(dramatic music) We used to go out. Concerts, dancing, hiking. We were fun. What do you think changed? It’s like when you lose weight.

You don’t notice it happening. And then one day you look in the mirror and you’re a totally different person. How does that make you feel? I hate that I’m not who I used to be. Neither of us are.

I come home to john and i’m frustrated that. I’m frustrated. I feel like anger is who I am now. When I try and talk to John about it, he just shuts down. John is in the room. Please address him.

john. What are you feeling? Are you mad that we’re here? May I ask, have you tried resetting? Resetting? A clean restart.

of course we’ve tried resetting, that’s the first thing we did. Can we try it again here? In this office? It’s not gonna work. It’s more complicated than that.

all i can do if offer proven strategies. Just because one doesn’t work the first time doesn’t mean you should stop trying it. Judy Fine. You too. Alright, see you next week?.

judy i think we’ve got it from here. Great. I love you, Judy. I love you, John. Please come in. John Hey, how are you?.

The Simple Question that Can Repair a Broken Relationship SuperSoul Sunday Oprah Winfrey Network

oprah:when i was reading this i was thinking about, who are the people I need to clean up things with? To be in that space of cleaning up. And to be able to be in the position to say, what did I do to hurt you? How did I hurt you? What could I have done better? You all did all of that. ELIZABETH:Yes, we did. OPRAH:Yeah. ELIZABETH:And we did it because, as I.

Said, we wanted to teach our cells to do the same thing when they got into her body. You know, like don’t attack. Don’t reject. So we went through that, how did I hurt you? How did I hurt you? Will you forgive me? And OPRAH:Wow, isn’t that that is so powerful. And as you say that, I think about all the people who are listening to us right now who have been hurt or hurt other people and how simple it would be just to ELIZABETH:It is. It’s so simple. OPRAH: enter the space of peace.

With that by saying, how did i hurt you? elizabeth:how did i hurt you? tell me. And then to listen. Then to listen. It’s very hard not to get defensive. OPRAH:Yeah, not to get defensive. ELIZABETH:And this is why having atherapist we only met with him twice. He taught us how to do it on our own. We then spent months. OPRAH:How to really listen and not start with your, I didn’t mean that and I can’t believe you felt that. ELIZABETH:That’s right. Really his only job the whole time.

Was, like, wait a minute. let her finish. and that’s so it’s simple. but it’s not easy. And sometimes you need help. OPRAH:Mmhmm. ELIZABETH:And not everyone is safe to do it with. This is an important point. OPRAH:Yes. Yeah. ELIZABETH:Yeah. OPRAH:That’s not just important. That’s essential. You have to be in agreement to do it. ELIZABETH:You do. OPRAH:You can’t do it with somebody who is still caring who still wants to hold onto the anger. .

Elizabeth:that’s right. and i can assureyou, it doesn’t work. because i have tried. OPRAH:(Laughter.) ELIZABETH:Over and over sometimes with the same person. OPRAH:Really. ELIZABETH:Yes. You know, I came out of the experience, like, okay, I’mgonnaclean it up. OPRAH:Yeah. ELIZABETH:But there are some people who it will threaten, there’s some people who really don’t want to go there and who are so wounded that they just still feel they have to wound other people. You.

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