Picture this: you’re fighting with your partner and the tension is rising between you, then all of a sudden you notice a spark of anger in their eyes and KABOOM!!! A massive fight erupts. Now you’ve been here before and you know how these kind of fights end. Usually in icy cold silences with one of you sleeping on the couch and leaving a crater of hurt that could take weeks to recover from. Hi, I’m Bruce Muzik.
I’m a relationship coach and i help couples to stop fighting, start connecting and turn their marriages and relationships around. In this tutorial we are going to learn four counter intuitive strategies to stop any fight from exploding into a volcanic like eruption and actually resolve the conflict in any place. anytime. A big promise?. I know, and I’ve road tested all four of these strategies in my relationship coaching practice so I know that they work. Here is strategy number 1:.
Imagine you are in a boxing ring. and your opponent is throwing punches at you left, right and center What do you do? Well, you block and you duck and you defend yourself and whenever you get an opportunity you throw a couple of punches back, and they block and defend themselves and you go backwards and forth creating punches. When you’re defending. you are inviting them to attack and throw punches. When you are attacking, you are inviting them to defend. And what most people don’t see is that defense and attack are two sides of.
The same coin and as long as you’re defending yourselves you’re inviting an attack and as long as you are attacking you’re inviting your opponent to defend themselves. The only way to stop a fight is to actually step out of the ring. completely. Try this instead: Instead of fighting be defenseless. You are actually inviting conflict in by defending yourself, so here is an easy way to be defenseless. Find something you can agree with your partner about. Find something in what they’ve said that you can.
Agree with. you might hypothetically say something like yes honey, you’re right. i did leave the car headlights on and the battery is flat. With no yelling at you about leaving the lights on in the car. This is going to completely catch them off guard and interrupt that pattern of attack, defend, attack, defend, attack, defend. It will also sooth your partner and calm them down knowing that you’re not defending. That you are actually agreeing with them. But Bruce! I hear you cry. What if I can’t find something to agree with? Well. then you’re going to.
Try strategy number two. strategy number two is to demonstrate that you are listening. you see, we human beings have an almost primal need to feel heard and understood; and half the time your partner is upset their just wanting you to listen to them, they just want you to hear them so they can feel that you understand them and you care about what they are saying. So try this strategy to make you partner feel heard and understood. When they are talking with you in an upset tone of voice, instead of defending yourself; repeat back to them what.
They actually said. so you might say something like, so what i am hearing you say honey is that I left the lights on and the car battery is flat and now you’re gonna be late for work, did I get it? Notice at the end I put the phrase DID I GET IT? I did this because I want to confirm that I’ve actually understood what my partner says, it shows them how much I really want to understand what they are saying, and it’s also a sign of respect and calms down that reptilian part of their brain that might be about to get triggered. When.
They hear you say did i get it? they know that they are going to have an opportunity to speak and you’re just going to listen, you are not going to be defending. It’s a great way to deescalate conflict. Try it! It works like magic. I’ll teach you an even more advance version of this tool in my Love At First Fight coaching program, which I will tell you more about at the end of this tutorial. Now, strategy number three is to take ownership of the situation and apologize for your part in it. But you did left the headlights on didn’t you? Yeah.
How to Deal With Jealousy In Your Marriage
Good day , brad browning here welcome to another of my marriage saving advice tutorials. This time around, Ill be talking about jealousy, and how to control jealousy in your relationship. This is a huge topic that definitely cant be covered fully in a single tutorial, so Im just going to scratch the surface and give you some key tips for dealing with jealousy. You probably wont be surprised to hear that jealousy is an issue for many, many married.
Couples. in fact, a recent study of canadian marriage counselors found that one third of all couples who attended counseling cited jealousy as a primary cause of their marriage problems. So, clearly, jealousy is a major problem for a lot of married couples. Lets talk about some ways you can keep jealousy issues in check and avoid it from damaging your marriage. Before we jump into that, though, I want to explain the difference between normal, healthy.
Jealousy the kind of benign jealousy thats present in almost every romantic relationship and unhealthy jealousy, which is often irrational and highly toxic to a marriage. Healthy jealousy stems from a sincere care and commitment to a relationship. This is the kind of completely natural jealousy that we all suffer from occasionally and its not something you should be worried about. Recognize that its perfectly normal to feel a jolt of jealousy when you see your partner laughing and enjoying a conversation.
With someone of the opposite sex we feel these kind of emotions because were invested in the relationship with our partners, and we are essentially guarding our territory. Its when people begin to act on these emotions, or when jealousy becomes irrational, that things move into the unhealthy sphere. Irrational jealousy is more serious and tends to be a chronic issue that can erode the fabric of a marriage. If your marriage is on a downhill slide as a result of jealousy problems, please visit my website, MarriageGuy , and.
Watch the free presentation on the homepage. in it, i reveal some littleknown facts about marriage and offer some tips on how to begin rebuilding a healthier, happier marriage one free of jealousy that will stand the test of time. Again, the URL to watch that free tutorial is MarriageGuy . OK, so, lets talk about irrational jealousy the kind of jealousy thats really bad news for any relationship. This kind of jealousy can have a lot of different causes, usually.
Related to insecurity of low selfesteem. im not going to go into the psychology behind it, but its important to note that most people who develop jealousy issues often have underlying insecurities resulting from past experiences. Whatever the cause may be, if YOU are the person who struggles with jealousy issues, then you have the ability to make changes to your behaviour that will put these problems to rest.
The first step is to acknowledge your jealousy issues and the damage theyre causing to your marriage. Since youre watching this tutorial right now, then I assume youve done this already, so congratulations on taking the big first step towards resolving them. The second step is to recognize that, in most cases, your feelings of jealousy are irrational. in other words, theyre unwarranted. Unless your spouse has actually admitted to infidelity, or youve caught them in the act, then your jealousy is irrational. Recognize that your.
Jealous feelings arent based on reality theyre stemming from underlying insecurities and not from actual behaviours of your spouse. Once youve accepted that youre feeling jealous for no good reason, then it can be a bit easier to control those feelings and stop yourself from acting on them. Every time you feel jealous about something for instance, when your spouse is texting someone of the opposite sex you havent met remind yourself that your jealousy is baseless and irrational.