Dont Stay in School
I wasn't taught how to get a job but I can remember dissecting a frog I wasn't taught how to pay tax but I know loads about Shakespeare's classics I was never taught how to vote they devoted that time to defining isotopes I wasn't taught how to look after my health but mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell Never spent a lesson on current events instead I studied The Old American West I was never taught what laws there are. I was never taught what laws there are!!! Let me repeat I was not taught the laws for the country I live in,.
But I know how Henry the VIII killed his women. Divorced beheaded died, divorced beheaded survived glad that's in my head instead of financial advice I was shown the wavelengths of different hues of light but I was never taught my human rights Apparently there's 30, do you know them I don't Why the hell can't we both recite them by rote! I know igneous, metamorphic and sedimentary rocks Yet I don't know squat about trading stocks Or how money works at all where does it come from How does the thing that motivates the world function.
Not taught how to budget and disburse my earnings I was too busy rehearsing cursive. Didn't learn how much it costs to raise a kid or what an affidavit is but I spent days on what the quadratic equation is negative b plus or minus the square root of b squared minus 4ac over 2a That's insane, that's absolutely insane. They made me learn that over basic first aid How to recognise the most deadly Mental disorders or diseases with preventable causes. How to buy a house with a mortgage if I could afford it.
Cause abstract maths was deemed more important than advice that would literally save thousands of lives but it's cool, cause now I could tell you if the number of unnecessary deaths caused by that choice was prime. Never taught present day practical medicines, but I was told what the ancient hippocratic method is I've got a headache, the pain is ceaseless what should I take umm. maybe try some leeches Could we discuss domestic abuse and get the facts or how to help my depressed friend with their mental state Ummm. no but learn mental maths.
Because you won't have a calculator with you every day! They say it's not the kids, the parents are the problem Then if you taught the kids to parent that's the problem solved then! All this advice about using a condom but none for when you actually have a kid when you want one I'm only fluent in this language, for serious The rest of the world speaks two, do you think I'm an idiot They chose the solar over the political system So like a typical citizen now I don't know what I'm voting on.
Brangelina wedding Brad Pitt flashes his wedding ring in England
There's even more confirmation that Hollywood dream team Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are officially hitched. Brad made a brief appearance at the Bovington Tank Museum in Southwest England where he was spotted wearing a gold band on his left hand ringfinger. He posed with castmates for his upcoming World War II film Fury. the thick gold band adorning his ringfinger. Pitt and Jolie, dubbed Brangelina in tabloid headlines, were married in France at the weekend in a small chapel in Chateau Miraval, according to a family statement. It's said the couple's six children all took part in the ceremony and Jolie was walked.
Stephen Admits to Margaret Cho Hes Probably Racist
I'M TRYING TO CHANGE THE WORLD AND USING COMEDY TO DO SO. gtgt Stephen THAT'S PRETTY AMBITIOUS. gtgt BUT JUST TO ADD PEACE TO THE CONVERSATION. LIKE WE HAVE A DOG RESCUE FOR EACH SHOW, SO I HAVE THE AUDIENCE COMPLETELY SILENT SO THE DOG'S EARS AREN'T HURT AND I DO A PARADE SO UG DAS ARE MY OPENING ACT WHICH IS A REALLY gtgt Stephen YOU HAVE LIKE RESCUE DOGS. gtgt I HAVE RESCUE DOGS. gtgt AND PEOPLE CAN BRING THEM HOME. gtgt NO, THEY CAN'T. THIS HE CAN APPLY TO A DO.
YOU DON'T WANT SOME DRUNK PERSON SAY I WILL TAKE THAT ONE, YOU KNOW gtgt Stephen HE LOOKS DELICIOUS. gtgt NO, WE HAVE LIKE A HOME VITS. WE HAVE DIFFERENT DOG RESCUES IN EACH I MEAN gtgt Stephen DO YOU THAT ALL OVER THE WORLD. gtgt I WANT TO TRY TO DO IT ALL OVER THE WORLD. I REALIZED THAT MY AMBITION WAS TO SAVE DOGS BECAUSE I SAVED A DOG'S LIFE RECENTLY. I WAS AT A FRIEND'S HOUSE AND THEIR DOG WENT RUNNING OUT INTO FOUR LANES OF BUSY TRAFFIC.
AND SO I WAS LIKE CHASING AFTER IT I WAS LIKE STOP! AND ALL THE CARS STOPPED. AND I GRABBED THE DOG. AND I REALIZED IT MUST HAVE LOOKED WEIRD, THIS KOREAN LADY RUNNING ACROSS FOUR LANES OF HEAVY TRAFFIC TO GET A LITTLE DOG. THEY MUST HAVE BEEN LIKE OH, SHE MUST BE HUNGRY. AND SO I'M KOREAN, I'M KOREAN gtgt Stephen SPEAKING OF WHICH. gtgt SORRY gtgt Stephen LET'S TALK ABOUT POLITICAL CORRECTNESS FIRST. gtgt YEAH gtgt Stephen THAT IS, A JOKE THAT I COULDN'T MAKE. gtgt NO gtgt Stephen I COULDN'T.
Gtgt AND I AM DELIGHTED BECAUSE IT'S LIKE I'M SO HAPPY TO MAKE THE RACIST JOKES CUZ I CAN I GREW UP IN THE ERA WHERE IT WAS ALL ASIAN DRIVER JOKES, SO I WOULD COME ON STAGE AND SAY MY NAME IS MARGARET CHO AND I DRIVE VERY WELL AND PEOPLE WOULD BE TAKEN ABACK BECAUSE REALIZED, OH, I DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS RACIST THIS WHOLE TIME. gtgt Stephen THE AUDIENCE DIDN'T REALIZE THAT THEY WERE RACIST. gtgt BUT NOW IT'S JUST MORE LIKE WE'RE HEARING DIFFERENT KINDS OF VOICES gtgt Stephen DO YOU THINK THAT.
IT MIGHT JUST BE BETTER IF EVERYBODY JUST STARTED WITH THE BASE LINE OF I'M GOING TO ASSUME I'M RACIST WHEN I'M TALKING ABOUT A RACE THAT ISN'T MINE BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT EXPERIENCE IS LIKE. AND I HAVE PREIS UP SITIONS ABOUT WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE SOMEONE OF ANOTHER RACE OR BEHAVIOR OF ANOTHER RACE, IF I THINK OF A PERSON AS PART OF A RACE AND NOT AS AN INDIVIDUAL. gtgt YEAH gtgt Stephen SO IF I JUST START OFF WITH HI HI, STEPHEN COLBERT, PROBABLY A RACIST, HOW.
ARE YOU gtgt IS THAT A GOOD WAY TO START A CONVERSATION. gtgt I THINK THAT'S GOOD. BUT YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT TOO MUCH. I THINK WHAT IS REALLY ANNOYING IS THAT NOBODY REALLY CARED ABOUT RACE UNTIL WHITE PEOPLE GOT INVOLVED. AND NOW ALL WE DO IS TALK ABOUT RACE. IT IS JUST WHITE PEOPLE, ALL THE WHITE FRAGILITY IS SO SHALL YOU HAVE TO WALK ON EGG SHELLS AROUND WHITE PEOPLE. IT WAS SO MUCH EASIER gtgt Stephen OH, WHITE PEOPLE WALK ON EGG SHELLS, THAT IS SO RACIST, WHY, BECAUSE WE ARE.
WHITE AND EGGS ARE WHITE. YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEM. gtgt MAYBE I'M THE RACIST. gtgt I'M JUST SAYING IT WAS SO MUCH EASIER BEFORE WHEN WE JUST HAD TO WALK ON THEIR BACK. gtgt Stephen THANK YOU. THANK YOU. I YOU KNOW WHAT, I ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY. WELL, I KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO DO A SONG FOR US TONIGHT. gtgt I AM, I'M EXCITED gtgt Stephen PLEASE, STICK AROUND. THE TOUR IS CALLED PSYCHO, OTHER WORDS BUT REALLY JUST REMEMBER PSYCHO. CATCH HER NEXT WEEK IN NEW YORK AND LOS ANGELES.
Man Sues Wife for Being Ugly, Wins
And then in china has one one hundred twenty thousand dollars after over a court settlement after he sent his wife for being too ugly so it turns out that act he got his wife pregnant after the white delivered the child he claimed that that she cheated on him because the child was too ugly and looked nothing like that the mother of the child in her on his wife which he is now divorced uh. now it turns out that i had spent a hundred thousand dollars on plastic.
Surgery to improve my works which is what you see there the before and after picture which by the way three plastic surgeon okay personal largely s plastic surgery return see how that might be some exceptions and and this is a hundred of most somewhat wellspent disability for two hundred enough to be able to get the merce she apparently desired uh. but several of our house was a bit of a dumbass visit as good as that plastic surgery is it's so pretty obvious but there was plastic surgery and like what you thought.
Where you would hear from your kid the post plastic surgery come on that so stupid now don't have the heart to you publicly announced that you think your child is hideous nonwestern worthwhile and as a people life because this well exist for the for eternity on the internet no no i mean whatever it is a school due to your soul only your data is to your mom can you imagine say where where would i get written and i know you have an ugly emer and here the most part.
I came alive and happy one how do you think com output that hand he come up with that number one hundred twenty thousand dollars he probably translates veteran transparency and thank you guys feel that his wife had the obligation to tell him hanging in the past i had plastic proceed so no not others make sense we can't believe you wanna partisan seven of us and dumbass refers link indulge a blessing surgery well that's a sad day for you started as soon as you can still ugly what kind of sick that argument.
And looked down and i i'm i'm finding them i say hey you know what you got to be a lot of this man your wife's hotter than she would have been otherwise you pay for all of it does not work for a pleasant surgery the amount is work tylenol do do not consider myself a pretty in the aftermath of drugs with my kid is in the being some kind of thing on the phone withdrawn behavior so that the faa also v effective if that my kid can talk more about.
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