Key Peele Text Message Confusion Uncensored

BEEN TRYING TO REACH OUT TO YOU ALL DAY. ARE WE ON FOR TONIGHT sighs JEEZ. WHAT YOU CAN'T CATCH ME. YOU CAN'T CATCH ME. I'M LANCE MOORE. TOUCHDOWN, BITCH. WHAT PAUSE. phone chimes OH, SHOOT. KEEGAN'S BEEN TEXTING ME. SORRY, DUDE, MISSED YOUR TEXTS. I ASSUMED WE'D MEET AT THE BAR. WHATEVER. I DON'T CARE. phone chimes SORRY, DUDE, MISSED YOUR TEXTS. I ASSUMED WE'D MEET AT THE BAR. WHATEVER. I DON'T CARE. WHATEVER. I DON'T CARE WHAT THE FUCK IS HIS PROBLEM DO YOU EVEN WANT TO HANG OUT.

DO YOU EVEN WANT TO HANG OUT OH, THAT'S CONSIDERATE. LIKE I SAID, WHATEVER. LIKE I SAID, WHATEVER FUCK THIS GUY. JESUS, YOU. ARE FUCKING PRICELESS. AWW. YOU'RE THE. ONE WHO'S FUCKING PRICELESS THIS M THIS MOTHERFUCKER HERE. OH, HE WANTS TO OKAY, MMHMM. MMHMM. OKAY. YOU WANT TO GO. RIGHT NOW HMM. GUESS I COULD DO THAT. clears throat OKAY. OKAY, LET'S GO HE SAID OKA OKAY, LET'S GO ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO REALLY. DO THIS NOW KEEGAN, YOU NUT.

YOU'RE NOT PUTTING ME OUT. FUCK YEAH, LET'S DO IT OH, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! FIRST ROUND'S MINE. OH, NO! OH, NO! THERE AIN'T GONNA BE NO ROUNDS, ASSHOLE! IT'S GONNA BE A FUCKING STREET FIGHT! THIS SON OF A 'CAUSE TONIGHT WE GONNA PARTY AND THE PARTY DON'T STOP YOU! BUDDY! LIKE I SAID, FIRST ROUND'S MINE. A BEER AND A GIMLET FOR MY PARTNER RIGHT WHAT'S THAT UH, II GOT YOU A BASEBALL BAT WITH NAILS IN IT. FOR MY POSTAPOCALYPTIC JACKIE ROBINSON COSTUME.

The BreakUp 410 Movie CLIP Im Done! 2006 HD

Yeah, I think I'm gonna get Brooke some flowers.' ' You said on our very first date that you don't like flowers, that they're a waste of money. Every girl likes flowers, Gary. You said that you don't like flowers. I'm supposed to take that to mean that you do like flowers No. This is not about. You're not. God, you're not getting it. You're not getting this, Gary, okay It's not about the lemons. It's not about the flowers. It's not about the dishes. It's just about. How many times do I have to drop hints about the ballet.

You know I can't stand. Brooke, come here. We've talked about the damn ballet. I hate the goddamn ballet! You got a bunch of dudes in tights flopping around for three hours. It's like a medieval techno show. It's a nightmare. I sit there in a sweat. The whole thing, I do, wondering when the hell's the goddamn nightmare gonna end. Go to a damn ballet. It's not about you loving the ballet, Gary. It's about the person that you love loves the ballet and you wanting to spend time with that person.

Not when they're at the ballet. Okay. Forget the ballet! Forget the ballet! I will. We don't go anywhere together. We just went to Ann Arbor together. To Ann Arbor. To the MichiganNotre Dame game. You think screaming, drunk kids and leprechauns doing backflips, that's fun. That's fun for me. Come on, man. I did that for you. What do you. How do you show up for me I'm up on the bus every goddamn day for you! Come on. You. I'm busting my ass to be the best tour guide in the damn city,.

So I can make enough money to support both of us and hopefully you won't have to work one day. I want to work. All I ask, Brooke, is that you show a little bit of appreciation. That I just get 20 minutes to relax when I come home, instead of being attacked with questions and nagged the whole damn time. You think that I nag you That's all you do! All you do is nag me! The bathroom's a mess.' ' Your belt doesn't match.' ' Hey, Gary, you should probably go work out.' '.

Nothing I ever do is ever good enough! I just want to be left the hell alone! Really Is that what you want, Gary Is that what you want Yeah. That's what you want Yeah. Fine. Great. Do whatever the hell you want. You leave your socks all over this house, dress like a pig, play your stupidass tutorial game. I don't care, I'm done. What I'm done! I don't deserve this. I really do not deserve this. I deserve somebody who gives a shit. I'm not spending one more second of this life with some inconsiderate prick!.

AutoTune the News 2 pirates. drugs. gay marriage.

Perhaps the Constitution envisions certain onesize fits all solutions. Booorrrring! I hear a foghorn! Boorrrrinnng! legislature override a gubernatorial veto. Guboringital! II'm not feeling any. romance between us right now. You gotta do it like this Shawtayee! Ready, set, go! This was a pretty remarkable week on the gay marriage front. First of all, to have a state like Iowa Whatchoo tryna say about Iowa Not the east coast state. East coast! Not the left coast state. Left coast! In a decision written by a republican appointee.

Shawty, now you soundin so fine! Give me your number, we can bump and grind. Talkin about politics all night. Leavin the club in the mornin light. If we get carried away mornin light. we might get gaymarried today. We just heard from some of our viewers who strongly support legalizing marijuana. Shawtayee, 5 of those calls was from me. Do you think we should legalize pot alone or all drugs, including heroin, cocaine, and meth My brain says no, but my body says yes! I'm an angry gorilla. I heard you needed me.

Ooh oh ah ah Now that Captain Richard Phillips has been successfully rescued, the president has decided to step in front of the spotlight. Ooh, I'm angry! You can't see it, but my forehead's veiny. And even take some credit for authorizing the mission. Well, don't you worry, baby boo. You'll always have an angry gorilla to be angry with you. That's what I do. Just ask Donkey Kong. He's in my crew. At the North Pole, new satellite photos show arctic ice is melting so fast. Oh snap, how fast.

Many scientists now predict it will be gone within 30 years. Surely you jest! I'm under cardiac arrest, shawtayee! Some researchers think it could disappear in just six. Shit! Without it there could be a snowball effect. Ohhhh With temperatures rising even faster, if we all don't take bold action and take it soon, Yeah We will find ourselves on very thin ice. Very thin ice Very thin ice. Very thin ice. Tell em, Hillary, pirates on very thin ice. These pirates are criminals. They are armed gangs on the sea.

Justin Theroux on Wife Jennifer Aniston

So the last time I saw you, it was the beautiful wedding, and I haven't seen you since then and congratulations again Thank you, darlin'. For that amazing Thank you. cheers and applause Thank you. cheers and applause Oh, my God. cheers and applause It took so long for this to happen, and Oh, my God. I mean, it just It really was First of all, you held onto the ring forever before you even gave her the ring. Yeah, I had that forever, in my pocket.

Then you took forever for the wedding. You move slowly, Justin. laughter It's hard to schedule it. Yeah, I know, 'cause you were shooting. I was shooting, she was shooting, and then we were trying to figure out when the best time was, and And you know, we were trying to do it kind of under the radar, and we finally found the window. You did. Now, here's my question because I know that everybody's talking about this that some people were told that it was a birthday party.

Mmhmm. Most people knew I knew that it was a wedding Portia and I knew, and most people knew so very few people and you could spot the ones there that didn't know, that were in flipflops and jeans. Yeah. audience laughter Now what did you say to them, 'cause they must think that Oh, it was actually a massive miscalculation, because we thought, like, Oh, we're gonna tell some people this, and some people that, and then people that we really have to you know, that have busy schedules and whatever.

So then afterwards, we kind of realized, like, that was a terrible plan, because you're basically telling half your guests, You're unemployed and we can't trust you. audience laughter So Which was, of course, not the case, but we just sort of put it out there, and people that said yes to the birthday, and I'll be there, and then if they said, Oh, we can't, we'd really put more pressure on them to be at the birthday, and finally, we'd say, Listen, it's You need to come to the birthday..

Yeah, you need to come to the birthday. But there were some people that really did There were people there who were just in jeans and I know. We also had friends when we've done barbeques and stuff, that show up, like, dressed to the nines, like They're like, This is the thing, right And you're like, No, this is actually just a barbeque. Like, you know. Now you're calling her wife, I assume. Yeah. And that's a fun word, right I mean, did you do that I mean, the first couple days.

Of doing it, it's a great feeling, 'cause you're not saying Fiance, after a while sounds cute at first, then later on it's like, Uh, it's my fiance. Then, you get to say my wife. And you're right next to her. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah, right beside her. So, I know that you love motorcycles, and you but this is something I learned today, that Jennifer will not get on the back of the motorcycle She's gotten on like three times, but she's done with itshe doesn't want to do it anymore.

It's dangerous. She does not like it. She does not feel in control sitting behind someone driving fast on a motorcycle. Which I understandI wouldn't want to sit behind someone. I want to be driving. I got you something so that you don't feel alone when you're without Jen. cheers and applause Oh! Look at her. cheers and applause This is adorable. cheers and applause cheers and applause There she is. Oh, look at it. Ah, Jen! Hi! Jen What's going on.

You and Justin are such a cute couple. Oh, it's amazing. Oh. Don'tare you okay I'm doing great. She's just fixing her hair. Your husband is right there. Oh, I know, I love him. audience laughter It looks just like her, right It does! It's just unbelievable, the resemblance, and the blouse and everything. Yeah, everyshe always wears that blouse. And then, she's got swollen ankles. laughs I know! audience laughter She's always wearing those shoes, so they swell a little bit.

Weird Things All Couples Fight About

Cheery strings music play That's not how you fold the towels. It doesn't matter how you fold a towel. It does matter how you fold a towel. If you want it to fit in the closet, you have to roll it. loud crunch Oh my God could you chew any louder louder crunch This goes on here. It takes two seconds. Well.Then the next person who comes in will do it. That's not the point. Hey did you throw away my left overs No. I coulda swo ohh you bitch. What did you call me.

Nothing. The toilet paper goes over. It's printed that way so you could see it. No. The toilet paper goes under so that the cats don't get at it. That makes no sense. What do you want to get for dinner I don't really care. The just pick something. You choose. Told ya! Shut up. I don't see why I have to put the utensils face down Because when they're sticking up like that, if someone trips and falls, they're going to impail themselves and die. That's literally the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

I'm not playing this game where I list every single thing and you shoot it all down. I'm not doing this again. Well then I don't know what to tell you. Oh my gosh watch this! This is the best line. Did you watch this without me You weren't home! mug clanks Seriously! 6 more inches and it's in the sink. Well then put it in 6 more inches. heavy sigh Get it I get it. Anything will be fine. Fine. Fine! Alright! We're gonna get. pizza It's food. Anything but pizza. phone slams on table.

What do you wanna eat That is Bill Paxton! It is Bill Pullman. Bill Paxton was in Aliens.That is Bill Paxton. That is him. Game over, man. That is that man right there. Why am I gonna put them away I'm wearing them tomorrow morning. I don't care if you're wearing them tomorrow morning. I don't want them just sitting by my side of the bed all night. Why do you do this! You squeeze from the bottom. The next person doesn't have to squeeze then. It's toothpaste. It's not like it's hard to squeeze it from a new area on the tube.

Why are we fighting about this Why are we fighting about this Why are we fighting about this!. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. made you make the decision. With that being said, I think your original call of pizza is fine. Just no pepperoni. cheery strings music What do you want on it then Anything other than pepperoni. Oh my God! I'm going to murder you and when the pizza guy gets here, he's going to help me bury your body and then we're going to get married. No, he won't 'cause he'll probably be like Yeah I feel you, bro..

Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom Are Calling Off Their Divorce

For Complex News, I'm Sean Evans and according to a report from E!, Khloe Kardashian is giving her marriage to Lamar Odom a second chance. As was widely reported this week, the pair is still legally married despite being separated for two years and signing divorce papers in July. However in the wake of Odom's hospitalization last week, Khloe's lawyer have reportedly withdrawn the petition for divorce, a move which was in turn granted by a judge and now the divorce case is reportedly closed. By now, every one knows that Odom was hospitalized last week when he was discovered unresponsive.

At a Nevada brothel where he'd been partying for days. In the time since though, Odom has awaken from his coma, been transferred to a hospital in Los Angeles, and is in much better shape, though it's been reported that he still requires serious rehab in the coming months. Yesterday, Khloe released a statement in which she thanked the staff at Sunrise Hospital, as well as family, friends and fans for their support. We'll see where things go from here. That's the news for now, but for more on this story as it develops, subscribe to Complex.

The Try Guys Try Wedding Dresses

Alright, I'm gonna do a big ol' twirl. guys yelling woah rock music My name is Tak and I'm a designer for Aria. I like it. And I brought some beautiful gowns with me today and I'm gonna turn these guys into beautiful brides. Hi, Tak. Hi everyone. Tak So, I just need to know a little bit about your personalities. Well, I'm married, so my wife has been through this before, but I wasn't there. I really like fashion. Like a mini horse or a teacup pig as my ring bearer.

And I wanna look really hot. I want my wedding to be very fun. I like things that are couture. I want it to be a little quirky. Vin Diesel's probably officiating. I don't know if he's free. I'm a pretty classic guy. I like to wear polo shirts. When I think of Ned, I think of, that ass doe. That ass. That ass. He's a business in the front type guy who needs a party in the back. That is cute as beep.

This is my day. I want all eyes on me. Keith is one of the most exquisite, beautiful creatures I know. I think Keith should have something funky. I wanna look like Naomi Campbell. Eugene's gonna look prettier than any of us. Let's just get it over with. I think I have just the dress for you, Ned. Alright. Tak You ready to try it on Yeah, of course. You ready for it Yes. You'd get a lot of attention in this big ball gown.

Hell yeah! Very revealing. Look at that bosom. That's a high fashion pose. Looks like you're a hunchback. Your lower half is so hairy! Oh, it's so silky. What is this It is a petticoat. I'm gonna be so fluffy. That just slid on like a glove. Oh, it is tight in the back. I would have to get this dress altered. As soon as you start wearing that, seeing your nipples becomes weird. Literally spaghetti on my shoulders.

Ned, you didn't tell us you were pregnant. Michelle is 16. Oh, my gosh. Oh, you get to dive into it. I feel like Big Bird, but hot. Da da da da, da da da da. What is this made out of Tak Chicken feathers. Chicken feathers Uh oh, boobs don't fill it out. This is a mermaid cut. You should never cut a mermaid. I feel like a princess, a hairy Jewish princess. guys yelling ohhh! I can't move, I'm stuck.

Oh my God, those clamps! I feel like there's something missing though. I have just the thing to complete your look for you. Oh my God, it's like a cape. I'm getting married. Boys, you ready You gotta look to us. Wow. Damn it. He looks great. He looks pretty decent. Yeah. Ahh! Aww. You look so weird! It's like in the Walgreens, they always have that thing around Halloween that's like creepy sound. Was that weird for you, Ned.

I think Keith looks more handsome than ever. Do you, Eugene, take Keith to be your bride Go get it, bro. In for the kiss. Not the dress, not the dress, not the dress! laughter Got him. Got him. I think it's really nice to find a dress that matches your personality. Voiceover I feel so pretty in it. Voiceover It's a special day and you wanna find something that you feel special in. Also, I just think it's fun to hang out with your friends.

And sort of like, try on some clothes together. This veil is digging into my head, but just like, the way that it makes me feel, and all of the emotions that the wedding day implies, I just feel so perfect and beautiful and I know that all of the brides out there who are getting married, you're going to be so perfect and beautiful and I can't wait for you to get married. Voiceover You should lose five pounds though. Shut the beep up, Eugene! I will literally cut you!.

Key Peele Meegan, Come Back

ARE YOU KIDDING ME NO! SERIOUSLY, YOU'VE GOTTA COME BACK IN THE BAR RIGHT NOW. YOU COME BACK IN THE BAR! MEGAN, I DON'T EVEN bleep KNOW CLAIRE! YEAH, RIGHT! I'M SORRY! YOU LEFT YOUR JACKET! YEAH, WELL, WHY DON'T YOU GIVE IT TO YOUR NEW, FAT, UGLY GIRLFRIEND I HAVEN'T EVEN MET HER YET! WHATEVER! YOU LEFT YOUR JACKET, MEGAN! OH, THROW IT IN A RIVER! WHY WOULD I bleep DO THAT I DON'T CARE, I'M OVER IT!.

FINE! sighs GOD. MEGAN! LEAVE ME ALONE! YOUR JACKET, THOUGH! NO! SERIOUSLY, MEGAN! YOU START BUYING DRINKS FOR EVERYBODY AS SOON AS SHE COMES OVER. I MEAN, WHO DOES THAT MEGAN, COME BACK TO THE BAR! YOU'RE LITERALLY AN ASSHOLE! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE I CAN'T BE AN ASSHOLE. I GOT ARMS AND LEGS AND A HEAD! WHERE'S MY JACKET I HAVE YOUR JACKET! FINE. DO YOU WANT IT NO! YOU KNOW WHA EAT IT!.

WHY WOULD I DO THAT YOU KNOW WHAT I'M NOT FOLLOWING YOU ANYMORE! I'M DONE! FINE! I'M OVER IT! FINE! MEGAN, COME BACK TO THE BAR. NO! MEGAN! MEGAN! MEGAN! UHUH! NO! UHUH! boat whistle blows, bell rings MEGAN, DO YOU WANT YOUR bleep JACKET NO! SERIOUSLY, COME BACK TO THE BAR. YOU GO BACK TO THE BAR. I'M GONNA THROW THIS JACKET IN THE WATER. OH, NICE. THAT'S REALLY NICE. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO, MEGAN DAMN!.

Kim Kardashian Melts Down Over Lost Earrings

And we have in many of them cried as she and crying over a piece of jewelry ok that i think this is getting bigger movable i think suspect that i i know i lied or analyze the list was acquitted of that great dismiss here in our she freaks out over the room she stressed out over the internet and then send this into fight here the conclusions next ten days the repair you can make that but there is a real life they just got married conclusion number one.

End of this acute that behavior or gary had no idea what he's getting them so the new year note here as it was like that but would you have cilia these people and yes the marriage is certainly but is not the state in the sense of like a lessig reducing we don't really believe but it is because of motivated abide partly motivated by money before serious trade figured immediately shooting their honeymoon over the whole thing is that spectacle for entertainment made and they're profiting massively offered but it was a number three is looking back im and he's about small player.

Makes a lot of money they lose a semi but does not hearing is that was the big uh. kit which you had a note of that our money to buy a lot of survival are very first of all i would made out of army i'd be there been married numerous guru team great how much money did you make up your mind you make seventy million dollars off the wedding you didn't how much how much do you have to work to make seventy five thousand dollars and i.

Would like to use to make them one hundred so that look as they were going to have savings that is where the identify losses seventy five thousand dollar a year and i would be suicidal okay there's no question about it and then another thing is i wonder where diamond earrings when i look at the freakin beach an indication you know that we wear nothing okay i wear my bikini and i would be chilling that set flag your dumb for wearing seventy five thousand dollar incident beach a couple of years back in years.

But but well the whole world is ready writing for the end of the silly reality show and that's why they do this and so on the size of the people looking at your kids they're not looking at your years body can't believe you would suggest that it like that find those lekin all of that question a leading either for sure they fell in and with but i was a lot on forbes there are a bit under the assumption is the right about that but that doesn't look bad.

Part 1 No Breakup Or Divorce Staying Committed To Your Marriage Bishop T D Jakes

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