Marriage Counseling How to Deal With a Cheating Spouse

Hi, I'm Joe Cuenco with Family Resources. We're talking about how to improve our relationship skills today, specifically, how to deal with a cheating spouse. Just how do you deal with a cheating spouse Hopefully this is something that know one will ever have to deal with but basically there's a lot at stake here, it is your marriage so it really needs to be dealt with specifically and critically. What is really at the root cause What is the root cause of your spouse cheating Are they not getting something at home Is there.

Another issue, is it a relationship issue that needs to be examined A real relationship inventory really needs to be taken. Perhaps it's your spouse, does your spouse have a confidence issue, low selfesteem or is there other things going on Perhaps, your spouse needs to have some counseling or some professional help. There's the other side of the coin, is there excesses in some instances Is there drug use, is there alcohol use or something else going on that's addiction wise that's causing your spouse to be unfaithful Realistically, those attitudes and behaviors need to be dealt with. There's things that you could and just.

Keep that person out of the environments where may lead to some problems. Keep them out of bars, or strip clubs, or wherever the areas that create problems. Realistically, you have to ask yourself why would you want to deal with this situation because life is too short. Realistically, a cheating spouse displays a gross lack of respect for the family, for you and we know, from successful couples, that trust is a paramount issue. Trust is the first gate, beyond that, all the other dimensions, love, friendship and follow. We.

Have to recognize that some behaviors and some people will never change and then you have to make a decision on what you want to do and that's a very personal one. Again, don't take that lightly, use a counselor or some professional help to help you through that, make that decision. Sometimes it's a one time thing where somebody gets involved in a situation where a party or whatever and realistically, it was just situational. Many couples have been able to work through that successfully and be stronger. That's how we.

Marriage Counseling How to Tell if Your Wife is Cheating

Hi, I'm Joe Cuenco with Family Resources, and today we're going to be talking about our relationship skills and issues that we may have. Specifically, how do we tell if our wife is cheating Hopefully, this is something that you won't ever have to deal with, but what are the things that you need to understand to try and determine if your wife is cheating Unfortunately, nine times out of ten, if you have an intuition, then probably your intuition is correct. You need to look at both subtle and major changes in behaviors and the behavioral.

Patterns. For example, think about it. If you have a fine tuned automobile, or your motor boat, you know the way it sounds and the way it runs. And if it starts to misfire, you know that something's. is off kilter. And that's probably the feelings that you're getting. Now, you have to think about her behaviors. If she's come back from a business trip and acted a little differently. Is she buying you all sorts of flowers, is she telling that she loves you erratically, or differently A much different pattern. So the changes in.

Behavior you really need to pick up on, and kind of define how those behaviors are in terms of her normal pattern. And is there deflection taking place Matter of fact, is she accusing you of things, of other behaviors So you need to be aware that deflection tactic is very common in these situations. You could go to the extremes of monitoring her texts, her emails, her phone calls, or watching where she goes. Using electronic surveillance devices. These are extremes, but, you know, if you want to find out the situation, you.

Know, those are options that are available to you. So, you need to prepared that it's a two way street. That there's going to be some accountability and some culpability, because, relationships don't go.have problems like this without two people really being involved and having some accountability. Perhaps it's your working eighty hours a week. Perhaps you're doing things that are taking you away from her, not giving the emotional support that she needs. The direct approach is best. Have you asked her, and watched her physical reaction Do you believe she's you telling the truth, 'cause many times wives and husbands.

Marriage Counseling How to Choose a Partner For Life

Hi I'm Joe Cuenco with Family Resources. Today we're going to be talking about not to live the rest of our life alone. Specifically how to choose a partner for life. Well just how do we choose a partner or life Well I wish I could say that it's just as ease as going behind isle 12 in a grocery store but it's, it's not that, that, that easy. The first thing we really need to do is take a look in the mirror. We really need to do an introspective.

Look and say who are we from an inventory perspective. What do we want short term, long term and then approach it from there. You really need to think about who we'd like to be matched up with long term that's very similar to our short term goals and our long term goals, and who we really are. Are you looking to be with a professional Do you want to be with somebody's who a University Professor. Do you want to work with somebody or be with somebody who's maybe in the architectural trades Or somebody's who involved in sports.

Perhaps you need to find somebody's who's, who's a marathoner because those things are important to you. But you really need to, really need to take a look at what your, your life styles are and try and match those up with your potential partner. The first part is really doing an introspective look in improving your own self confidence. That comes from educating yourself being the best person that you can be and making sure that you radiate that self confidence. You need to find somebody that has the relationship fundamentals down.

Somebody who's going to love you, you can trust, communicate with you, respect you and be your friend for life. And if these things are not there then you're really going to have a difficulty or difficult time moving the relationship, relationship to the next level. The other thing is find somebody who's going to treat you special. Do the little things for you. Brig you a cup of coffee in the morning. A martini at night. Or a beer while you're watching a football game. Or rub her shoulder or rub her feet. Put gas.

In her car. Make her eel very special. The other thing you need to take a look at is is what level of interaction takes place with the family. Can you get along with the family That's an important, important thing. What are your short term goals, your long term goals What does your retirement look like Do you want children So you have to be aligned from that view point because if you're not then you're going to, this discongruity is going to create problems for you later on down the road. So share the same goals. Share.

Marriage Counseling How to Deal With a Controlling Spouse

Hi, I'm Joe Cuenco with Family Resources and we're working on our relationship skills today. We're going to be talking about how to deal with a controlling spouse. Well, just how do we deal with a controlling spouse The first thing I would recommend is taking the remote control away, no realistically, the first process is started by having communication with one another just understanding what behaviors are existing and how they're effecting each individual in the relationship. It's important for individuals to know that at the end of the day, you really can't control someones behaviors and the more you try and control,.

The more that individual is going to push back. It becomes a cycle, a process that just deteriorates and that's not healthy in a relationship, you want to build up. It really starts with the communication process, with the expectations of roles and responsibilities for each partner. Once that's discussed and there's communication and each person understands what's happening, then there can be a free flow of dialog and also an understanding of the behaviors that are good and the behaviors that are bad. Sometimes we need to understand that with a person who's.

Controlling maybe has some issues with confidence and, perhaps, that individual will need to have some professional counseling. The more you are proactive in working and having communication in a relationship, this could be much more beneficial. We have to recognize that all of us have needs, wants and desires that are going to be fulfilled in a relationship and some are not so once we come to an understanding and understand that, we'll be much happier in being satisfied and understanding that this is the way that the situation is. Compromise.

Marriage Counseling How to Talk to Your Partner About Rekindling a Romance

Hi, I'm Joe Cuenco with Family Resources. Today we're going to be talking about our relationship skills, and building them. Specifically, how do we talk to our partner about rekindling a romance. Now, this is a very important thing that many couples go through. Basically, they fall in love, sometimes they kind of fall out of love, they fall out of alignment. So, how do we actually rekindle the romance that was once there Well, it's important that we, we understand that the, the relationship fundamentals are there. Is there trust Is.

There respect Is there friendship Is there communication there And, we need to have those, really before we can begin to rekindle the romance and the love that was initially there. It probably is a good start to have a communication dialog and have a relationship inventory. Basically, when you sit down with your, with your partner, your wife, talk about what are good things that are happening in the relationship, and what are the good things that, that perhaps need improvement What are some areas where you're not doing so well.

At So, take this inventory, put together an action plan. How you will address that, perhaps it's, maybe you're working, the husband is working sixty hours a week. Perhaps the wife is playing too much tennis with her friends. Perhaps there's things where you're not actually spending enough time together, to solidify the relationship. So, so work on these issues, one by one. Come to an agreement, that you're going to abide by a plan, and actually work through these things, that will be ultimately important to you. The, an attitude and dependability.

Is, is real key, is real key here, that you're going to follow through an exercise what you've agreed to. Once you get through these items that need to work through, then you can actually begin the healing process, the dating process, and then start from there to where you can start to rekindle the sparks. Then you do the special things for one another. Go out on, on special dates, do things that are exciting to one another. So, it's, it all part of a long term process. You need to make sure that you give more of yourself and then you'll.

Marriage Counseling How to Be a Man of Integrity

Hi, I'm Joe Cuenco with Family Resources. Today we're going to be talking about how to become a better person. Specifically, how to become a man of integrity. Well just how do we become a man of integrity Well, realistically, if you aren't one already, it's really tough to become one. But, from the fundamentals perspective, this is really something that emanates from your soul. Is really who you are, how you've grown up, how you've become this entity, this person of integrity. It's really something that is developed and established.

Over time. But it can be learned, but there are certain behaviors that are really essential to the person of integrity. First of all, your word. Are you good for your word Is what you say honest Can people take you at your word Are you dependable You know, if you say that you're going to be somewhere at three o'clock, you show up at four or five or don't show up at all. You know, these are things that are very irritating to a lot of people. Is your behavior predictable Meaning that, if you were put into a certain situation,.

Where people would expect you to have a certain outcome, you know, can they depend on you to have thatto do the right thing. Are you trustworthy In a situation where maybe the cashier gives you an extra twenty, do you give the money back or do you keep it Lastly, are you an honest person Can you be trusted to do the right thing all the time So, when you add up all these dimensions and talk about how they make up the fiber of an individual's being, you really become this person or are this person of integrity. This person of integrity.

Will be helpful to others. Will volunteer, participate in charitable efforts. Or if that person on the street needs five dollars because they're hungry, a person of integrity will help that person. Help on a small scale, and help on a large scale if they can do these things. In essence, if a person looks at you and says this person is a good person, than most likely you are a man of integrity. And hopefully with that understanding, you can understand how to become a man of integrity. I'm Joe Cuenco, with Family Resources. Relationships.

Marriage Counseling How to Recognize Signs of an Extramarital Affair

Hi, I'm Joe Cuenco with Family Resources and today we are going to be talking about how to deal with relationship issues, specifically how to recognize signs of an extramarital affair, and hopefully this is something that you will never have to deal with. Just how do you pick up on signs of an extramarital affair Well, unfortunately are intuition is right nine times out of ten, and if you're sensing that something is going wrong or eschew, chances are you are probably right. There are probably subtle signals that you're picking.

Up on, or there could be major things taking place as well. For example, is your partner or your spouse buying you an excessive amount of flowers Or, is this person saying I love you so much more It's like having a finely tuned automobile and once you're used to the sounds and the way the vibrations are something starts happening, starts missing, misfiring, you know that something is wrong. It's a subtle way to pick up on hints. Be careful of the deflection techniques. It could be, the person could be saying, accusing you of having an.

Affair, or using these things such as buying flowers to deflect attention to the fact that there's some bad behavior going on. So, you could go to extremes of monitoring the emails, the texts, the phone messages, and monitoring where they go. There's all types of electronic surveillance devices. But, do you really want to go to those extremes to find out if that type of behavior is going on This isn't really a slippery slope. Secondly, if that breach of trust has been broken, trust is the number on fundamental that successful couples have.

Said is paramount of importance, and friendship and all the other things really are subsequent, secondary to having that fundamental love. So, you also need to recognize, if something like this is happening, there's you need to be in a position to accept some responsibility, not blame, but accept responsibility. Have you ultimately asked your partner if something is going on and watch for a physical reaction because they may tell you the truth, or they may try to cover it up. So, lastly if you're not getting an answer, talk to their friends.

Marriage Counseling How to Forgive an Unfaithful Husband

Hi I'm Joe Cuenco with family resources. Today we are going to be talking about dealing with relationship issues. Specifically how to forgive an unfaithful husband. Just what do we need to do to forgive an unfaithful husband. There's a lot at stake here. Obviously your marriage, future, and the past the time that you spend together. So we really need to understand what's happening at the root cause here, just why was this behavior engaged in. Was it unsatisfying sex, was there some physical things that he emotional needs that he was not getting out.

Of the relationship. These are questions that all need to be asked because sometimes it really becomes a two way street. There's really a no fault issue here. It is joint responsibility when something happens, so we really need to understand those and get to the root of that. And counseling perhaps can be helpful in that situation. But you also need to understand that this maybe a confidence issue, he may have low self esteem, he needs, he himself needs professional help. But before you can get to the forgiveness aspect, he has, he.

Does have to ask for forgiveness. So has he asked you for forgiveness, has he promised that these behaviors that he's engaged in won't happen again, perhaps it's tied to other behaviors, excessive drinking, drugs or something like that. So it's going to be tough to keep him out of the environment that caused him to be in that situation but realistically he's going to have fess up and say I'm going to be away from those types of behaviors and those types of environments. We need to understand that this behavior displays a gross lack of.

Respect for you the relationship and destroys trust. Trust is the number one issue that successful couples have indicated are paramount in a relationship. Nothing else can really follow strongly without that element of trust. So we recognize that some individuals may not change these ingrained behaviors and you really have to make a decision. Think about whether or not this is something for you long term. But if it's a one time thing, perhaps with counseling, perhaps couples can work through this and become stronger. But you really need to think through the situation, was it one time thing or how can it be dealt.

Marriage Counseling How to Be the Perfect Wife

Hi I'm Joe Cuenco with family resources and today we are going to be talking about how to improve our marital relationship skills. In particular how to become the perfect wife. Well just how do we become the perfect wife. Well we are really not talking about the stepford wife syndrome, some folks might have thought about that movie. We are really talking about how is it that you can be perfect for your husband. Every man has his particular taste and to be a perfect wife you really need to understand what is something special that.

Your husband enjoys and what he doesn't like and not to that. So this is really going to be personality based. But the first thing that needs to happen is that you really need to sit down and have a discussion with your husband. There maybe important things that he likes, maybe a very important meal. Perhaps he wants four hours on Sunday just to vegetate and watch a football game.You know so it's important to give him that time to make him feel special. We all want to feel special that's important to men. And in order to be.

A perfect wife, there really needs to have an understanding about this. So there's the major things, absolutely the foundation fundamentals. You know, love, trust, communication, respect and friendship if those are not there, then those skills really need to be worked on. But there's also little things too that can make a man happy. You know can you meet him at the door when he comes home from work after a tough day with a martini and every once in a while a man appreciates meeting his wife at the front door in saran wrap. Or a cup.

A coffee in the morning so these are all things that make him feel very important. The other part of the equation is how are you with his friends. You know are you friends with his friends or are you kind of standoffish. So it's important that there's a certain level of engagement there. So you know realistically you need to demonstrate that you care about him, you want to have fun with him and having fun with him is sharing in some real common interests. You know you need to have your own alone time, he needs to have his alone.

Time, but there are things that you need to do together that you can share and have fun.I've talked to couples who go off into theater together and then if the husband enjoys going to a strip club every once in a while his wife joins him and that's something that's special to them so. Whatever you need to do to build up the relationship. So be prepared to give and ultimately you'll receive.You know from your husband so be supportive, make him feel important and there's also workshops that can be attended. Family resources puts.

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