How Darwin Can Save Your Marriage

We are designed by evolution to be titillated by erotic novelty, males and females. Given that evolutionary design, it's completely predictable that 10 years of the same thing, whether it's the same music or the same food or the same sex partner, is going to lead to resentment, discomfort, whatever. It'92s going to lead to a diminishment of passion, certainly. So we start with that and then we add to that the notion that we're taught that that shouldn't happen, that if it does happen there's something wrong with you or something wrong with your relationship.'a0.

And so people aren't expecting that to happen, and so they interpret that diminishment of passion as a failure. The point that we're trying to get across in the book is that it's not your fault. It's not your partner's fault. It's the fault of the clash between the sort of animal we are and the sort of society we've designed. And as long as there's that conflict between our biology and our societies, there are going to be these problems. So a harm reduction approach might make a lot more sense than this sort of absolutist approach that a lot of people take where any.

Infidelity, any, you know, my husband looks at porn, that means he doesn't love me anymore. I mean, these sorts of responses to very natural behaviors cause a lot more problems than they solve, I think. I think if marriage is going to survive as an institution, it's going to certainly have to continue adapting to the realities of human nature as opposed to trying to shoehorn human nature into some predetermined shape. The point of marriage is that you want to get old with someone. You want to share your life with someone. Maybe you want to raise children with someone. You want.

To have a certain stability and trust that you couldn't possibly get with shortterm relationships. That's the point of marriage. And by imposing this expectation of sexual exclusivity for 40, 50, 60 years, we're cutting ourselves off from those really important things for something that's essentially trivial. Sex really isn't really that important. It's not that big a deal. And by making it such a big deal, we sabotage things that really are important, these primary relationships.'a0 We have children going through divorces, victimized by the psychological trauma of divorce, over what.

Over what That mommy or daddy had sex with someone else Who cares The problem is, much like the war on drugs, the problem is that we take this absolutist approach to something that people are always going to do. People are always going to smoke marijuana. People are always going to drink alcohol and coffee and whatever. But we make these arbitrary judgments on what's acceptable and what isn'92t, that have nothing to do with the actual harm that anything of these things could cause to people. So we throw people in prison for, you know, growing a marijuana plant on their windowsill.

It makes no sense it causes much more harm than just letting people do what they want to do. And really, whose business is it if a couple decides that they're going to, you know, allow a little casual sexual behavior on the side, especially if, as Dan Savage argues, and I agree, it takes the pressure off the relationship. If the door's open a little bit, you don't feel trapped. It doesn't mean the door has to be swung wide open, but, you know, the fact that it's open a little bit doesn't mean that the.

The No1 Reason Married Women Cheat

The No1 Reason Married Women Cheat Women are starting to cheat as much as men Take a look at Infidelity Statistics 54 of women admit to committing infidelity 14 of married women strayed at least once during their married lives 68 of women say that they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught 3 of children are the product of infidelity So why do married women cheat Simple answer is unhappy relationship Changing cultural and financial status adding fuel to the fire So women with higher income and big job prone to such tendency.

What are the Signs of Financial Infidelity in a Marriage Orange County Divorce Mediation P3

Colleen, how do spouses even catch on to this double life The two most common ways that they end up finding out is when there's a death, because you know, finances are looked at that point, or obviously, when there's a divorce. If there was a hidden account that nobody knew about, how does that pop up Are there ways that other or hidden accounts all of a sudden pop up after a death certificate has been Well, a lot of times banks, especially bank accounts, have beneficiaries named. And so, you know, that could be a way that it could.

Become disclosed. So, what are the red flags that spouses should be looking for to prevent the problem from spiraling out of control and destroying their marriages. I would say keeping an eye out for missing documentation, and any type of money that's missing from the account, that seems weird and might be for an unusual expense that they're not aware of. And anything that's misdirected. If you see that they're getting mail from a different credit card company that you know you don't have a credit card with. It may not be junk mail. You may assume that's what.

It is but it could actually be a statement. So just keep an eye out and be alert. Another common situation, where maybe some of our listeners can even relate to it, is a situation where one of the parties let's just say for this case, it's the wife is giving funds to her parents on the side. And maybe they're struggling financially to make ends meet, and she doesn't want to tell her husband about it because she either thinks he won't be supportive or she's embarrassed to say that her parents are not doing well.

Enough. So she each month slowly gives a little bit of money, a little cash under the table, little things here and there, which end up accumulating over time. And all of a sudden, she finds that they're living paycheck to paycheck. And this particular case, she actually stopped paying the mortgage payments. The husband had no idea because she was in charge of all the finances. And the way he found out was that he came home from work one day and there was a bank notice on the front door saying that they were in jeopardy of foreclosure.

Wow! You know, the thing about the parents, I've actually heard about that quite a few times especially after the recent years where there was a lot of people that were struggling. And we've talked about it on the show a lot too. Kids, in this case, are really stuck sometimes in bad situations where they'd have to take care of their elderly parents, and their kids, and themselves. It could be a bad situation to be in especially if you're not talking to your spouse. And that's one thing that I would want everybody to hear.

Relationship Advice Dealing With Infidelity at the Office

Hi my name is Reka Morvay, I'm a psychologist and I'm going to talk to you today about infidelity at the office. Even more difficult then dealing with infidelity is dealing with infidelity at the office. Because here is a situation where you have to keep meeting the person that was the cause and the root of the infidelity. The key to being able to deal with the situation either as the partner of somebody who has been unfaithful with someone else at the office or as the person at the office is to draw clear boundaries of acceptable behavior. You.

Have to figure out what is the bare minimum contact that you can still have with the person at the office that you have to work with without endangering the relationship again. So sit down and think about what those rules are. Probably going out for lunch and hanging out by the office cooler will be out of the question. You have to be able to stick through these rules that you create in order to regain your trust with, within your current relationship. And to be able to have your partner trust you again or to be able to redefine your relationship.

Are any Animals Truly Monogamous

Monogamy the practice of mating with a single individual for an extended period of timeisn't that popular in the animal kingdom. Only about 3 of mammals are monogamous, and, although 95 of birds pair off at least for one breeding season, paternity tests have revealed that the avian world is chockfull of cheaters. The least loyal bird species might be the superb fairywren they form lifelong bonds and, if you watched a pair of them from morning 'til night for an entire breeding season, you'd think they were perfectly faithful. But that's only because female fairywrens.

Cheat under cover of darkness. Using radio transmitters to track their movements, researchers discovered that fertile females make daily, predawn flights to other territories. These trips only last about 15 minutes, but apparently that's more than long enough DNA tests show that just 25 of baby superb fairywrens are their father's biological children. So modern genetics might be deflating our romantic notions about lovebirds, but from a biological standpoint, social monogamy without sexual monogamythat is, pairing up with one individual and then copulating with others on the sidemakes a lot more sense than absolute.

Sexual loyalty. For birds, pairing up is a good strategy because their young require a ton of care, so males increase their chances of successful reproduction if they stick around and lend a beak. On the other hand, putting all of one's eggs in a single basket is a risky proposition, so it also makes sense for males to try and slip some of their genetic material into a few other nests if they can. Females, of course, can't have more than one nest, but for their part they can try to sneak in some variety.

Cheating might also help explain the otherwise unexpected physical differences between males and females in apparently monogamous species. We've long had a solid explanation for malefemale dimorphism in explicitly nonmonogamous species if a male plans to mate with many females, he needs to win their affection and fend off other suitors. Over thousands of generations, the traits that help him successfully mate can become more and more pronounced, even if they serve absolutely no other purpose. For example, male gorillaswho fight each other for exclusive mating rights with the females in their clan are much larger than female gorillas, while male and female gibbons,.

Which are monogamous, are the same size. Which brings us to our favorite primates, homo sapiens. There are undeniable physical differences between males and femalesbut it's unclear whether they're pronounced enough to suggest that our ancestors lived in harems like gorillas or whether our differences stem from a monogamous but adulterous society like the superb fairywren's. One thing is clear among all the species on Earth, monogamy is rare, and sexual monogamy is rarer. There is, however, at least one known example of perfect, lifelong fidelity, and its name is Diplozoon paradoxum. When two of these young flatworms find each other, they literally.

Divorce Advice Top Reasons for Divorce

The top reasons for not winning the lottery are because the odds are against you. The top reasons for divorce well that's another story. And this is Dr. Paul author of Boomer girls, a boomer woman's guide to men and dating and host of ask Dr. Paul. The top reasons for divorce, somehow I feel like one of the comedians who comes up with the top ten reasons. And we won't go there on a comic way because it's not funny.The number one is adultery. Number one is cheating. Ok. That's number one. We are not going to go through top ten.

But childcare is another one. They disagree on how to raise children but that's way down the list. Finances is another one. Ok. That's probably number two in that top ten if you will and we are not going to go through ten but number two is having a real financial difficulty with each other. One is a saver and one is a spendthrift and it doesn't work. Or you've gotten yourself so deeply into debt that you are arguing about it all the time. It's a bad, bad scenario. Number three oddly enough, number three comes under the category.

Of addiction. And it can be an addiction that maybe minor, one person sees it as minor, the other sees it as major. Be it alcohol, or drugs or gambling or smoking. The smokernonsmoker is a recipe for divorce beyond belief. Another issue one of the top issues in getting divorced is risk taking. Suddenly one person wants to go into business and is willing to take a big risk and mortgages the farm, the house whatever and the other one says, whoa stop right now I'm not a risk taker. Those things should have been probably exercised in terms.

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