MUSIC gt;gt; KING BACH: Baby, it’s morning! Good morning baby! Baby, wake up. LELE PONS SCREAMING gt;gt; LELE PONS: And that’s why I want a divorce. gt;gt; KING BACH: She sleeps too much. gt;gt; ALPHONSO MCAULEY: She doesn’t. she doesn’t wake up? gt;gt; LELE PONS: What?.

gt;gt; KING BACH: That.that’s what you be doing. gt;gt; ALPHONSO MCAULEY: How long does she normally sleep? gt;gt; KING BACH: 24 Hours. gt;gt; ALPHONSO MCAULEY: Well, I do understand why he would do that. gt;gt; LELE PONS: A fire extinguisher! gt;gt; KING BACH: I’m gonna call this bleep polar bear cause she be hibernating. gt;gt; ALPHONSO MCAULEY: Oh, so she’s dead to the world til’ about 3. gt;gt; LELE PONS: Oh, it’s my fault, okay, alright.

Well, um, you know what, what about this? Every time we’re walking he’s always slapping bleep. gt;gt; KING BACH: Yeah baby, you know I love you right. WAAZAA! gt;gt; LELE PONS: You just slapped her ass. gt;gt; KING BACH: No, no no. I was sneezing. I was like Achaea. gt;gt; LELE PONS: Sneeze. Yeah. Achoo. gt;gt; KING BACH: And I sneezed and it was a little reflex and the BLEEP was there. The BLEEP just happened to be there. I wasn’t going for the BLEEP. Like baby, if I was going for the BLEEP.

OHHHH. gt;gt;AMANDA CERNY: Oh my God! gt;gt; KING BACH: Oh, you scared me. gt;gt; LELE PONS: Why? gt;gt; KING BACH: I was scared baby you say that. gt;gt; KING BACH: Look at how she just bent down. What if she bent down and grabbed a gun and shot me? gt;gt; KING BACH: That’s the real question you should be asking. gt;gt; LELE PONS: She didn’t have a gun. gt;gt; KING BACH: How am I supposed to know? How am I supposed to go she wasn’t bending down for a gun? It’s scared me. Baby, I’m doing the for us. Woah, woah, woah, woah. Do you know where you’re going? You’s lost. You’ve gotta turn this way.

DRUM NOISES gt;gt; LELE PONS: BACH! gt;gt; KING BACH: Alright baby, that one, that one was on me. gt;gt; LELE PONS: That one’s your fault? gt;gt; KING BACH: I’m sorry, you can go back that way. gt;gt; LELE PONS: Bach! gt;gt; KING BACH: Um, she may call the police, so I’m gonna dip. The booty be big doc!.

gt;gt; ALPHONSO MCAULEY: So how big were they Bach? gt;gt; KING BACH: Kim Kardashian. gt;gt; ALPHONSO MCAULEY: Kim KardaYes. gt;gt; KING BACH: Multiply that by 2. gt;gt; ALPHONSO MCAULEY: That’s amazing. gt;gt; LELE PONS: Next question! gt;gt; KING BACH: Like she don’t respect my privacy. gt;gt; ALPHONSO MCAULEY: HeYou gotta put a little respect on his phone.

gt;gt; KING BACH: Like she be going through my phone, like she know the passcode to my phone. KING BACH LAUGHING Oh man, she crazy. She crazy. Man, she can talk. I’m gonna go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back. Lele! Finish that BLEEP off. gt;gt; LELE PONS: I go through your phone because I see side chick coming up. gt;gt; KING BACH: That’s the code.

Couples Therapy

gt;gt; BENITA: He’s never home anymore. gt;gt; DIEGO: Benita. gt;gt; BENITA: He doesn’t even tell me where he is. gt;gt; DIEGO: That’s not true. gt;gt; BENITA: Sometimes he’s playing soccer. gt;gt; BENITA: Sometimes he might not be playing soccer, be playing with another girl you know what I mean. gt;gt; DIEGO: That’s not true. Oh my God. gt;gt; DIEGO: That’s not true. gt;gt; BENITA: I call him all the time. gt;gt; DIEGO: I’m not. gt;gt; BENITA: He never answers, it’s another girl that answers.

gt;gt; DIEGO: Benita can I talk? gt;gt; BENITA: Yeah right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. gt;gt; DIEGO: Can I talk please? Jesus Christ, I thought this was marriage counseling, not crazy latina women who can’t really cook counseling. gt;gt; BENITA: Yes. Haha. Okay. gt;gt; DIEGO: Anyway she looks through my Shots and my Instagram and she reads my text messages while I’m sleeping. gt;gt; BENITA: That’s because he’s always texting other girls. gt;gt; DIEGO: Benita, I text them because I want to make sure my phone is still working.

gt;gt; BENITA: Oh really? gt;gt; DIEGO: Yeah. gt;gt; BENITA: What about that text you sent Patricia last night? gt;gt; DIEGO: What text? gt;gt; BENITA: And how come you never like my picture? gt;gt; DIEGO: I don’t know Benita, maybe my phone is just a little broken, you know? It’s an iPhone. Maybe, maybe I have to go to the Apple Store and… gt;gt; BENITA: I always know when he’s lying to me you know?.

gt;gt; DIEGO: Don’t be crazy I never lie. gt;gt; BENITA: Every time you lie you do this little thing with your head. gt;gt; DIEGO: What thing with my head? gt;gt; BENITA: Watch this. Diego do you like my empanadas? gt;gt; DIEGO: Yes, I like them very much. gt;gt; BENITA: HA! See I told you.

gt;gt; DIEGO: What do you mean? I was stretching. gt;gt; BENITA: Do you like my mother? gt;gt; DIEGO: Yes Benita, of course I like your mother. gt;gt; BENITA: Disgrace! That’s my mom! gt;gt; DIEGO: Oh my god… gt;gt; BENITA: Diego I can’t believe you! gt;gt; DIEGO: Benita, please she’s like 97 years old and her farts smell like beef burritos.

gt;gt; BENITA: Okay. One more question. Do you love me? gt;gt; DIEGO: Yes Benita, I love you. gt;gt; BENITA: Well, at least that was honest. I mean the least you can do is love me after all the stupid things that you do. I mean I have to wait for you. You never.

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