Review John Gottman 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work Book Review
Hi, Kelly Sharp here. Today I am going to be reviewing the book Seven Principles for Making Your Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver. This is a book that I highly recommend for anybody looking to enhance their relationship. Some of you may be familiar with John Gottman's work. He is a professor of psychology at the University of Washington, and he is a cofounder and codirector of The Gottman Institute. John Gottman also runs the love lab in the Seattle, Washington area. At his love lab he has researched several.
Hundreds of couples over the years and his research findings have heavily impacted what you're going to get in this book. This book is very easy to read and at the end of each of the chapters there are a few exercises for you and your partner to participate in if you wish. Along with the seven principles, John Gottman has also identified other key factors to successful marriages. He really focuses on deep friendship as a major key to success. Along with deep friendships and his seven principles, he's also identified.
The four horsemen of the apocalypse kind of cool name right The four horsemen, as he describes them, are four ways of communicating with our partners that can be destructive if we don't keep them in check and let them run rampant. The four horsemen of the apocalypse are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. So we're going to watch out for those guys. His seven principles that he identifies are one, enhancing your love maps. Basically that means familiarizing yourself with the inner world of your partner, making sure you're familiar with how they feel, what their likes.
Are, their favorite things, things that they dislike, their perception, and their general worldview. Number two is to nurture admiration and fondness. Basically that means to really focus on the positive aspects of our partners instead of honing in on the bad, irritating habits that sometimes pop up. Number three is to turn toward our partners instead of away. That means choosing emotional connection instead of the distractions that can sometimes get in the way. Number four is to let our partners influence us. This allows our partners to feel valued and appreciated. Number five, solve your solvable problems. Instead, spend.
Your energy elsewhere where you really are going to need it, and really just tackle the solvable problems when you can. Number six, overcome gridlock. Gridlock means sort of being stuck in a holding pattern. You say yes, I say no, you say white, I say black. We can't seem to agree. John Gottman that overcoming gridlock doesn't necessarily mean coming to a resolution but improving communication around the gridlock so that maybe effective problem solving can happen at some point. And number seven is to create shared meaning, and this means to implement practices or hobbies that bring connection.
Marriage Divorce How to Make a Marriage Work
I'm Joe Cuenco, with Family Resources. Today, we're going to be talking about mechanics of a long term relationship, specifically, how to make a marriage work. This requires a joint effort and commitment, and of course the most important things are, do you have the right fundamentals Is there love Is there trust Is their friendship Is there communication And is there mutual respect Because if you don't have these things, that's really the tenets that have to be worked on. It's going to require communication, to really understand, what it takes to make each other happy. A dialog needs to take place, and kind.
Of evaluate where you are. Specifically, it requires developing a plan to know what it takes to make either the husband or the wife, happy. Realistically, you need to understand, are you doing the little things for each other And also in terms of the big things. It's always nice to have surprises, to be catered to, maybe getting coffee in the morning, maybe getting a martini at the door, when you come home from work. Also little surprises, the text messages, which make sure that you are thinking about one another, that there is.
Love there, that is being cultivated, and also cultivating the friendship. The other thing that's important, is do you have mutual fun Do you do things together, that build not only the friendship, but also the fun in the relationship, and continue to build the overall love in marriage Dr. John Gray gives some good advice here. He's written many books on the subject. There are many marriage education workshops, that are available. Many books to help couples understand, what it takes to build a successful relationship, but it requires communication first of all, and making sure that you understand, what.
Marriage Relationship Advice How to Make a Bipolar Marriage Work
Hi, I'm Patti German, and I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist here in New York City. In this clip, we're going to talk about how to make a bipolar marriage work. Bipolar are two extremes of moods and affect. It's either being very, very depressed or very manic, so bipolar situations need to be managed by medication. One needs to go to a psychopharmacologist at that point to prescribe the correct medication for it. And understand that it's it's bipolar is not something that someone can control. It needs to be controlled and and monitored.
Key Peele Office Homophobe
Rhythmic bass beat, sensual moans LATRELL WHAT'S UP, BABY GIRL CAN YOU PLEASE TURN THAT OFF WHY, YOU DON'T LIKE MY MUSIC IS IT MUSIC BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE A BUNCH OF SEX NOISES OVER A BASS LINE. OH. I GET IT. YOU DON'T LIKE MY MUSIC 'CAUSE I'M GAY. YOU CAN'T HANDLE A GAY MAN'S MUSIC. NO, NO, NO. IT'SI'M TRYING TO WORK HERE, AND THAT MUSIC IS WEIRDLY SEXUAL. OH, I SEE. SO MY SEXUALITY IS WEIRD. YOU JUST CAN'T FATHOM A MAN BEING ATTRACTED.
TO ANOTHER MAN. I CAN FATHOM IT. IT'S CAN YOU JUST PLEASE LISTEN TO SOME OTHER GAY MUSIC, LIKE BARBRA STREISAND OR SOMETHING OH, I SEE, I SEE. OKAY. SO LISTENING TO BARBRA STREISAND IS GAY. STEREOTYPE MUCH keys clacking SO YOU SEEING ANYBODY LATELY YEAH, II MEAN, KIND OF. I THINK 'CAUSE I GOT IT GOOD LAST NIGHT. OH, IT WAS LIKE, DAMN! I MEAN, MY MAN WAS LIKE, BLOP! LIKE, HE HAD A BABY ARM HOLDING ON TO A APPLE. AW, DON'T CALL IT A BABY ARM.
AW. I SEE. SO YOU CAN'T HANDLE HEARING ABOUT HOW I'M GAY. I'M SORRY. YOU JUST REFERRED TO YOUR BOYFRIEND'S PENIS AS A BABY'S ARM HOLDING AN APPLE. WELL, THAT'S WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE. AND IT'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND, BY THE WAY. AND ANYWHATS, YOU'RE HOMOPHOBIC. NO, NO, NO. THAT'S NOT HOMOPHOBIC, OKAY YOU'RE EXPLICITLY TALKING ABOUT SEXUAL THINGS IN THE WORKPLACE. FINE. THERE'S PLENTY OF STUFF THAT WE CAN TALK ABOUT. YOU KNOW, UH, MY PENIS CUP, MY SCROTUM COZIES THAT I HAVE BEEN KNITTING RECENTLY.
OH, WITH THESE KNITTING NEEDLES THAT I HAVE JUST NOTICED LOOK LIKE LITTLE, SKINNY, PURPLE PENISES, ET CETERA AND ET CETERA. OH, MY GOD. CAN I SHOW YOU A PICTURE, AND THEN YOU TELL ME IF IT'S GOOD FOR FACEBOOK OKAY, I'M FAIRLY CERTAIN YOU'RE GOING TO SHOW ME SOMETHING OVERTLY SEXUAL. DON'T YOU PREJUDGE ME! HERE IT IS. AGH! bleep! THAT'S A CLOSEUP OF AN ANUS. OH, NO, THAT'S NOTltigt ANltigt ANUS. THAT'S MY ANUS, BABY GIRL. THAT'S DISGUSTING. OH, I SEE.
SO YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE A CLOSEUP PICTURE OF MY ANUS 'CAUSE YOU HATE GUY MEN. NO. I DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT A CLOSEUP PICTURE OF ANYONE'S ANUS. HOMOPHOBE. HOMOPHOBE. THERE'S A HOMOPHOBE RIGHT HERE. HO blows whistle HOMOPHOBE ALERT! highpitched voice HOMOPHOBE! imitating siren wailing HEY. HEY, BABY. HOW'S IT GOING GOOD. READY TO GO TO LUNCH YEAH. UH, LATRELL, THIS IS GAVIN. GAVIN, THIS IS LATRELL. THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND. HOW YOU DOING I'MI'M I'M DOING VERY WELL. HOWHOW ARE YOU DOING, GAVINGAVIN.
Marriage Divorce How to Make a Romantic Relationship Work
I'm Joe Cuenco, with family resources, today we're going to be talking about how to add a little spice, to your relationship. Specifically, how to make a romantic relationship work. There are some special things that you can do for one another, that can really add some spice to the relationship. For example, women generally love chocolate, they love back rubs, they love, receiving text messages. They want to make sure, that they feel like they're the most important person in, not only the relationship, that, you really treasure who they are. Men on the other hand, maybe, may not be as sensitive, but we do like things.
Like, having a martini at the door, having some surprises. Maybe some very interesting and unique ways, to, to tease us. It may require, a trip to Victoria's Secret. Some couples have had some good success with, with toys. Others, have gone to the Internet and taken a look at some of the resources that are available. There are books on the twelve best dates. But, realistically, what it takes is a communication process, understanding that, you know, you want to add some spice. You want to treat each other unique and special. And that way,.
What Makes a Successful Marriage3 Little Known Secrets
What makes a successful marriage man's granite i have not air not marriage counselor bearishness every few months wanted to shoot this tutorial because one of its operations working place has to do with it so i wanted to give you the revisions that you can work on that that will help you make unprepared and the first idea is to make sure each of you have a clear and it's been interesting each other's membranes that simply gave is likely to other what you grabbed zyuganov's money gene upcoming gaining.
Experience in the clinton which golden works your relationship sunny strategy what makes a successful marriage and i think that you could work on to make it in haiti institute make sure you shouldn't have to get wouldn't stand in my case had accounting grounded pending under dynamic nat dynamics of the parents i'll usually suggest that oklahoma happy joint account for it everything has to do with powerful but that each of you has yet on spending money so that when you can't seeking to maintain mathematics red there's this just another options but make sure that.
Budget indirectly partner for the time despite amounts monies money his hair uh. formula noncombatants into the management what makes a successful marriage ended their that will help me notice to schedule some time please one for my twice and i think i could not contact failed coffee yet what are the specific top occupied talk about what you financial goals we did not occur anyway to get in there insult recently you're what you see typically judo wan one person just taking care of the bills and yet the president has no clue which one.
Behind The Pen How Marriage Works
This is Stan Kelly. Is that what you're looking for Behind the Pen So, my editor, says, so we want to make a tutorial of your cartoon that we're going to put on the computer. And I said, I don't see the value in that. And he said, Kelly, some young people who have never seen your cartoon might discover your cartoon. If I can just reach one young person. If I can set just one more youngster straight with my message. If I can. I don't do this for me.
I don't get any money. No, I don't get a red cent for spending my time doing this tutorial. But it's not for me. I'm doing it for you. I'm doing it for that youngster. Okay. Let's get on with this. This Week's Installment Holy MatriMoney The cartoon for this week is about a marriage. A young happy couple. Their cake. People drinking champagne. There's a little champagne glass there. And there's rice falling. Everybody's happy. It's a magical innocent moment of youth. Future is bright for this young couple.
But no, no look what happens. Shazam, you get to the next panel. Look at that, it's dark, sad. That's the secret to humor. You give people something they don't expect. See, you go back to this first panel. This guy, he doesn't know what's going to hit him. He doesn't know what's coming to him. Look out for that knife, buddy. You think you're cutting a cake. That knife is going to strike you right in the back. It's going to, it's going to cut out your heart. It's going after your wallet, is what it's going after.
That knife, okay. And that wife, she's holding that knife. See how she's holding that knife in that picture Yeah, she's going to take control of that knife. And she's going to be stabbing you right in the back. It's going to be a stick up, is what it's going to be. And that poor guy. My heart goes out to this guy. I believe yours does too. America's heart goes out to this guy. Because the everyman, see. That's the every man's experience in this country. This is what happens in America, see.
There's a poor innocent guy. He's living his life. He's just trying to be happy. He's sitting back. He's having a nice drink after work. But what does he get Does he get thanks Does he get gratitude No, he gets nothing but nagging. The nagging is going to get him. She's going to nag him about his alimony payments. About his childcare payments. She's going to say, quit drinking. And he's innocent, see. He's the underdog. He's fighting against impossible odds. Innocent exhusbands, that's what I wrote on him, because that's what he is, okay.
And here's the real sad thing. You think you can get away from all that nagging by getting divorced, but you can't. It stays with you. The last Word Now, those of you who don't know my work, at the end I always put a little comment for myself there. I like to have the last word in my cartoons, see. So, here, 'til death do you part. That's what I mean. You get the nagging until you die. Okay. This is how the artist works. See, he takes a sadness and he twists it, see.
How Movies Can Make a Marriage Better
Man Then why did you marry me Woman I m beginning to wonder Ronald Rogge The early years of marriage are a risky time for couples. We know that about half of couples in the United States divorce, but a lot of those divorces occur in the first four or five years. And so we wanted to try and find ways to help strengthen those marriages, and hopefully prevent some of those divorces. Man Here's to a good marriage. Rogge So in this study, we had two groups of couples that we gave actual workshops, we brought them in,.
We taught them skills on how to communicate. And compared to a group that didn't get any treatment, we found that after three years they had far lower divorce. Woman Just trying to discover where the strings are attached Rogge But we wanted to see, if we did a very minimal intervention, having these couples watch movies and talk about it, would lead to benefits Man What kind of people would just sit like that without a word to say to each other Woman Married people. Rogge The amazing thing is that with just watching five movies together,.
And talking for a halfhour, 45 minutes at the end, we got benefits over three years, we cut the divorce rate in half. Man Do you ever think of marrying just for fun Woman Marriage, fun Fiddledeedee Rogge We wanted to give the couples in the movie condition some choice about what movies they were going to watch together, Woman If I push too hard it s because I want things to be better Rogge There are lots of romantic comedies out there about a man and a woman falling in love, but it doesn't really show them having fights.
As a couple, or giving support to each other after a long stressful day, because they don't end up together until the last frame of the movie. So it needed to be a movie that showed a longterm relationship so it would make sense to talk about, well how did the couple on screen provide support, and how are we doing that How did the couple on screen fight, and how are we doing that Man Well that s not the point. Woman It certainly is Man Not Little girl Bicker, bicker, bicker. Rogge People watch movies all the time,.
And yet they still get divorced. We actually don't think that it's the movies that's the magic here, I mean don't get me wrong, movies are pretty magic, but to strengthen your relationship, we actually think that it's the time that the couples took to spend together and focus on their relationship that mattered. Man You make me want to be a better man Rogge And taking a moment out of their busy life to think about, how am I acting to my partner, this person that I love the most in the world, and is that the way I really want to be acting.
Man and woman arguing Man Could I please get a word in edgewise Woman Go ahead. Rogge What really excites me about this is that it gives us a way that we can reach out and help couples on a wide scale, without needing thousands of therapists trained to work with each of the couples. We can offer couples a way of strengthening their relationships they can do completely on their own, and it's not like they re just, they have to do it with five movies and stop, they could make it a yearly thing they do around their anniversary, watch.
John Gottmans The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work
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