EVER BEEN EASY FOR ME IN MY LIFE. NOW HOOK ME UP WITH A TREAT. YOU WANT A TREAT, BUDDY YOU WANT A TREAT IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT HERE WE GO, SWEETIE. HERE WE GO. MM, YEAH, THAT'S A TASTYASS TREAT RIGHT THERE.
NOW GIVE ME THE WHOLE BAG. OKAY, ONE TREAT IS ENOUGH. BITCH, WAS I TALKING TO YOU GIVE ME THE WHOLE BAG OF TREATS 'CAUSE I'M A TREAT KILLER AND A MOTHERbleep HANDFUL. SOMEBODY'S GRUMPY TODAY. GRUMPYWUMPY. LAY MY ASS RIGHT UP ON THIS COMFORTABLEASS SOFA. laughs I'M GONNA SLEEP ON THIS BITCH TOO, AS A MATTER OF FACT. AND YOU KNOW WHAT, MOTHERbleep AND BITCH I'M GONNA PISS AND bleep UP HERE TOO. NO! OH, NO! NO, NO, NO! bleep YOU, MAN.
RAISE YOUR HAND AT ME. OKAY, UM, I'VE GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU, LITTLE GUY. HUH HUH YOU WANNA PLAY FETCH YOU WANNA PLAY FETCH YOU LIKE FETCH, HUH GET THAT BALL. bleep YOU! BOTH Y'ALL CONDESCENDING MOTHERbleep. I AIN'T YOUR ENTERTAINMENT, BITCH. SO bleep YOU! Dog barking at door OH, WHAT'S THAT GET THE DOOR, OKAY UH. WELL, HELLO. WHO IS THIS COME ON, COCOA, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THESE MOTHERbleep. THAT'S MY BITCH COCOA. OH, I FORGOT TO TELL Y'ALL, SHE'S GONNA BE LIVING HERE TOO.
WOW, OKAY, YOU GOT YOUR LITTLE FRIEND HERE. YEAH. YEAH, WELL YOU CANSHE CAN PLAY HERE FOR A WHILE, SURE. PUPPY PLAY DATE. YEAH. PLAY DATE WE GONNA HAVE A bleep DATE. THAT'S WHAT WE GONNA HAVE, BITCH. COME HERE, BITCH. sniffing licking sounds OH, HE'S ARE YOU OKAY, HE'S DOING THAT. NO, NO, DON'T DO IT. YEAH, THAT'S MY SHIH TZU. OH. OH, DEAR. GET THE bleep OUT OF HERE! IT'S ABOUT TO GET GRAPHIC IN THIS BITCH!.
You Suck at Photoshop Distort, Warp, Layer Effects
DONNIE My name is Donnie, and you suck at Photoshop. You do. You're awful, and that's why you're here. All right, let's get started. Tutorial one distort, warp, and layer effects. This is basic to intermediate. But for you, I mean, this is going to be stupid hard, advanced, so just try not to slow it down. First off, get a photo, open up Bridge. And maybe you've got a photo of your family, or maybe you've got a photo of some people who care about you, or maybe you've got a photo of the van, again, that your wife.
And her friend from high school spend Friday nights in. Yeah, so actually oh hey, look, I've got that one myself right here. So let's go ahead and open that up. That's what we'll start with. Let's just say for hypothetical that you really want to do some shit to this Vanagon. I mean, the real Vanagon. But let's also say that there's a restraining order that prevents you from getting close enough to do that kind of shit to it. So let's have Photoshop do the dirty work for us.
Now we could what We could bash it up a little bit, or set it on fire. I'd rather try something a little more subtle. Let's put something in the windshield. Now we could put, like, a parking ticket, or maybe, like, a bumper sticker, you know, that would maybe read like, If the Vanagon is rocking, don't my wife is being drilled by some guy named Ricky. Actually, for me, I've got a copy of my marriage certificate, and so I'm going to put it on the driver's side of the windshield for him and everyone to see.
So let's open that up. We'll go back down to Bridge. Let's see. I've got it here we go. And the first thing I'm going to do, I'm going to select all, copy, close that, and paste it in. Now I've got this new layer. And what I want to do is, I want to reverse it so that he can read it. So let's go flip horizontal great. CommandT and transform this thing down just going to rough it in, just to estimate the size. Now I'm going to grab the distort tool.
Some people might grab the perspective tool, but they're big pussies. So we're going to do it the right way, and we're going to sort of rough it in, estimate it, just sort of guess it in there. And you get it to where we like it. That's pretty good. And then maybe just grab the warp tool, and just warp it a little bit. Like my marriage, just warp it up. We got that's looking pretty good. Now we're just going to grab a simple FEMALE SPEAKER Donnie, where are you.
DONNIE I'm in the basement, working on taxes. Shut up. So let's just grab a a layer effect here. You might want to try lighten. That doesn't really do it or overlay's a good one. That kind of looks like sort of a frosty windshield, because it was very cold that day. It's been cold just about every day. So now we've got that in. That looks pretty good. FEMALE SPEAKER What are you doing DONNIE What FEMALE SPEAKER What I'm uh I'm working on taxes. FEMALE SPEAKER What do you mean taxes.
Ellen Pranks Daniel Radcliffe with an Earthquake
WE TOLD DANIEL THAT THE DRESSING ROOMS HERE HAD FLOODED, AND WE PUT A TRAILER OUT IN THE PARKING LOT, AND WE SAID, WE'RE SO SORRY, BUT WE WERE HAVING PLUMBING PROBLEMS. YOU HAVE TO BE IN THIS TRAILER, AND IT WAS, LIKE, AN EARTHQUAKE TRAILER. SO I ACTED LIKE I HAD TO TALK TO HIM, AND YOU WERE SO NONPLUS. I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW I MEAN, MOST PEOPLE, TO EXPERIENCE AN EARTHQUAKE BUT ANYWAY, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED. indistinct conversation glass clinking indistinct conversation I'M SO SORRY. YEAH.
I FEEL LIKE I FEEL LIKE, IN, LIKE, EVOLUTIONARY TERMS, THAT'S THE WORST REACTION TO HAVE TO AN EARTHQUAKE IN THE WORLD, TO JUST GO, THIS IS GREAT. HOW EXCITING. LET ME GET CLOSER TO IT. WHY DON'T I EXPLORE IT MORE WE HAD, LIKE, 16 GUYS OUT THERE ROCKING THE ENTIRE THING. I DID THINK IT WAS AN EARTHQUAKE. I TOTALLY BOUGHT THAT, BUT I WAS JUST NOT I WAS JUST REALLY EXCITED. YOU WERE EXCITED. YEAH, I WAS, OH, THIS IS BRILLIANT. NEVER DONE ONE OF THESE BEFORE..
Call Me Maybe PARODY! The Key Of Awesome 58
CARLY We met last night at the club You told me you were in love Came home and smushed in the tub And now you're in my yard Woke up and saw you were gone Your running across my lawn without your pants or shoes on Here comes my St. Bernard Vodka was flowin' Butt cleavage was showin' Your mind I was blowin' Man we were so freaking wasted Tag, you're my boyfriend. My name is Carly But all my doctors, just call me crazy I made you poptarts with extra gravy But I'm a call girl, you have to pay me!.
Psych, I'm just kidding. Aren't I crazy Let's watch 12 hours of Chelsea Lately And all the other boys try to taaaaaze me The doors are locked now. You can't escape me C'mon lets do sex again I want to be more than friends Look how far my legs can bend DOUG I'm sorry I can't stay Look I don't mean to be rude But, I don't think that we screwed CARLY I've got the pictures to prove it Hey don't look away You're my one and only That's what my dog told me.
But, don't think you own me Now lets sacrifice some chickens I've got some hand cuffs Feel free to spank me But here's the safe word It's call me maybe CARLY Hey, this is my band, they seem to haaaate me DOUG They don't look like they're really playing CARLY Crap that's my husband he's in the navy He's gonna to kill you. He's also crazy HUSBAND I'm gonna kill you cus that's my laaaady What's going on here CARLY He tried to rape me HUSBAND When people try to rape my wife it makes me so mad. It makes me feel bad I'm gonna kick your ass.
Key Peele OK Uncensored
Laughter phone dings and vibrates Oh, hold on a second. Mmhmm. Oh, hell no. He did not just text me he working late. That shit is weak. Okay. You know what, working late, my ass. If he don't walk through that door in the next half an hour, he may as well not even come home tonight 'cause I'm not gonna be there waiting for his cheating ass. Okay! All right, girl I ain't playing. You know what I'm saying I mean, I will be there waiting because But he gonna have to put up with a lot of shit from me.
Okay. And if he think he gonna do this shit again, he is sorely mistaken. Okay! Because my man gets one chance. Okay! One. Okay! And then after that, he get one more. Okay. And then after that, he gonna get three strikes. Then you're out. Okay. And if I ever find out that my man was messing around on me, he better get as far away from me as he possibly can because he do not want to get what I'm gonna give to him.
Okay. I got my motherfucking real estate license. Okay! But if and when he does come home, that's fine. Okay. 'Cause he can go out and get all turnt up with these little side hos and whatnot 'cause you know what, bitch He always gonna come home. All right Okay. I'm the queen bee, and he always gonna come home to me. You know what Okay. But you know what, but you know what, but you know what I don't even care. Oh, okay. But I'll tell you what happen if he do come home.
Okay. He ain't gonna be pulling any of that shit in my house. Okay. He can come to the house if he wants to, but he ain't never gonna do that when I'm home. Okay. You know what Even if I'm home, it's fine. Okay. You know what I'm talking about Mm, okay. 'Cause I don't give a good goddamn. Okay. That's what I'm talking about. But he ain't gonna bring that shit into my bedroom. I tell you that much right now, okay Okay. 'Cause there ain't no triflingass nigga.
Gonna wake me up while he's cheating on me in my bed again. Okay. And I told him. I looked him right in the face. I said, This is the fifth and last time that you Okay! exhales I couldn't have said it better myself, girl. You're right. Okay You just been spouting words of wisdom all evening. I ain't listening to a highpitched goddamn thing you saying. quietly Okay. I don't even know what the hell I was thinking, girl. You right. The second that that man walks through that door,.
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