Love and Marriage Husband and Wife Relationship Advice
Hi I'M Dr. John Lund author of How to Hug a Porcupine. The problem is never that people don't love each other folks it's not about that. When people get divorced it wasn't because there wasn't a time when they didn't love each other. It was their inability to resolve their conflicts in healthy ways. That was the heart and core of 99.999 percent of all those relationships that either terminate or if they stay together they stay together in a roommate kind of a capacity not really emotionally married or committed but nevertheless.
In the relationship. Now how do we avoid that How can we stay connected Well we are talking about criticism and I had mentioned that the way my wife wants to be approached is to have me write it down and then I give it to her, she processes it and gets back to me. There are only one of three responses. One, I thought about what you are going to say I want you to know that I have thought about it and I am going to make this change.
Another is, I hear your criticism I have read it, I've thought about it and I think you need some more information from me because I don t think you have the complete picture here. Or thirdly, Listen I thought about it and I ain't going to change no matter what so you better learn to live with it. Well that certainly is another alternative right Well and those are the three reactions. Now the way I want to be approached is I want to know on a scale of one to ten either a two or a nine as to how painful it is going.
To be and then secondly if it's a nine I need time to prepare myself and I have said to my wife that, Honey you can give me a little time to prepare and I promise to get back to you in the next two or three hours We have a limit of about three hours and so unless you are on a plain or some other foreign circumstance that wouldn't be conducive to that but other than that other than that what I am talking about is I will get.
Back to her and then I sit and then she gives me the criticism what ever it may be and my first response is to listen, the first response. Now the reason I'm talking this threw with you very carefully is that we need to develop replacement skills, that is that whatever you learned growing up in your own family and your interaction in the family that you were raised in if it's not functional if it's not working if it's not leading for the two of you getting closer together and helping you become your highest best selves,.
Than we have to replace that behavior with another behavior. And the behavior I am talking about right now is criticism and we need to learn to give that criticism and there is an art to doing it. So with my wife for example when she says, I have got a 9! Then I get myself ready, I sit there I listen to her and this is the replacement skill I say. Okay to whatever the criticism was. I repeat it back to her and then she confirms that, that indeed was what her concern was and now I know what it is. I can't always respond.
Instantly and so we have agreed that there will be a little period of time where I can think about and process that and I will get back to her. Now most of the issues that we are going to deal with in marriage or other relationships are not the child is playing in the freeway right now and you need 3 hours to get ready for this Most of the time we are going to be dealing with issues that we are upset about at the moment and probably the least capable of dealing with at that moment and so its really really wise to give.
Marriage Divorce How to Leave Your Husband
I'm Bill Cuenco with Family Resources. Today were going to be talking about how to make those difficult choices successfully. Specifically, how to leave your husband. Now, chances are that you've made this decision because counseling or therapy, or some type of a.a friendly break up probably isn't rational or working for you. So, and if you haven't sought counseling or professional advice, please do so, and particularly so if there are children involved because this is much more than an individual decision. Leaving generally applies that you're not leaving on good terms, and it, it also implies that maybe there are some relationship.
Issues there that are unsalvageable. So, realistically, what's important is making preparation for your journey. Where are you going to go How are you going to get there And how are you going to sustain yourself for how long So, and it's really complicated. You need to treat this almost like a household move. A relocation may be involved, where you're going to stay, again, thee travel arrangements and how long you into sustain yourself when you are there, and may even involve getting a new occupation or doing something very different.
But, you can not do this alone, or you shouldn't do this alone. You need to get support from your friends and family. There are other support groups in many areas. You can take a look at websites, resources that are there online, or some federal programs, or some community, community programs that might be a resource to you. The important thing to do is to get back into the routine as quickly as possible because you're really dealing with a situation that has been negative, and you want to get yourself back engaged and rebuild your selfconfidence,.
Marriage Divorce When Is it Time for Divorce
I'm Joe Cuenco with Family Resources. Today we're going to be talking about turning the page on this particular chapter of marriage. Specifically, when is it time for divorce. When is it time for divorce Well, the only thing we're really assured of in life is death and taxes. Everything else is really open to negotiation. Unless you are married to the Antichrist, I would suggest that before you divorce, you sit down and have some professional help. Counseling, marriage workshops, really working one on one with the issues that you.
Might be dealing with. And particularly if there are children involved you should have counseling sessions and give this decision the appropriate weight and consideration that the situation requires. Many times couples break up over silly things like pushing the toothpaste at the wrong spot, toilet paper in the wrong, hung the wrong way, and these are just real indications that something of much greater gravity is at issue or at work here and they really need to be worked through. And often times they can be. But if you don't.
Have the fundamentals, trust, love, friendship, communication and mutual respect, these are things that you're really going to have to work on before you can say its time to liquidate the marriage and move on. Take the balance sheet approach. Take a look at the pluses and minuses, where you really come together, what your strengths are and take a look at the areas that really need work because its important to work from strengths first and then take a look at the areas that need improvement and put together a plan. Before you come to.
That divorce, I would suggest a trial separation first because couples have successfully come together once they spend the appropriate time apart and understand what part they really play in their lives and how important they are. You have a choice. Its important not to settle, but understand you made quite an investment here and perhaps a little bit more investment can help build that long term successful relationship. And so that's how we determine whether or not its time for divorce. I'm Joe Cuenco with Family Resources, relationships for life.
Marriage Divorce Signs of a Cheating Husband
I'm Joe Cuenco with Family Resources. Today we're going to be talking about some signals of the kind, you don't want to get. Specifically, what are the signs of a cheating husband Actually the signs of a cheating husband, if your intuition senses these things, the sad thing is that your intuition probably is going to be right. There are going to be some very subtle changes in behavior, or some overt changes in behavior that you need to be aware of. For example the subtle changes, is he buying you flowers more frequently.
Is he telling you how special you are How much he loves you Or, is he doing things like maybe going to the gym a lot more often Going on that crash diet Wearing his hair differently Wearing different clothes Or, are you finding some new underwear, or things like that Is he buying things for the kids You know, just trying to deflect and change a pattern of behavior so that things are being masked in the household. Or, there could be deflection tactics, he may be accusing you of some, some errant behavior, or cheating.
Behavior, or creating some animosity, some anger in a household so that he actually doesn't feel so bad, that he's been engaging in this bad behavior. Now, you can go through the process of trying to catch him, you know, taking a look at his emails, his text messages, his voice mails, or following him, using whatever electronic surveillance there is. There's even a program Cheater's, who will help you, if you qualify, and make that determination, if your husband has been cheating on you. But, you need to understand that there, you're.
Probably going to have some responsibility, it's always been a two way street. You know, couples, when couples deal with problems, no one is one hundred percent at fault, and the other one is faultless. But, so, you need to accept some responsibility, but not the blame. If you, if you really want to know, try the direct approach. Ask him. If he comes forward, and he's honest, then you know what type of person, what type of character he has. And, if he's in denial, then perhaps talking to his family or his friends, that.
Marriage Divorce Should Infidelity Lead to Divorce
I'm Joe Cuenco with family resources, today we are going to be talking about relationship paths and the choices we make in our life. Particularly should infidelity lead to divorce. For many individuals infidelity is a deal breaker. Once that bond of trust has been broken, it's really gone. And there's nothing that can repair this. Even when there's children or perhaps a very significant situation to deal with. And so when you have a deal breaker like that, it's best to just go ahead and move on put as much closure as you can to.
The situation and begin to rebuild a life somewhere else. For others infidelity maybe an issue where it maybe a one time thing and it's really not in the character of the individual, they basically perhaps made a mistake or got involved in a situation where they let go. And weren't as careful as they should have been. So in a situation like that it may be possible, many couples do recover in this type of relationship and go ahead and work through this and sometimes it even makes them stronger. But if you have an individual who.
Is selfish, self centered, maybe looking at things like whats in it for me. Who is cold, calculating and actually plans something like this, then you may want to consider really give it some way to think about is this individual worth while to be with in a long term. This type will generally be prone to these bad behaviors and that's something that you want to consider. And actually basically do you want to live your life looking in the rear view mirror all the time. For those who want to work together, build some trust, then that's.
A very positive thing but it has to be two people who are willing to undergo this. Counseling may help, workshops may help but the net is trust is equivalent to love in importance for happily married couples and those in long term successful relationships. So go with your heart, remember you don't want to be the victim here, you want to be a person who works to build a happy relationship. And counseling can help you work through this if there is a separation or divorce involved. If there is love, true love,it will survive and if.
Marriage Divorce Signs Your Wife Is Cheating
I'm Joe Cuenco with Family Resources, today we're going to be talking about signals of the kind you don't want to get. Specifically, signs your wife is cheating on you. The challenge is if you have this intuition it's said to say, most of the time you are right. If you feel like your wife is cheating on you, then it's a matter of you picking up on some of the subtle or direct changes in their behavior that signal to you that something is indeed wrong. Is she doting on you Giving you a lot more affection, perhaps asking for sex.
A lot more often or maybe the opposite, you may have had sex three times a week and now it's done to zero or once every month or so. There are some subtle signs as well. Maybe she is buying you flowers, maybe she is buying things for the children and trying to really actually deflect some behavior. But recognize that the subtle things need to be paid attention to and there are also some very overt things that are taking place as well. For example, is she buying new underwear Is she trying to make herself over with a new hairdo, new.
Clothes, perhaps going to the gym more often, perhaps dieting. So you need to be aware of these things that are taking place. A very offensive technique is also maybe putting the blame on you saying that perhaps you're cheating or you're paying attention to your secretary or girlfriends and so these are kind of deflection techniques or she maybe introducing some type of anger animosity into the relationship so that she doesn't feel bad about what she's doing. So you can go to the extremes of monitoring her phones, voice mails, emails and follow her at work or where she's going after work, electronic.
Surveillance, there's even a television show Cheaters that if you qualify, you may be able to have that all documented on camera if that's what you want to do. But you need to understand that in all relationship, there is joint responsibility, nobody's 100 at fault and nobody is at 0 at fault either. So you need to have responsibility. If all this else fails, try the direct approach, have you asked her And watch for behavior. Is she nervous Will she avert your eyes Avert looking at you So as a last resort you may want to talk to her friends, talk.
Marriage Divorce Is a Cheater Always a Cheater
I'm Joe Cuenco with Family Resources. Today we're talking about if a cheater is to be or not to be. Specifically, is a cheater always a cheater. This is really a tough question to answer because it really depends upon the character of the individual and the situation that the individual's in. Many people can get caught up in a situation and have a one time affair or cheat and really be done with it. It's really something that they hadn't planned. People cheat for different reasons and have a different rationale. But in a net,.
Net the affect is the same on the partner who understands what has happened. Now a person of integrity generally will be very honest about what has happened and be open in the relationship and talk about, well, I messed up, this is what happened and it's not going to happen again. And so when you have somebody that's respectful like that who knows that they breeched trust and wants to rebuild the trust, then typically you can respect that person as a person of their word, integrity, even though they made a mistake, this is something.
That they want to work on to rebuild the relationship. On the other hand, some cheating requires an investment and plan. And when you have somebody who's actually working a plan to cheat then it's a different situation. This person is probably going to be selfish, really thinking about things, well, what's in it for me and what can I get, how can I take advantage of the situation And typically this type of person will be prone to these bad behaviors and will continue this line of action and something that you really want.
To stray away from. So once you recognize that cheating is there, the trust is destroyed, and trust is something that takes a long time to rebuild if ever. Because sometimes that level of trust can never be attained. And trust is equivalent to love and importance according to some surveys of some very very successfully married couples. So, recognizing it takes time and years perhaps to rebuild the relationship and trust, you really need to go with your gut. What type of individual is this that you are with Can you build something.
HOW To SAVE Your Marriage EVEN If Your Spouse Is Unwilling HOW To Save Your Marriage ALONE
Find Out How To Save Your Marriage Even If Your Spouse Is Unwilling howtosaveyourmarriagenowSaveYourMarriageNow the link above to watch a short presentation to discover the 3 shocking reasons why your spouse is pulling away and how to save your marriage now, even if you're the only one who wants to fix things. If you've ever felt abandoned, rejected or confused by your spouse's behavior, or feel like your marriage needs a turnaround, then you NEED to watch this tutorial right now. Make sure you watch the tutorial presentation all the way to the end to fully grasp the.
Concepts of how to save your marriage, with the last tip being particularly important. We recommend you take notes and implement the concepts immediately and consistently to get the best results. If you follow the instructions, you can indeed save your marriage even if your partner is reluctant. Check out these testimonials from some of the happy people who have already saved their marriages. Since taking your advice, my marriage has had a turnaround. Initially I was the only one interested in salvaging our marriage, but after changing my mindset and approach,.
My wife started to change too. she's now open to doing what she can to keep the marriage and make it great. We're now heading in the right direction in our marriage we're becoming better people as we grow. Michael G. I was skeptical at first about buying an online digital product to help save my marriage, but after listening to the program and applying the priceless insights you teach, my husband started treating me differently. The joy passion in our marriage has returned, and it feels fresh again..
Many thanks, Donna P. Our marriage was headed to divorce, it's been 3 years since we last had a 'date night'. We had real communication issues and never seemed to meet each others needs. We listened to the message together read the manual from Save Your Marriage Now. and found many of the things we did were counterproductive. We realized our mistakes, and it took a few months but now our communication is truthful, open and effective. It's so liberating and we feel that we know and love each other deeply.
Again. Instead of divorce, we're now looking at a renewing of vows. Thanks you for all the insights and wisdom! Peter and Jennifer F. For more information on how to save your marriage you can visit our website here too howtosaveyourmarriagenow Recommended tutorials youtu.beabtclqOC7Xo youtu.beBGnMdkW9g4 youtu.bePgNYjgIoMdw Popular search terms how to save your marriage or relationship how to save your marriage when a divorce seems imminent how to save your marriage after infidelity how to save your marriage after an affair how to save your marriage alone how to save your marriage when your husband wants a divorce.
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