Key Peele Office Homophobe
Rhythmic bass beat, sensual moans LATRELL WHAT'S UP, BABY GIRL CAN YOU PLEASE TURN THAT OFF WHY, YOU DON'T LIKE MY MUSIC IS IT MUSIC BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE A BUNCH OF SEX NOISES OVER A BASS LINE. OH. I GET IT. YOU DON'T LIKE MY MUSIC 'CAUSE I'M GAY. YOU CAN'T HANDLE A GAY MAN'S MUSIC. NO, NO, NO. IT'SI'M TRYING TO WORK HERE, AND THAT MUSIC IS WEIRDLY SEXUAL. OH, I SEE. SO MY SEXUALITY IS WEIRD. YOU JUST CAN'T FATHOM A MAN BEING ATTRACTED.
TO ANOTHER MAN. I CAN FATHOM IT. IT'S CAN YOU JUST PLEASE LISTEN TO SOME OTHER GAY MUSIC, LIKE BARBRA STREISAND OR SOMETHING OH, I SEE, I SEE. OKAY. SO LISTENING TO BARBRA STREISAND IS GAY. STEREOTYPE MUCH keys clacking SO YOU SEEING ANYBODY LATELY YEAH, II MEAN, KIND OF. I THINK 'CAUSE I GOT IT GOOD LAST NIGHT. OH, IT WAS LIKE, DAMN! I MEAN, MY MAN WAS LIKE, BLOP! LIKE, HE HAD A BABY ARM HOLDING ON TO A APPLE. AW, DON'T CALL IT A BABY ARM.
AW. I SEE. SO YOU CAN'T HANDLE HEARING ABOUT HOW I'M GAY. I'M SORRY. YOU JUST REFERRED TO YOUR BOYFRIEND'S PENIS AS A BABY'S ARM HOLDING AN APPLE. WELL, THAT'S WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE. AND IT'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND, BY THE WAY. AND ANYWHATS, YOU'RE HOMOPHOBIC. NO, NO, NO. THAT'S NOT HOMOPHOBIC, OKAY YOU'RE EXPLICITLY TALKING ABOUT SEXUAL THINGS IN THE WORKPLACE. FINE. THERE'S PLENTY OF STUFF THAT WE CAN TALK ABOUT. YOU KNOW, UH, MY PENIS CUP, MY SCROTUM COZIES THAT I HAVE BEEN KNITTING RECENTLY.
OH, WITH THESE KNITTING NEEDLES THAT I HAVE JUST NOTICED LOOK LIKE LITTLE, SKINNY, PURPLE PENISES, ET CETERA AND ET CETERA. OH, MY GOD. CAN I SHOW YOU A PICTURE, AND THEN YOU TELL ME IF IT'S GOOD FOR FACEBOOK OKAY, I'M FAIRLY CERTAIN YOU'RE GOING TO SHOW ME SOMETHING OVERTLY SEXUAL. DON'T YOU PREJUDGE ME! HERE IT IS. AGH! bleep! THAT'S A CLOSEUP OF AN ANUS. OH, NO, THAT'S NOTltigt ANltigt ANUS. THAT'S MY ANUS, BABY GIRL. THAT'S DISGUSTING. OH, I SEE.
SO YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE A CLOSEUP PICTURE OF MY ANUS 'CAUSE YOU HATE GUY MEN. NO. I DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT A CLOSEUP PICTURE OF ANYONE'S ANUS. HOMOPHOBE. HOMOPHOBE. THERE'S A HOMOPHOBE RIGHT HERE. HO blows whistle HOMOPHOBE ALERT! highpitched voice HOMOPHOBE! imitating siren wailing HEY. HEY, BABY. HOW'S IT GOING GOOD. READY TO GO TO LUNCH YEAH. UH, LATRELL, THIS IS GAVIN. GAVIN, THIS IS LATRELL. THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND. HOW YOU DOING I'MI'M I'M DOING VERY WELL. HOWHOW ARE YOU DOING, GAVINGAVIN.
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Key Peele Auction Block
ALL RIGHT, Y'ALL GATHER ROUND. GATHER ROUND. WELCOME, GENTLEMEN. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL AND BLESSED DAY FOR AN AUCTION. ALL RIGHT, Y'ALL, GET ON UP THERE. PUT THAT WHIP DOWN AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS, THOUGH. STRAIGHT UP. I DON'T CARE WHAT PLANTATION I END UP ON. I'M STRAIGHT STAGING A REVOLT IN THIS MOTHERbleep. HELLS YEAH. WE HAVE LOT A, LOT B, AND LOT C. UH, $3 ON LOT A. $4. 5! $5 GOING ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES, SOLD. LOT A GOES TO THE MAN IN THE BLACK HAT.
I MEAN, GOOD. YEAH. chuckles I'M GLAD I DIDN'T GET SOLD, 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE OWNED BY ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. WHOEVER BUYS ME, THEY BETTER KILL ME THE FIRST DAY, OR I'MA GO BUCKWILD ON THE WHOLE OPERATION. OKAAY NEXT ONE, GET UP ON UP THERE, NOW. OH, THISOKAY. both inhale $6 ON LOT A. $7! EIGHT. 9! $9 GOING ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES, SOLD! both exhale OKAY, WELL, YOU HAVE TO BUY THAT DUDE. IT'S A NOBRAINER. I MEAN, THAT GUY'S HUGE.
A MASSIVE INDIVIDUAL. THAT'S TWO OF ME. ANYBODY WOULD BUY HIM. I'D BUY THAT DUDE. MY QUESTION IS HOW'D THEY CATCH HIM NEXT! OKAY. OH, YEAH. YEAH. $2 ON LOT A. $2 GOING ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES, SOLD. SEE, NOW, THAT SURPRISES ME. THAT IS INTERESTING, TO SAY THE LEAST. I MEAN, WELL, IT JUST SEEMS LIKE AT A CERTAIN POINT, IT'S LIKE, DO THEY EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY'RE LOOKING FOR IT'S LIKE THE WHOLE CRITERIA SEEMS JUST A LITTLE INCONSISTENT.
I MEAN, AT SOME POINT, I WANT TO BE ON LOT A. YEAH, WHICH CAN A BROTHA GET ON LOT A NEXT. OH, HERE WE GO. HERE WE GO. BEEN A PLEASURE. GIVE 'EM HELL. ALL RIGHT. OKAY. $8 ON LOT A. GOING ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES, SOLD! HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN NOPE, NOT TRUE. HOW DOES IT HAPPEN WHAT YOU JUST SAID THAT'S GOBBLEDYGOOK. OKAY THAT CAN'T BE TRUE. 'CAUSE WHAT CAN THIS DUDE DO.
LOOK AT HIM. WHAT COULD HE PICK A COTTON PLANT IS, LIKE, THIS TALL. YES. I'M SAY NO OFFENSE, BROTHA, I'M JUST SAYING. OFFENSE TAKEN. WHAgasps AM I WRONG IS HE NOT SHORT HE'S SHORT. BUT YOU ARE ACTUALLY SHORT IN REAL LIFE, IN THE WORLD. YOU'RE GOOD, MAN. ENOUGH. I WILL NOT HAVE MY REPUTATION TAINTED, SELLIN' SUPERFICIAL, BIGOTED SLAVES. SUPERFICIAL DID THAT REALLY JUST COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH THAT'S IT! THIS AUCTION'S OVER! AUCTION'S OVER WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
NO, IT'SIT AIN'T OVER. IT'S NOT OVER! I'M STRONG, Y'ALL! I'M VERY STR I CAN SLEEP IN A BUCKET. I'M FAST, I GOT STAMINA, AND I KNOW MAGIC. MY WORST QUALITY IS THAT I'M A PERFECTIONIST. LET ME MEN HAVE I MENTIONED THIS DOCILE. I AM AGREEABLE TO A FAULT. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE DUDE WHO ASKED ME TO GET ON THE BOAT WHEN WE CAME OVER HERE. NOT A VIOLENT BONE IN MY BODY. I JUST WALKED RIGHT ON, NO BIG DEAL. NEVER SEEN A BOAT IN MY LIFE.
AutoTune the News 2 pirates. drugs. gay marriage.
Perhaps the Constitution envisions certain onesize fits all solutions. Booorrrring! I hear a foghorn! Boorrrrinnng! legislature override a gubernatorial veto. Guboringital! II'm not feeling any. romance between us right now. You gotta do it like this Shawtayee! Ready, set, go! This was a pretty remarkable week on the gay marriage front. First of all, to have a state like Iowa Whatchoo tryna say about Iowa Not the east coast state. East coast! Not the left coast state. Left coast! In a decision written by a republican appointee.
Shawty, now you soundin so fine! Give me your number, we can bump and grind. Talkin about politics all night. Leavin the club in the mornin light. If we get carried away mornin light. we might get gaymarried today. We just heard from some of our viewers who strongly support legalizing marijuana. Shawtayee, 5 of those calls was from me. Do you think we should legalize pot alone or all drugs, including heroin, cocaine, and meth My brain says no, but my body says yes! I'm an angry gorilla. I heard you needed me.
Ooh oh ah ah Now that Captain Richard Phillips has been successfully rescued, the president has decided to step in front of the spotlight. Ooh, I'm angry! You can't see it, but my forehead's veiny. And even take some credit for authorizing the mission. Well, don't you worry, baby boo. You'll always have an angry gorilla to be angry with you. That's what I do. Just ask Donkey Kong. He's in my crew. At the North Pole, new satellite photos show arctic ice is melting so fast. Oh snap, how fast.
Many scientists now predict it will be gone within 30 years. Surely you jest! I'm under cardiac arrest, shawtayee! Some researchers think it could disappear in just six. Shit! Without it there could be a snowball effect. Ohhhh With temperatures rising even faster, if we all don't take bold action and take it soon, Yeah We will find ourselves on very thin ice. Very thin ice Very thin ice. Very thin ice. Tell em, Hillary, pirates on very thin ice. These pirates are criminals. They are armed gangs on the sea.
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