Couples in Crisis
Gtgt Dr. Jeff Kreutzer Taryn and I've worked with a lot of couples together and, and we, we, we saw a couple who is in the state of crisis because the, the husband had a very serious injury and had ideas that his wife was being unfaithful to him and he was really concerned that she was being unfaithful. The great thing about both of them was they're very open about their feelings or very honest about of what was going on, their concerns and the husband said, I'm really afraid that because I've changed you may not like me anymore.
And the wife very much insisted that she loved him as much as she ever did, we, we were very afraid for that couple because we felt that the wife was working really, really hard and was feeling very stressed out, was being very supportive and here her husband was meeting her with, I'm talking about how suspicious he was. What, what happened was we continued to meet with that couple over a period of several years, we basically said very firmly, your wife is not being unfaithful, it would help your relationship much more if you would acknowledge the good things that.
She is doing to, to help you and we also let him know that we were concerned about his wife that we would be open and honest with both of them and so over a period of time he began to see that his ideas were not based in reality, there were more fears related to his concerns about his personal shortcomings and the good thing about that is that we, we worked with them over a period of years, he's gotten a little bit better, he's been physically more capable, more ambulatory,.
And they've planned trips together, they've had a lot of good experiences together and so when looking back over their experience, we really thought that what the intervention that we use was effective because this was a couple that may be had they not sought out help, their marriage could have ended in disaster and we would call that a, a successful intervention. gtgt Dr. Taryn Stejskal And I think I would just add the related to that couple in particular, we also found some individual therapy for the wife. She didn't feel like she had.
Any friends or family that really understood what she was going through and so we are able to provide that for her. So she had someone to talk to about her feelings and her experience and someone to say you know this is, this is a really hard time for you and she said some, some weeks it was good to just have someone tell her that she wasn't crazy, she wasn't nuts, she didn't have to be over it yet. And the second thing that I would add is that we'd like to think that.
Marriage Advice From A Divorce Attorney Laura Wasser, Family Law Attorney
Communication is my advice for somebody considering getting married. I actually believe that communication is important if you are thinking about taking the relationship to the next level and moving in together. I know a lot of people have prenuptial agreements, I think they are great but in young marriages or marriages where the parties don't have a ton of money, it may not be necessary. What I do believe is necessary is determining what the expectation of each of the parties are, determining what the deal if you will is. Every relationship has a contract,.
And when you enter into a marriage contract, you are being governed by the state where you live and even if it's an easy divorce, when you go through divorce, you have to file paper work and pay fees, and fill out forms that means that getting into this should be a little more difficult. You should discuss, Do we want to have kids What religion is our family going to be How much are we going to put away for savings Are you going to continue working after we have kids Are we going to a family vacation every year If.
My mom turns 80 and has a stroke can she come live in our back house Obviously, you can address every single thing that's going to happen every single course of your hopefully very long marriage, but there are certain things, particularly financial things, that are not very sexy or romantic to discuss but I highly advised having this conversation with either a priest or a rabi or a good friend, somebody that you both respect that's had a little life experience, a mental health professional again and maybe taking some notes.
And jotting things down. There will be times in your relationship when you will have to renegotiate the terms, things have changed, one of us is working more now, one of us is making more money, we re buying a home my mother did end up coming to live with us. Things need to be discussed and you need to have good communication about what the deal points are even if it may not sound like the most romantic, it will save your relationship time and time again, and if you start doing it before you get married, it will be easier.
Syria crisis 9yearold Shaimaa tells what winter is like in refugee camp in Lebanon
My name is Shaimaa, I am 9 years old My country is called Syria, my city is Homs. We used to live in safety. Here it's very cold, when the snow came, water started pouring on our tent Water was getting into the tent. We don't have heating and we don't have warm clothes. I get ill very often, all the children get ill. The cold here is not normal. In Homs we had everything, but here it isn't good. It is muddy here. I hope I go back to my country and live safely there like I used to.
ENG Kim Jong Kook dont understand the fun in smartphones on Escape Crisis No.1
But just now, Kim Jong Kook said that he don't understand what exactly is fun in smartphones, so honestly I don't understand Kim Jong Kook Why Smartphones are really fun! It's not like that I would usually use a 2G phone but because of use of internet, I have a smartphone But before I changed my phone into a smartphone, I always tell this to others because at one moment when they sat down, they would take out their phone People become lonely It becomes that there is no conversation So I would always tell this to them.
Think CSUN Family Values and Marriage Equality
Glass bulb rolling on a table, electrical sounds The notion of family that became elevated in the 20th century is a 19th century construction, and in large part it was an attempt to kind of justify this insistence that women stay home. Well, why did they have to say home Well, because it's God's order it's their role as a mother. Suddenly, motherhood became a fulltime job. You know, for poor women motherhood is not a fulltime job. They have too many fulltime jobs. The idea that somehow your whole life would be devoted to raising your children.
Was only possible when you didn't have to work, when you had a husband who earned enough that he could give you the freedom to spend your whole life raising your children. So, it's that white middle class notion that then gets implemented across society and held up as a model that people should aspire to. That icon of the traditional family is really an icon that's under attack, and it's under attack because it's falling apart. Women are moving more and more into comparable income with their husbands in this.
Traditional heterosexual home. It creates more equality because when you're earning roughly the same thing as your partner's earning, you have a right to make the same demands on the relationship. But there are those who find it very threatening and who want to try and insist that it shouldn't change. I think the biggest battleground for this is the battleground for gay marriage. It's going on across the country. You have sort of a conservative front that claims that it's a destruction of the family. Well, you know, it's not the destruction of the family.
Marriage is a family by choice. You make a commitment to someone to be with them and form a unit. Adoption is another way of forming a family by choice. So, there are lots of ways in which families are artificial constructions that we make by choice and that we then put legal and religious meaning around to sanctify them, to sacralize them. And that's what's happening now with this whole debate about gay marriage here's another way in which we could have families we choose. And you know, rights are not like, some they're not like bargain basement sale items,.
When you say, Oh, if you get that right, then I won't get that right. You know, we have to fight over these rights because I want these rights, and you can't have them. Rights are the kinds of things that if I extend the right to you, it doesn't take it away from me. Your right to vote does not mean mean I lose my right to vote. Rights are infinite. If a gay couple gets married, your marriage isn't going to be destroyed. You're still going to be married you're still going to have a family,.
Toolbox Tuesdays Could Your Weakness Be Your Strength 661 4772196 Jennifer Hopes Therapy
Jennifer Hopes, Licensed Marriage Family Therapist. Last week, I briefly spoke about New Year's Resolutions and turning the table on an old habit where we used to use negative attributes as a basis for our New Year's Resolution. I kind of challenged you guys to use positive attributes. So, this really got me thinking about our perceived weaknesses, and I put perceived in quotes because I really think there's an emphasis on our own personal views, ultimately how that makes us feel about ourselves. So, I was recently given a compliment on my.
Forward thinking and timeliness and it made me laugh because I really wouldn't be so organized or forward thinking or timely without my anxiety. And, Robyn D'Angelo, Licensed Marriage Family Therapist, one of my colleagues and she talks about her anxiety as a superpower and makes the case for why sometimes anxiety can be good for you. And, I think there's something to be said about all of our faults or perceived weaknesses that they're not all bad. And that's a little bit of a lesson there for all of us in being a little bit more compassionate with ourselves, and working on our selfesteem.
And recognizing that those bad things aren't necessarily bad things. Everything in moderation. Even the healthiest of things can become bad if we allow them. So, maybe take a moment and recognize or identify, what is something you often struggle with It's maybe not one of your best qualities, but then challenge yourself to identify how it actually works for you. My anxiety definitely works for me. I'm not going to list all my other weaknesses to you, but there are plenty of ways where they are used to my advantage. So, consider.
marriage family therapy asking for forgiveness accepting forgiveness
Marriage family therapy I have a problem a big problem my marriage is in big trouble and I don't know what to do my wife gave me an ultimatum by the media or the weed you know the joint the marijuana of course I told her she's more important to me than the weekend Brian so far so good what's the problem I can't resist I keep on sneaking a joint with my buddies here and there my wife found out that I was cheating and she is furious with me.
Survey Says Marriage Is Obsolete
There's absolutely adores marketplace where space the pew research center gested a as study on marriage and have found out that four out of ten americans uh. think that marriage is obsolete so they think that it's not that important uh. now they're family structures that are completely different for instance there are parents that are just living together but they're not marry their single mothers raising kids you know in order to have a family you don't necessarily have to be married right and and i think that this is super fascinating disorder uh. so let me give you know uh.
A little bit of an example so um. it just twenty nine percent uh. ended nineteen seventyeight uh. outside all that responds that the free market happen actions were married in two thousand eight so fifty two percent of americans were married in two thousand compared that to seventy two percent in nineteen sixty so less really yahoo less people are getting married that's a striking difference i wouldn't have thought that it was the uh. yeah it's a huge difference and uh. all what's interesting about that is the one where people are finding it.
Not that important to get married yeah i was struck by a by that that was the couple things here that asking whether marriages obsolete a forty percent thirty nine percent say it's obsolete that was twenty eight percent in nineteen seventy eight right uh. but the thirty nine percent now uh. about three and five sixty two percent of people who are living unmarried with the kid uh. they say it's not rent you would expect that bail because that big a deal position forty two percent of conservatives think marriages obsolete.
But they don't think it's good there bobbie about like that and easy about it but also in when you mentioned the education part so wake to really educated i get married and so you mention like surveillance john bainer saying like oh yes so only the lee scared very brighter and in that article that week that missus of because we like marriage but we think the elites anyway to get totally interesting story unloaded thirty to about forty percent of conservatives work papers is obsolete at the eight financial partners that marriage is obsolete worst that.
In fact ac doctor laurels commenting on the story today and she was deeply bothered by it which is unsurprising she would be deeply but nothing has changed in the percentage of people who say family is the most important thing right sonata destruction of family anyway she's people changing but oh my family's most important thing to me and he's not married to this guy and i got the kid were you know what that still the most important right at you know there was an entire section of the study called other resilience families and as you mentioned.
Most people find their family the most important element of their lives however uh. their definition of family has changed and i think rightfully so times are changing you don't have to be married to have a family and a lot of people in the study the majority of people in the study said decimal mother raising a child that's considered a family you know it does crazy idea of matt oneinch children it's no longer the only definition of a family uh. gay couples you know who have adopted children they're considered a family and i.
Love that that means that our clients that are progressing i thought was interesting that like what is the seventy seven percent of people think that was the most important thing and then but still sixty one percent uh. saying that there was a great one fifteen it's possible for square specks that help people but certainly that wake forest service or and it looks a little more just website were they happen i've thrown out so you can at your website on the ground georgia for a book and personal.
Toolbox Tuesday Gently End the Interruptions 661 4772196 Jennifer Hopes Therapy
Jennifer Hopes, Licensed Marriage Family Therapist. I recently read an article posted by An Everyday Story about teaching our kids to stop interrupting in the middle of our conversations. So, we all know the younger a child is, the ore likely to tug at our shirts or call our name repeatedly when we're right in the middle of a conversation. So how can you get them to stop interrupting without repeatedly telling them to quit interrupting, which sometimes just reinforces their own behavior An Everyday Story talks about teaching your child to place their hand on your wrist when they have something they need to say.
And then you then place your hand over theirs, letting them knowthis communicates to them that you'll be with them in just a minute as soon as you finish your sentence. This is obviously something you're going to have to teach your child and discuss with them prior to doing it. It's going to take time and patience as they learn to reduce the impulse to tug at your shirt and call you by name. But ultimately, over time it can be very effective. So you can check out the full article with all the details by going to AnEverydayStory.
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