Couples in Crisis
Gtgt Dr. Jeff Kreutzer Taryn and I've worked with a lot of couples together and, and we, we, we saw a couple who is in the state of crisis because the, the husband had a very serious injury and had ideas that his wife was being unfaithful to him and he was really concerned that she was being unfaithful. The great thing about both of them was they're very open about their feelings or very honest about of what was going on, their concerns and the husband said, I'm really afraid that because I've changed you may not like me anymore.
And the wife very much insisted that she loved him as much as she ever did, we, we were very afraid for that couple because we felt that the wife was working really, really hard and was feeling very stressed out, was being very supportive and here her husband was meeting her with, I'm talking about how suspicious he was. What, what happened was we continued to meet with that couple over a period of several years, we basically said very firmly, your wife is not being unfaithful, it would help your relationship much more if you would acknowledge the good things that.
She is doing to, to help you and we also let him know that we were concerned about his wife that we would be open and honest with both of them and so over a period of time he began to see that his ideas were not based in reality, there were more fears related to his concerns about his personal shortcomings and the good thing about that is that we, we worked with them over a period of years, he's gotten a little bit better, he's been physically more capable, more ambulatory,.
And they've planned trips together, they've had a lot of good experiences together and so when looking back over their experience, we really thought that what the intervention that we use was effective because this was a couple that may be had they not sought out help, their marriage could have ended in disaster and we would call that a, a successful intervention. gtgt Dr. Taryn Stejskal And I think I would just add the related to that couple in particular, we also found some individual therapy for the wife. She didn't feel like she had.
Any friends or family that really understood what she was going through and so we are able to provide that for her. So she had someone to talk to about her feelings and her experience and someone to say you know this is, this is a really hard time for you and she said some, some weeks it was good to just have someone tell her that she wasn't crazy, she wasn't nuts, she didn't have to be over it yet. And the second thing that I would add is that we'd like to think that.
Toolbox Tuesdays Could Your Weakness Be Your Strength 661 4772196 Jennifer Hopes Therapy
Jennifer Hopes, Licensed Marriage Family Therapist. Last week, I briefly spoke about New Year's Resolutions and turning the table on an old habit where we used to use negative attributes as a basis for our New Year's Resolution. I kind of challenged you guys to use positive attributes. So, this really got me thinking about our perceived weaknesses, and I put perceived in quotes because I really think there's an emphasis on our own personal views, ultimately how that makes us feel about ourselves. So, I was recently given a compliment on my.
Forward thinking and timeliness and it made me laugh because I really wouldn't be so organized or forward thinking or timely without my anxiety. And, Robyn D'Angelo, Licensed Marriage Family Therapist, one of my colleagues and she talks about her anxiety as a superpower and makes the case for why sometimes anxiety can be good for you. And, I think there's something to be said about all of our faults or perceived weaknesses that they're not all bad. And that's a little bit of a lesson there for all of us in being a little bit more compassionate with ourselves, and working on our selfesteem.
And recognizing that those bad things aren't necessarily bad things. Everything in moderation. Even the healthiest of things can become bad if we allow them. So, maybe take a moment and recognize or identify, what is something you often struggle with It's maybe not one of your best qualities, but then challenge yourself to identify how it actually works for you. My anxiety definitely works for me. I'm not going to list all my other weaknesses to you, but there are plenty of ways where they are used to my advantage. So, consider.
Toolbox Tuesday Gently End the Interruptions 661 4772196 Jennifer Hopes Therapy
Jennifer Hopes, Licensed Marriage Family Therapist. I recently read an article posted by An Everyday Story about teaching our kids to stop interrupting in the middle of our conversations. So, we all know the younger a child is, the ore likely to tug at our shirts or call our name repeatedly when we're right in the middle of a conversation. So how can you get them to stop interrupting without repeatedly telling them to quit interrupting, which sometimes just reinforces their own behavior An Everyday Story talks about teaching your child to place their hand on your wrist when they have something they need to say.
And then you then place your hand over theirs, letting them knowthis communicates to them that you'll be with them in just a minute as soon as you finish your sentence. This is obviously something you're going to have to teach your child and discuss with them prior to doing it. It's going to take time and patience as they learn to reduce the impulse to tug at your shirt and call you by name. But ultimately, over time it can be very effective. So you can check out the full article with all the details by going to AnEverydayStory.
Toolbox Tuesday Use Visual Cues to Reach Your Goals 661 4772196 Jennifer Hopes Therapy
Jennifer Hopes, Licensed Marriage Family Therapist. Following last week's tutorial about reps for accomplishing goals, I really wanted to talk about another strategy to help all of you achieve your goals this month because it's a crazy holiday season, and sometimes that can cause some distractions for us and decrease our motivation at work. So, whether it's personal goals at home or professional goals at work, a great strategy is visual cues. This not only reminds you that you have tasks to complete, but it can motivate you as you see progress with those tasks. Small bits of progress on a larger scale.
So, there's a story of a stock broker who everyday he would go into work and he would have a jar full of 120 paper clips. And then a jar next to that that was completely empty. And he would start his day by calling 120 new clients and every time he would cross one person off the list, he would take a paper clip and put it in the empty jar. So, gradually as the day went on, one jar became more full than the other and he would accomplish his.
Goal. Over time, I think with like two or three years, he was a twentysomething year old making lots of money as a successful stock broker using this strategy. So, try it out. Think of a specific goal that you can use this paper clip strategy with. You don't have to use 120 paper clips, but maybe on a smaller scale. Just having that visual cue can make it a lot easier for you. Then apply the reps we talked about last week and see how much more successful you are at completing your goals. I will see you all next week for another Toolbox Tuesday.
Toolbox Tuesdays SelfCare this Thanksgiving Holiday Week 661 4772196 Jennifer Hopes Therapy
Jennifer Hopes, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Because this week is Thanksgiving and I have lots of clients talking about the multiple family engagements they're committed to I wanted to talk about the importance of selfcare. I think a lot of people forget about selfcare or push it to the bottom of their list because they assume it's something that's going to take them a long time to complete, and that's just not the case. It's something that should be implemented on a daytoday basis and it can take just a few minutes here and.
There throughout your day. So if you're an introvert, this is going to be especially helpful to you this week when you're having to attend lots of social activities with lots of different people. It's going to be really important that you take a few minutes to yourself throughout your day to get a breather. My personal favorite is my coffee in the morning. I really enjoy having that outside in the sun. That's not something I get to do very often maybe a couple times a weekbut I don't see the sun a whole lot, soobviously I'm super whitebut getting to do that every.
Now and then makes a huge difference in my day. And it doesn't have to take a long time, so consider some of those quick threeminute even activities that you really enjoy. Maybe it's journaling your gratitudes, or sitting in silence, or adding an extra three minutes to that hot shower you're enjoying in the morning. Lots of different things. Reading motivational quotes. Whatever it is doesn't have to take a long time, but it's something that makes you feel good and you usually forget to do or push to the bottom of.
Toolbox Tuesday A Resolution Youll WANT to Achieve! 661 4772196 Jennifer Hopes Therapy
Jennifer Hopes, Licensed Marriage Family Therapist. It's officially 2016, so I am sure there are lots of New Year's Resolutions swarming around and I wanted to take that opportunity to talk a little bit about putting a different twist on New Year's Resolutions. So, basically we create them based on behaviors or things about ourselves that we want to improve, which are usually things we are not happy with. The problem with New Year's Resolutions, as we all know, is that they usually end up not being very successful and they actually make.
Us feel worse about ourselves. So, the twist I wanted to do is instead of focusing on the negative things about ourselves, focusing more on the positive. What are the things that you like or you're really good at or you enjoy doing that are healthy for you I would suggest implementing more of those as a New Year's Resolution. Maybe if you like art, you will schedule time to go to an art museum once a month or, I don't know, maybe read up on new art. Maybe do an art activity. If you like reading, checking out new books,.
Making time in your day to read new stuff. Whatever it is for you. Travellingmaybe you do that on a quarterly basis. But, make it your New Year's Resolution to make time in your schedule for these things you enjoy. This is automatically going to put you in a better mood. It's going to give you time for that selfcare that we know is good for us, but we don't necessarily make time for. And, ultimately, you're going to be successful at this New Year's Resolution, which is the biggest thing. It's going to make you feel.
Toolbox Tuesday Use Repetitions to Reach Your Goals 661 4772196 Jennifer Hopes Therapy
Jennifer Hopes Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Many of you have probably already heard of the concept of reps when you're working out or exercising at the gym. So the idea is you complete a certain number of repetitions per exercise or set for an exercise. You usually do this with weights at the gym. So the purpose of it is to increase your weights, practice your form, and ultimately see gains as they call it at the gym, and accomplish your goals. So how does this apply to therapy A lot of times I'm talking with clients about their goals in therapy and in.
Life and I think we all have a tendency to get caught up in the bigger goal or the bigger picture and sometimes we have a tendency then to ignore what we actually need to do that the actions we have to take in order to accomplish that goal. So this is where the repetitions come in. We need to start implementing repetitions into your day in order to see some success with your goals. For example, at the gym nobody just goes into the gym sits down and starts writing about their goals to.
Get fit and firm and start looking great again. What they do is repetitions over and over everyday consistently and then gradually over time their goals are met. So I do the same thing with my private practice. I do two social media posts every week. Those are my two reps every week. A lot of people I have talked to have said that is a little bit too much pressure to provide that much content for everyone. It is my goal to try and figure out what is going to be helpful and what everyone.
Wants to hear. I cannot do that if I am not putting content out there and learning from the mistakes. So try it out for yourself. Figure out what your goals are and then how you can apply repetitions on a regular and consistent basis to meet those goals. In a few weeks time see if you have gotten any closer to your goals. I know I have in just several months probably of doing my social media posts. So try it out, comment below let me know how goes for you.
Managing Marriage Crisis
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