2 Broke Girls Perfect Marriage

Look at this, Max. Cupcakes and candy. This could have been me and Andy's cake. Our perfect cake for our perfect marriage. No marriage is perfect. except IceT and Coco. Now, he's not perfect. You broke up with him for a reason. Andy's out there now. Come here. ltigtromantic music playingltigt Music at a wedding How original. Oh, there he is. He looks so handsome in a tuxedo. Calm down. So does Jane Lynch. He's not perfect. Look, there. He's going in for a nose pick. No, just a scratch. He has such nice hands. Big hands.

Key Peele Office Homophobe

Rhythmic bass beat, sensual moans LATRELL WHAT'S UP, BABY GIRL CAN YOU PLEASE TURN THAT OFF WHY, YOU DON'T LIKE MY MUSIC IS IT MUSIC BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE A BUNCH OF SEX NOISES OVER A BASS LINE. OH. I GET IT. YOU DON'T LIKE MY MUSIC 'CAUSE I'M GAY. YOU CAN'T HANDLE A GAY MAN'S MUSIC. NO, NO, NO. IT'SI'M TRYING TO WORK HERE, AND THAT MUSIC IS WEIRDLY SEXUAL. OH, I SEE. SO MY SEXUALITY IS WEIRD. YOU JUST CAN'T FATHOM A MAN BEING ATTRACTED.

TO ANOTHER MAN. I CAN FATHOM IT. IT'S CAN YOU JUST PLEASE LISTEN TO SOME OTHER GAY MUSIC, LIKE BARBRA STREISAND OR SOMETHING OH, I SEE, I SEE. OKAY. SO LISTENING TO BARBRA STREISAND IS GAY. STEREOTYPE MUCH keys clacking SO YOU SEEING ANYBODY LATELY YEAH, II MEAN, KIND OF. I THINK 'CAUSE I GOT IT GOOD LAST NIGHT. OH, IT WAS LIKE, DAMN! I MEAN, MY MAN WAS LIKE, BLOP! LIKE, HE HAD A BABY ARM HOLDING ON TO A APPLE. AW, DON'T CALL IT A BABY ARM.

AW. I SEE. SO YOU CAN'T HANDLE HEARING ABOUT HOW I'M GAY. I'M SORRY. YOU JUST REFERRED TO YOUR BOYFRIEND'S PENIS AS A BABY'S ARM HOLDING AN APPLE. WELL, THAT'S WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE. AND IT'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND, BY THE WAY. AND ANYWHATS, YOU'RE HOMOPHOBIC. NO, NO, NO. THAT'S NOT HOMOPHOBIC, OKAY YOU'RE EXPLICITLY TALKING ABOUT SEXUAL THINGS IN THE WORKPLACE. FINE. THERE'S PLENTY OF STUFF THAT WE CAN TALK ABOUT. YOU KNOW, UH, MY PENIS CUP, MY SCROTUM COZIES THAT I HAVE BEEN KNITTING RECENTLY.

OH, WITH THESE KNITTING NEEDLES THAT I HAVE JUST NOTICED LOOK LIKE LITTLE, SKINNY, PURPLE PENISES, ET CETERA AND ET CETERA. OH, MY GOD. CAN I SHOW YOU A PICTURE, AND THEN YOU TELL ME IF IT'S GOOD FOR FACEBOOK OKAY, I'M FAIRLY CERTAIN YOU'RE GOING TO SHOW ME SOMETHING OVERTLY SEXUAL. DON'T YOU PREJUDGE ME! HERE IT IS. AGH! bleep! THAT'S A CLOSEUP OF AN ANUS. OH, NO, THAT'S NOTltigt ANltigt ANUS. THAT'S MY ANUS, BABY GIRL. THAT'S DISGUSTING. OH, I SEE.

SO YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE A CLOSEUP PICTURE OF MY ANUS 'CAUSE YOU HATE GUY MEN. NO. I DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT A CLOSEUP PICTURE OF ANYONE'S ANUS. HOMOPHOBE. HOMOPHOBE. THERE'S A HOMOPHOBE RIGHT HERE. HO blows whistle HOMOPHOBE ALERT! highpitched voice HOMOPHOBE! imitating siren wailing HEY. HEY, BABY. HOW'S IT GOING GOOD. READY TO GO TO LUNCH YEAH. UH, LATRELL, THIS IS GAVIN. GAVIN, THIS IS LATRELL. THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND. HOW YOU DOING I'MI'M I'M DOING VERY WELL. HOWHOW ARE YOU DOING, GAVINGAVIN.

Kenya Moore Learns Her Millionaire Boyfriend Is Married BOSSIP REPORT

Unlucky in love Or just full of Shit Hi guys! Its Janee with bossip and i wanna talk to you about Kenya Moore Now you may recall a few weeks ago Kenny Moore revealed she was in love with a young man she met on Millionaire Matchmaker. Well the news just broke James Freeman demand that Kenya's said was her Prince Charming actually made another woman his queen. Just a week after the episode aired! Yes that's right Freeman had his wedding just a week after the episode aired and now Kenya is the laughing stock of the internet yet again.

You may recall on her first season of the Housewives of Atlanta Kenya got put on blast by Walter who says that she paid him to pretend to be her boyfriend now of course people are already saying yet again that Kenya's just been fakin the funk for the rest of the world but she is professing that she had absolutely no idea. She took to her Instagram to say that she was devastated and astounded to discover via social media that the man she fell in love with on Millionaire Matchmaker had married.

Key Peele Auction Block

ALL RIGHT, Y'ALL GATHER ROUND. GATHER ROUND. WELCOME, GENTLEMEN. WHAT A BEAUTIFUL AND BLESSED DAY FOR AN AUCTION. ALL RIGHT, Y'ALL, GET ON UP THERE. PUT THAT WHIP DOWN AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS, THOUGH. STRAIGHT UP. I DON'T CARE WHAT PLANTATION I END UP ON. I'M STRAIGHT STAGING A REVOLT IN THIS MOTHERbleep. HELLS YEAH. WE HAVE LOT A, LOT B, AND LOT C. UH, $3 ON LOT A. $4. 5! $5 GOING ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES, SOLD. LOT A GOES TO THE MAN IN THE BLACK HAT.

I MEAN, GOOD. YEAH. chuckles I'M GLAD I DIDN'T GET SOLD, 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE OWNED BY ANOTHER HUMAN BEING. WHOEVER BUYS ME, THEY BETTER KILL ME THE FIRST DAY, OR I'MA GO BUCKWILD ON THE WHOLE OPERATION. OKAAY NEXT ONE, GET UP ON UP THERE, NOW. OH, THISOKAY. both inhale $6 ON LOT A. $7! EIGHT. 9! $9 GOING ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES, SOLD! both exhale OKAY, WELL, YOU HAVE TO BUY THAT DUDE. IT'S A NOBRAINER. I MEAN, THAT GUY'S HUGE.

A MASSIVE INDIVIDUAL. THAT'S TWO OF ME. ANYBODY WOULD BUY HIM. I'D BUY THAT DUDE. MY QUESTION IS HOW'D THEY CATCH HIM NEXT! OKAY. OH, YEAH. YEAH. $2 ON LOT A. $2 GOING ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES, SOLD. SEE, NOW, THAT SURPRISES ME. THAT IS INTERESTING, TO SAY THE LEAST. I MEAN, WELL, IT JUST SEEMS LIKE AT A CERTAIN POINT, IT'S LIKE, DO THEY EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY'RE LOOKING FOR IT'S LIKE THE WHOLE CRITERIA SEEMS JUST A LITTLE INCONSISTENT.

I MEAN, AT SOME POINT, I WANT TO BE ON LOT A. YEAH, WHICH CAN A BROTHA GET ON LOT A NEXT. OH, HERE WE GO. HERE WE GO. BEEN A PLEASURE. GIVE 'EM HELL. ALL RIGHT. OKAY. $8 ON LOT A. GOING ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES, SOLD! HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN NOPE, NOT TRUE. HOW DOES IT HAPPEN WHAT YOU JUST SAID THAT'S GOBBLEDYGOOK. OKAY THAT CAN'T BE TRUE. 'CAUSE WHAT CAN THIS DUDE DO.

LOOK AT HIM. WHAT COULD HE PICK A COTTON PLANT IS, LIKE, THIS TALL. YES. I'M SAY NO OFFENSE, BROTHA, I'M JUST SAYING. OFFENSE TAKEN. WHAgasps AM I WRONG IS HE NOT SHORT HE'S SHORT. BUT YOU ARE ACTUALLY SHORT IN REAL LIFE, IN THE WORLD. YOU'RE GOOD, MAN. ENOUGH. I WILL NOT HAVE MY REPUTATION TAINTED, SELLIN' SUPERFICIAL, BIGOTED SLAVES. SUPERFICIAL DID THAT REALLY JUST COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH THAT'S IT! THIS AUCTION'S OVER! AUCTION'S OVER WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

NO, IT'SIT AIN'T OVER. IT'S NOT OVER! I'M STRONG, Y'ALL! I'M VERY STR I CAN SLEEP IN A BUCKET. I'M FAST, I GOT STAMINA, AND I KNOW MAGIC. MY WORST QUALITY IS THAT I'M A PERFECTIONIST. LET ME MEN HAVE I MENTIONED THIS DOCILE. I AM AGREEABLE TO A FAULT. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE DUDE WHO ASKED ME TO GET ON THE BOAT WHEN WE CAME OVER HERE. NOT A VIOLENT BONE IN MY BODY. I JUST WALKED RIGHT ON, NO BIG DEAL. NEVER SEEN A BOAT IN MY LIFE.

Key Peele Gay Marriage Legalized

THE MOOD IS INFECTIOUS AND EXCITING TODAY AS PEOPLE FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE CELEBRATE BECOMING THE SEVENTH STATE TO LEGALIZE GAY MARRIAGE. WE'RE HERE TALKING TO EXCITED COUPLES ABOUT HOW THEY FEEL ON THIS HISTORIC DAY. OH, HI. HI, HI. UH, YEAH, IT'S A VERY HISTORIC DAY FOR CIVIL RIGHTS. WHOO! AND FOR GAY AMERICANS. AND AMERICANS ALL OVER THE COUNTRY WHOO! WE'RE GONNA GET MARRIED! YEAH! WELL, YOU KNOW, WAIT screams WE SAID THAT IT WOULD BE A CONVERSATION, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN BECAUSE WE DIDN'T KNOW.

THIS WAS GONNA PASS SO DARN FAST. OH, MY GOD! SO ARE YOU GUYS A COUPLE laughs ARE WE A COUPLE COME ON, GIRL, LET'S GET SERIOUS. NO, IT'S JUST SO FAST. MY NAME IS LASHAWN. AND THIS IS RIGHT HERE IS MY SAMWICH. IT'S, UH, SAMUEL, YEAH. laughs AND WE'RE GONNA GET MARRIED! YEAH! THAT'S SO GREAT. HOW LONG HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN TOGETHER WELL, WE'VE BEEN THREE YEARS. IT'S BEEN FOREVER, WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOREVER! IT'S REALLY IMPORTANT TO KNOW THE PERSON.

WHO IS THE BRIDE I AM THE BRIDE. DODODODODODODO! laughs OH, WELL TELL US ALL ABOUT YOUR PLANS. YOU KNOW, WE NEVER THOUGHT IT WAS IMPORTANT TO HAVE A PIECE OF PAPER SO THERE'S NOT ANY PLANS OH, YEAH! PIECE OF PAPER! WE'RE GONNA GET THAT PIECE OF PAPER, SAMMY! YEAH, YEAH. THAT PIECE OF PAPER! WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU GUYS WILL GET MARRIED WELL YOU KNOW THERE'S A LOT OF HIDDEN COSTS IN A WEDDING OH, EVERYWHERE! WE'RE GONNA GET MARRIED OVER HERE.

AND OVER THERE AND IN THE SKY AND ON A CLOUD. OH, WOW, IT SOUNDS LIKE IT'S GONNA BE A BIG WEDDING. WELL, YOU KNOW IT'S JUST A CONVERSATION THAT WE HAVE GIRL, WE'RE GONNA RENT THE MOON AND FILL IT WITH ROSES! screams WE REALLY NEED TO TALK ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT WE THINK IT'S FAIR TO EVEN GET MARRIED WHEN IT'S STILL ILLEGAL IN SO MANY OTHER STATES OH, MY GOD! YOU SEE LOOK AT HIM! THAT'S MY MAN WITH HIS BIG HEART. I'M SORRY, MY HUSBAND. YOU MY HUSBAND NOW.

WELL, WE JUST YOU MY HUSBAND NOW, BITCH. OKAY, WE JUST DON'T WANNA RUSH INTO ANYTHING, BECAUSE STUFF GETS OVERTURNED. REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED IN CALIFORNIA. BABY I'M GONNA GET A 14KARAT RING THE SIZE OF 14 MOTHERbleep CARROTS. THAT'S WHAT'S UP, DOC! smacking lips WELL, YOU TWO CERTAINLY SEEM EXCITED. YEAH, DO WE SEEM EXCITED OH, YEAH, YEAH. OH, OKAY. CONGRATULATIONS. I HOPE YOU GUYS HAVE A WONDERFUL LIFE TOGETHER. WE JUSTWE REALLY JUST DIDN'T THINK IT WAS GONNA PASS. WE'RE GONNA HAVE A HOUSE THAT'S SHAPED LIKE A UNICORN.

Miranda Lambert Somethin Bad ft. Carrie Underwood

STAND ON THE BAR, STOMP YOUR FEET, START CLAPPING GOT A REAL GOOD FEELING SOMETHING BAD ABOUT TO HAPPEN OHOHOHOHOHOH PULLED UP TO THE CHURCH BUT I GOT SO NERVOUS HAD TO BACK IT ON UP, COULDN'T MAKE IT TO THE SERVICE GRABBED ALL THE CASH UNDERNEATH MY MATTRESS GOT A REAL GOOD FEELIN' SOMETHING BAD ABOUT TO HAPPEN RAN INTO A GIRL IN A PRETTY WHITE DRESS ROLLED DOWN A WINDOW, WHERE YOU HEADING TO NEXT.

SAID I'M HEADING TO THE BAR WITH MY MONEY OUT THE MATTRESS GOT A REAL GOOD FEELING SOMETHING BAD ABOUT TO HAPPEN. STAND ON THE BAR, STOMP YOUR FEET, START CLAPPING GOT A REAL GOOD FEELING SOMETHING BAD ABOUT TO HAPPEN DRINKS KEEP COMING, THROW MY HEAD BACK LAUGHING WAKE UP IN THE MORNING' DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED WHOA. SOMETHING BAD WHOA. SOMETHING BAD NOW ME AND THAT GIRL THAT I MET ON THE STREET.

WE'RE ROLLIN' DOWN THE ROAD, DOWN TO NEW ORLEANS GOT A FULL TANK OF GAS AND THE MONEY OUT THE MATTRESS GOT A REAL GOOD FEELIN' SOMETHING BAD ABOUT TO HAPPEN BOUT TO TEAR IT UP DOWN IN NEW ORLEANS JUST LIKE A REALLIFE THELMA LOUISE IF THE COPS CATCH UP, THEY'RE GONNA CALL IT KIDNAPPING GOT A REAL GOOD FEELIN' SOMETHING BAD ABOUT TO HAPPEN STAND ON THE BAR, STOMP YOUR FEET, START CLAPPING.

GOT A REAL GOOD FEELING SOMETHING BAD ABOUT TO HAPPEN DRINKS KEEP COMING, THROW MY HEAD BACK LAUGHING WAKE UP IN THE MORNING' DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED WHOA. SOMETHING BAD WHOA. SOMETHING BAD STAND ON THE BAR, STOMP YOUR FEET, START CLAPPING GOT A REAL GOOD FEELING SOMETHING BAD ABOUT TO HAPPEN NOW THE DRINKS KEEP COMING, THROW MY HEAD BACK LAUGHING WAKE UP IN THE MORNING' DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

Dating Problems Every Lesbian Will Recognize

So I guess this is good. bye. Hey, you still have my Buffy season two DVDs! You bitch. Aw, Britt, don't look so sad. It's been like a month since she's broke up with you. Come on, you gotta get back out there. I went on, like, three dates last week, and they were all failures. What happened Were they horse lesbians No, this was actually a blind date that I had high hopes for. You know, got my puss waxed for it. But I get there, and she's practically my twin.

Like, I'm narcissistic, but I'm not gonna have sex with myself. It could be fun though. You guys could like, trade lives like in The Parent Trap. That was a good movie. Yeah, but what about your second date What was wrong with her Was she a CrossFit lesbian Like show up with a tractor tire and a kettle bell No, second one was actually going really well until her exgirlfriend showed up out of nowhere and declared her undying love for her and that she built her house.

With her bare fucking hands. Longhaired Woman Aww, that's so romantic. UHaul! Typical. What about the third date Lucky number three No, that was the worst of all. Shorthaired Woman But it looks like it's going so well. Britt No, look closer. We have the same name. Hi, my name is Brittany, and this is my girlfriend, Brittany That's disgusting. What would that wedding invite look like I mean, have you tried online dating Yeah. I've swiped 'til the end of Tinder. Do you know what that feels like.

Both No! We met in person. Longhaired Woman Like, years ago. Yeah, before Tinder. I'm sure there are plenty of single lesbians left for you in this town. Shorthaired Woman Yeah, we have a lot of single lesbian friends. Like Jacqueline! Ok, I met her and a feminist friend. She's very empowered. She talks about vulvas and how they mean something more than what we think they mean. No, she hooked with my ex like two years ago at Dina. Hold on to your taco shell.

Because here comes Cynthia! Oh, she's great. Yeah, I know she's great. I dated her. We have a bunch of straight girls who I feel like if you got them a glass of wine things would get a little crazy, right Like Marsha No, I'm done with the whole straight girl thing. I can't do that anymore. They think my clit is a pencil eraser. No, I know that my sister would sleep with you. She said I was pretty for a lesbian once. I just wanna find a nice, available, single.

ORIGINAL VIDEO Bitchy Resting Face

Hi. Do you know someone with a bitchy face They look like they're kinda thoughtfully sad or angry for no reason. Oh, look. That woman has a bitchy face. I wonder why I can't see a reason why. That's Bitchy Resting Face.. That's Bitchy Resting Face. That's Bitchy Resting Face.. But here's a surprise Those women might be suffering without you even knowing it. They may not even be bitches at all. They might just have faces that, to you, look bitchy. So bitchy. And they are suffering silently.

And we should know. I've got Bitchy Resting Face.. I've got Bitchy Resting Face. I. You know, I'm not a bad boyfriend. Just tell me what I'm doing and I'll stop doing it. This is the first relationship where I'm really trying. Do you get that OK, your receipt is in the bag, and eight dollars is your change. Thanks. Um, okay! Emily, will you marry me Yes! Oh, wait, no! Oh, no, no, no, no! But you don't have to run from this problem. You can think, Hey. That woman might not be a bitch at all..

That just might be her bitch face, and that's okay. Because for every woman suffering from Bitchy Resting Face, There's this Hi. I'm not an asshole. I just have an asshole face. As many men suffer from Resting Asshole Face, if not more than, women who suffer from Bitchy Resting Face. I'm not an asshole. I genuinely want to buy you a drink. I don't want to fight you. I couldn't be happier to earn a living in customer service. Please excuse my asshole face. So if you see someone with a bad look on their face, you don't have to bother them.

Dating 20s Vs. 30s

Man Hey! Woman Hey! Man How's it going Woman Good. Man Um, are you coming out with everyone tonight Yeah. I mean, everyone's going right, so Yeah. I mean, I'm going. Great! Good, then we'll be there with. Both Everyone! Woman Steve. Steve Boss. Are you free on Saturday Yes. Woman You want to go out Steve Yes. Great, pick me up at eight. He asked me if I was going to go out tonight with everyone.

So that's like, a date, right That's a date! I knew it! Oh, hey, I heard you're going out with Steve! That's none of your business. I think I'm going to get a nice scotch. That sounds good. What are you, like 100 What are you going to have Mmm, PBR. What are we, 18 Can I get a scotch Oh my God, hey, I just got invited to Club Hydrogen. You want to go Yeah, I mean, it's only 1 am.

Man Let's do this! Woman All right! Did you pay the tab Man No. Doesn't matter. All new Friends is on Netflix. Both We have to go! This is fun! What I'm having fun! Uh, I'm having, I'm having fun! No, I'm, I'm having fun! Ross with the monkey. This is the best. I had a really good time tonight. Me too. Can I come in Um. So am I spending the night.

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