You and your spouse have been together forquite a while now. You’re happily married and in love, but there’s one problem: You’rebored and feeling complacent. You may not know how these feeling started or where theycame from, but it’s likely you’re feeling this way because you’re too content withyour marriage. Fear not, there is a way to overcome these feelings and reignite the sparkyou and spouse once shared. I’ll tell you how. As a relationship coach and marriage expert,I hear about this problem all the time usually it’s a case of couples relaxing after thehoneymoon ends. While there’s nothing wrong
with feeling comfortable around your spouse,feelings of complacency and boredom do arise if there isn’t enough excitement, discovery,challenge, or motivation in your marriage. That’s why it’s so important to keep thingsinteresting. My name is Brad Browning, I’m the author of the bestselling Mend the Marriageprogram, and today I’m going to share with you eight ways to battle feelings of boredomand marital complacency. Let’s jump right into it. Number 1: You Get What You Give If you want excitement in your relationship,you need to be exciting. The best way to do
this is by telling your spouse how you feel,and make a pact to address the problem together. If you’ve already tried this and nothinghas changed, then you may need to make some changes on your own. Start by breaking some of your habits. Forexample, if you’re used to coming home, throwing on your favorite sweat pants, andeating dinner in front of the TV, then make a conscious effort to stop doing it. Instead,look your best and have dinner together at the table. Removing the TV from your mealwill make space for conversation and the chance to spend some quality time together.
Try to treat every night like date night insome way. You don’t have to go all out, but understand that putting an effort intowooing your spouse can make things feel like they did when you were still courting oneanother. Number 2: Good Conversation How long has it been since you and your partnertalked? And I mean really talked. Sure you may still ask how their day was, or what theyhave planned for the weekend, but to avoid making your marriage feel like the same oldsong and dance, it’s important to keep the conversation original. One way to do thisis by acting as though you’re still getting
to know your partner, and talk like you didwhen you first got together. By doing this you will continue to learn new things aboutyour partner, and it’ll help keep the flame alive. Remember to be patient with your spouse, theymay not be as keen to converse as you are, but a pleasant tone and positive outlook willeventually get them chatting. Number 3: Romance To battle complacency and boredom in a marriage,it’s crucial to keep your romance and physical relationship in top notch Just because you’remarried doesn’t mean you should settle for
less intimacy or convince yourself that it’snormal for couples to become more distant over time. Stirring up romance can be as easy as surprisingyour spouse with a candlelight dinner or breakfast in bed. It’s about taking the time to expressyour love and appreciation, and at the same time have some fun together. It only takes a small gesture to show yourspouse that you still love them. Simply offering to rub their shoulders after a long day atwork, or holding their hand while you’re walking may seem like a small action, butit speaks volumes. If the romance has been
How To Keep the Romance Alive In Your Marriage John Gray PhD
So many people say, how do you keep the passionalive? Keeping the passion alive for women is code language for how do you keep the romancealive. And for men it’s often, how do you keep having sex with your partner. And itcan go the other way for both, but generally speaking that’s the war of the sexes. Womenwant romance. Then they feel sexual. When women are responsive sexually, then men canbe romantic. It’s a give and take. It’s like one starts from the head the woman. Shesays, see me, kiss me, hear me, touch me, and then my body responds. And to a man, youtouch him anywhere, and it all goes south right away. Sex is so critical to a man’swell being. And love and romance and affection
are so critical to a woman’s well being, particularlyin today’s world where we’re so stressed. The hormones of oxytocin are what allow awoman to respond. But she literally needs stimulation for that to happen. Men don’tneed much stimulation for testosterone to release into sex. So men are walking aroundwanting it and women are like, I’m looking for the romance first. Then they can havethe sex. So often men make a big deal out of this. Why doesn’t she want to have sexwith me? I mean, it’s a simple thing. Why can’t she want it? And men end up feelingrejected, only because they don’t understand women. It’s not that she’s saying she doesn’twant sex. She’s saying, I’d love to have sex.
But I need certain stimulation before I canget there. And that’s called romance. So how do you keep the romance alive? Three basicskills. One is dates. The same things you did when you were dating are the things thatcreate romance. It’s just that men stop doing that. Once you’re no longer competing withother men, you wait until the last minute and say what do you want to do tonight? Whenyou were dating, you had to plan ahead. Otherwise somebody else might take her out. But it’sthat planning ahead that allows a woman to build those hormones of romance. So planningahead. A date every week. Also good communication. When women feel they can share themselves,their feelings, they feel heard, they feel
seen, this produces the hormones that allowher to feel sexually responsive. So good communication. Also for a man to really be there for her.If she needs help, she has to learn how to ask for it to motivate him to do it. So shefeels like, whenever I need help, he’s there. He’s the emergency man. He’s also a good listener.He understands where I’m coming from. And also sometimes he can be very romantic. Butshe has to be a coparticipant in that. She has to learn how to communicate in ways wherehe’ll listen. Here’s one skill. Honey, I just want to give you a download of my day. Itwill only take 10 minutes. You don’t have to say anything. Just look in my direction.And you’ll know what’s going on in my life.
I don’t want you to fix anything. Who doesthat? But if you do that, a guy goes, okay. I can do that. And he’ll just sit there andlisten. And the secret is, he’ll get closer inside of you than he’s ever been before.You know, after we got good at this kind of conversation, when my wife talks I get turnedon. It’s an amazing thing. And if I’m getting turned on at her talking, she does too. Sothese are some of the new skills we have to learn to keep romance going. If we think it’sgoing to happen automatically it won’t. That’s the biggest mistake we make. Because in thebeginning of the relationship, we didn’t have to do anything. The hormones stimulate thenewness of the romance. But after a few years,
you have to do things to stimulate those hormones,the right hormones for her, the right hormones for him. So for women, it’s learning how toask for what they want and get it and to motivate men. And for men to follow through and providethe extra support for her to be in the mood. Because for him it’s like automatic. Untilhe’s in 50s and he loses interest, and the nit’s generally the woman saying, where’sthe sex? Where’s the sex? And this is all about having the relationship skills to producethe hormones so that we want to have sex and we can enjoy sex.