Marriage Counseling How to Deal With a Cheating Spouse
Hi, I'm Joe Cuenco with Family Resources. We're talking about how to improve our relationship skills today, specifically, how to deal with a cheating spouse. Just how do you deal with a cheating spouse Hopefully this is something that know one will ever have to deal with but basically there's a lot at stake here, it is your marriage so it really needs to be dealt with specifically and critically. What is really at the root cause What is the root cause of your spouse cheating Are they not getting something at home Is there.
Another issue, is it a relationship issue that needs to be examined A real relationship inventory really needs to be taken. Perhaps it's your spouse, does your spouse have a confidence issue, low selfesteem or is there other things going on Perhaps, your spouse needs to have some counseling or some professional help. There's the other side of the coin, is there excesses in some instances Is there drug use, is there alcohol use or something else going on that's addiction wise that's causing your spouse to be unfaithful Realistically, those attitudes and behaviors need to be dealt with. There's things that you could and just.
Keep that person out of the environments where may lead to some problems. Keep them out of bars, or strip clubs, or wherever the areas that create problems. Realistically, you have to ask yourself why would you want to deal with this situation because life is too short. Realistically, a cheating spouse displays a gross lack of respect for the family, for you and we know, from successful couples, that trust is a paramount issue. Trust is the first gate, beyond that, all the other dimensions, love, friendship and follow. We.
Have to recognize that some behaviors and some people will never change and then you have to make a decision on what you want to do and that's a very personal one. Again, don't take that lightly, use a counselor or some professional help to help you through that, make that decision. Sometimes it's a one time thing where somebody gets involved in a situation where a party or whatever and realistically, it was just situational. Many couples have been able to work through that successfully and be stronger. That's how we.
Relationship problems, marriage therapy with hypnotherapist at Marlborough House Therapy Centre
The subject as relationships causes people a great deal of pain now human beings are social creatures and relationships are important to them whether this is real personal relationship work relationships family relationships it all matters. Yes to some extent some people will find their happy home coordinating, getting right but many people do suffer so at divorce with the divorce rate near about 40 percent and in surveys of financially successful couples showing that the equally unhappy if not more so. Anything you read in the press saying that happy relationships are based on finance are.
Utter nonsense. Happy relationships are based on treating each other in the right way and yet, why is it that intelligent people in the relationship will have an utterly miserable time. I'd put forward that a lot of people are utterly clueless about what a relationship means and this is not due to the rational components of the mind but the fact is that we operate from the emotional level and we are very often quite unconscious of our bejeweled behaviors so over the years we found rather than the regular marriage counseling type.
Approach which has limited success we've used hypnotherapy an coaching to help people get a better understanding of themselves and what they want in a relationship. Its a fact that some relationships do need to end there's no doubt about that, but people are just not suited and not willing but what has puzzled many many people is why do people who are perfectly capable of learning and excel in many areas of their life why do they carry on repeating the same mistakes in relationship simple question worth asking because very often couples will leave the situation get worse and worse.
Knowing that it isn't working, but they sit there hope that it gets better, that's not how a relationship improves, it takes understanding and it does take effort and we have the expertise to help you in that process and we offer a free initial assessment so please consider coming in to talk to us before you leave it and then too much resentment too much pain ends up finishing your relationship. We're here to help We're a team of experts we understand how you feel and we are very ethical in our approach, thank you.
What Its Like To Be In A Long Distance Relationship
I am currently in a long distance relationship. For two and a half years it was long distance. The first was two years and I am in one now. We've dated for two years. Then we dated a year long distance. Then we lived together for a year and then we did six months or so long distance before it ended. We were long distance for a year. What It's Like To Be In A Long Distance Relationship The hardest part is feeling that nobody else thinks.
That what you're doing is sustainable. You don't have to plan your day around it, but you definitely have to make extra effort. So there'd be a lot of issues as far as communication where I'm not willing to Skype for three hours. We still call each other Sometimes. like every three days, I'd say. You run out of things to say on the phone. How was your day It was fine. Like, Did anything happen It's like, No, not really, like, It was just like a normal day..
And so then there's silence. What was special about my day and how did it change me and how can I share that with the other person Even if you're just sitting in the car driving someplace in silence, you're together and you feel that. And you don't have that when you're in a long distance relationship and you're trying to artificially recreate it but silence over the phone is, I mean, it's nothing, right Silence in person means something. You fall in love and it's hard and it's like,.
Will I connect with someone like this again And is it worth it When you really like someone or even love someone, it makes it worth it. You're constantly asking yourself, Is it worth it And I feel like I learn something new every time I ask myself that question. I mean, it wasn't worth it, right Cause we broke up. So. But, we were never like, But. this is ending our relationship. Yeah. It was just, this sucks, that this is our relationship right now.
Really when it comes down to it any your relationship ends, when either one person stops caring about the other or both people give up. I think the key to doing a long distance relationship is having an end in sight. Like a date, she would move in, Mmhmm. we would move in together in July, so, we knew that. And then we did. We did. Woooo. You really learn about communication and how to stay open with someone. It made us also, like,.
Not dwell as much on, like, little arguments anymore, unless you forget to bring your girlfriend potatoes laughing from the German restaurant. She will drill it home for an hour at you. This happened last night. Waiting, you know, several days before you can even talk or Skype with the other person. Or waiting months before you can hug them again. It's hard giggling. It makes you appreciate loving someone when you can see them everyday. Aaaww. Mmhmm. So sweet. lips smacking Man I had some.
Avoiding Divorce by Asking TOUGH Questions on Core Issues BEFORE Marriage
You brought up the church, the religious premarital counselling. And I know there's a lot of churches that offer that, and it seems like a really good service. But do they touch upon or hit upon these really difficult points. I don't know if you know what they go through or not. But it sounds like yours is very much inyourface and very direct about things. A lot of times counselling in various things, you're just trying to get you to, it seems like to me, talk about things, and either create problems or you don't get to the bulk of what the problem.
Really is. In your case, was this written by you Yes. And did you just take kind of these that I've chose from all your past clients. Because you could have seen in real life what it really is. Right. Because I have been practicing for a long time, and I've had just my mediation practice for almost 15 years now. So you can imagine, especially in the mediation, when I'm working with both parties, I get to see the dynamic on both sides regarding each issue that's kind of caused the breakdown of the.
Marriage. And they're usually related to religion, money, affairs so anything kind of sex related. And sometimes it's also the role in the relationship. Like they don't talk about, Are we going to both have careers when were married or When we have children, do we want one of us to stay home, does one of us even want to stay home, would we want to go parttime, can we afford to do this And those really aren't things that people necessarily talk about prior to getting married, because they feel like it's kind of jumping the gun. Or.
If they do, they talk about it very loosely. And I think it's really important to make sure when you're starting something like marriage together, that you're on the same page. Because that just makes you this power couple moving forward, instead of two individuals who could potentially have friction moving forward when issues come up. And again, we're not going to hit on everything that's going to come up, but there are some core issues that are the leading causes of divorce these days that I address. And you're right, it's a little.
Bit inyourface. And the purpose isn't to cause problems and convince the couple not to get married. Because what I'm trying to do is kind of salvage the potential for breakdown later in the marriage by addressing these beforehand. And so it usually doesn't incite problems with the couple because there's no hot topic that's readily apparent. We're actually just working through them before, and they probably think some of the stuff I ask them as sort of silly. But it's good, and the couples that I've done it with have come back and.
Marriage Relationship Advice How to Handle a Cheating Girlfriend
Hi, I'm Patti German and I'm a licensed family therapist here in New York City. In this clip we're going to talk about how to handle a cheating girlfriend. The first part in understanding that your girlfriend is cheating on you is to get professional help. I really don't believe that you can handle this on your own. There are many many reasons why a person is not staying loyal in a relationship. And the excitement of someone else enters into it. So I highly recommend that you seek counseling, marriage counseling at this point because to to stop.
The the pain at that point, a professional person can help understand, help you understand what's underneath the cheating. What's underneath the not staying loyal. What's underneath the betray. And it takes a little bit of time but it's a true indication that a relationship has problems. So to clarify, it's important that you go to a marriage councilor whether you're married or not, to help understand what's happening in a relationship. Marriage councilors work with relationships whether people are married or not. There's some indication that there's a problem in the relationship and if it goes forward it's only going to.
Common Problems Couples Experience When Dealing with Breast Cancer
Lisa Schneider Dr. Shapiro let's start with you. How did you go into this type of work I know that you are a cancer survivor yourself. Dr. Shapiro Right. I was diagnosed when I was 20 with a lymphoma and then spent the next five years in and out of treatment and it was, while I was also just trying to self execute with my life and eventually I decided to become a psychologist and I actually studied patient's responses to illness. I also felt like the system was not that great, so I got.
Really interested in medical systems and the patient physician communication that sort of thing. Lisa Schneider I am very curious to know more about your work with couples coping with cancer. Obviously, you have had the personal experience of being in both roles and I also know that you have worked with many couples. What are you finding as the most common conflict points between those couples Dr. Shapiro I think one of the early conflicts is around how to deal with the party and physicians for example, some folks are really deferential to physicians, while others are really aggressive.
Weird Things All Couples Fight About
Cheery strings music play That's not how you fold the towels. It doesn't matter how you fold a towel. It does matter how you fold a towel. If you want it to fit in the closet, you have to roll it. loud crunch Oh my God could you chew any louder louder crunch This goes on here. It takes two seconds. Well.Then the next person who comes in will do it. That's not the point. Hey did you throw away my left overs No. I coulda swo ohh you bitch. What did you call me.
Nothing. The toilet paper goes over. It's printed that way so you could see it. No. The toilet paper goes under so that the cats don't get at it. That makes no sense. What do you want to get for dinner I don't really care. The just pick something. You choose. Told ya! Shut up. I don't see why I have to put the utensils face down Because when they're sticking up like that, if someone trips and falls, they're going to impail themselves and die. That's literally the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
I'm not playing this game where I list every single thing and you shoot it all down. I'm not doing this again. Well then I don't know what to tell you. Oh my gosh watch this! This is the best line. Did you watch this without me You weren't home! mug clanks Seriously! 6 more inches and it's in the sink. Well then put it in 6 more inches. heavy sigh Get it I get it. Anything will be fine. Fine. Fine! Alright! We're gonna get. pizza It's food. Anything but pizza. phone slams on table.
What do you wanna eat That is Bill Paxton! It is Bill Pullman. Bill Paxton was in Aliens.That is Bill Paxton. That is him. Game over, man. That is that man right there. Why am I gonna put them away I'm wearing them tomorrow morning. I don't care if you're wearing them tomorrow morning. I don't want them just sitting by my side of the bed all night. Why do you do this! You squeeze from the bottom. The next person doesn't have to squeeze then. It's toothpaste. It's not like it's hard to squeeze it from a new area on the tube.
Why are we fighting about this Why are we fighting about this Why are we fighting about this!. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. made you make the decision. With that being said, I think your original call of pizza is fine. Just no pepperoni. cheery strings music What do you want on it then Anything other than pepperoni. Oh my God! I'm going to murder you and when the pizza guy gets here, he's going to help me bury your body and then we're going to get married. No, he won't 'cause he'll probably be like Yeah I feel you, bro..
Mad About Marriage Dealing with Avoidance Withdrawal from your Partner
Oh man what a day, I'm so happy to be home. Hi sweetie, I'm glad you're home too, kiss I've been waiting up for you. I've been waiting up to talk. You told Joey that he could build a ramp for his bike so he can do tricks Honey please, please not now If not now, when It's always not now with you. Soon, look okay I've just got a lot on my plate. You've always got a lot on your plate. We need to discuss this. We need to work this out. We need to talk about it.
You know, do you always want to start a fight Can't you just choose to be happy I'm not trying to start a fight. I want us to talk. I want us to solve this as a team. Yeah well, you always say you don't want to start a fight but we always end up fighting. You know, I don't have the strength right now and Joey's going to be fine. This isn't about Joey. This is about us. We can't solve anything if we don't talk. I can't do it. I can't do it right now. I've gotta go to bed. I've got a big meeting tomorrow.
How Darwin Can Save Your Marriage
We are designed by evolution to be titillated by erotic novelty, males and females. Given that evolutionary design, it's completely predictable that 10 years of the same thing, whether it's the same music or the same food or the same sex partner, is going to lead to resentment, discomfort, whatever. It'92s going to lead to a diminishment of passion, certainly. So we start with that and then we add to that the notion that we're taught that that shouldn't happen, that if it does happen there's something wrong with you or something wrong with your relationship.'a0.
And so people aren't expecting that to happen, and so they interpret that diminishment of passion as a failure. The point that we're trying to get across in the book is that it's not your fault. It's not your partner's fault. It's the fault of the clash between the sort of animal we are and the sort of society we've designed. And as long as there's that conflict between our biology and our societies, there are going to be these problems. So a harm reduction approach might make a lot more sense than this sort of absolutist approach that a lot of people take where any.
Infidelity, any, you know, my husband looks at porn, that means he doesn't love me anymore. I mean, these sorts of responses to very natural behaviors cause a lot more problems than they solve, I think. I think if marriage is going to survive as an institution, it's going to certainly have to continue adapting to the realities of human nature as opposed to trying to shoehorn human nature into some predetermined shape. The point of marriage is that you want to get old with someone. You want to share your life with someone. Maybe you want to raise children with someone. You want.
To have a certain stability and trust that you couldn't possibly get with shortterm relationships. That's the point of marriage. And by imposing this expectation of sexual exclusivity for 40, 50, 60 years, we're cutting ourselves off from those really important things for something that's essentially trivial. Sex really isn't really that important. It's not that big a deal. And by making it such a big deal, we sabotage things that really are important, these primary relationships.'a0 We have children going through divorces, victimized by the psychological trauma of divorce, over what.
Over what That mommy or daddy had sex with someone else Who cares The problem is, much like the war on drugs, the problem is that we take this absolutist approach to something that people are always going to do. People are always going to smoke marijuana. People are always going to drink alcohol and coffee and whatever. But we make these arbitrary judgments on what's acceptable and what isn'92t, that have nothing to do with the actual harm that anything of these things could cause to people. So we throw people in prison for, you know, growing a marijuana plant on their windowsill.
It makes no sense it causes much more harm than just letting people do what they want to do. And really, whose business is it if a couple decides that they're going to, you know, allow a little casual sexual behavior on the side, especially if, as Dan Savage argues, and I agree, it takes the pressure off the relationship. If the door's open a little bit, you don't feel trapped. It doesn't mean the door has to be swung wide open, but, you know, the fact that it's open a little bit doesn't mean that the.
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