Picture this: you’re fighting with your partner and the tension is rising between you, then all of a sudden you notice a spark of anger in their eyes and KABOOM!!! A massive fight erupts. Now you’ve been here before and you know how these kind of fights end. Usually in icy cold silences with one of you sleeping on the couch and leaving a crater of hurt that could take weeks to recover from. Hi, I’m Bruce Muzik.
I’m a relationship coach and i help couples to stop fighting, start connecting and turn their marriages and relationships around. In this tutorial we are going to learn four counter intuitive strategies to stop any fight from exploding into a volcanic like eruption and actually resolve the conflict in any place. anytime. A big promise?. I know, and I’ve road tested all four of these strategies in my relationship coaching practice so I know that they work. Here is strategy number 1:.
Imagine you are in a boxing ring. and your opponent is throwing punches at you left, right and center What do you do? Well, you block and you duck and you defend yourself and whenever you get an opportunity you throw a couple of punches back, and they block and defend themselves and you go backwards and forth creating punches. When you’re defending. you are inviting them to attack and throw punches. When you are attacking, you are inviting them to defend. And what most people don’t see is that defense and attack are two sides of.
The same coin and as long as you’re defending yourselves you’re inviting an attack and as long as you are attacking you’re inviting your opponent to defend themselves. The only way to stop a fight is to actually step out of the ring. completely. Try this instead: Instead of fighting be defenseless. You are actually inviting conflict in by defending yourself, so here is an easy way to be defenseless. Find something you can agree with your partner about. Find something in what they’ve said that you can.
Agree with. you might hypothetically say something like yes honey, you’re right. i did leave the car headlights on and the battery is flat. With no yelling at you about leaving the lights on in the car. This is going to completely catch them off guard and interrupt that pattern of attack, defend, attack, defend, attack, defend. It will also sooth your partner and calm them down knowing that you’re not defending. That you are actually agreeing with them. But Bruce! I hear you cry. What if I can’t find something to agree with? Well. then you’re going to.
Try strategy number two. strategy number two is to demonstrate that you are listening. you see, we human beings have an almost primal need to feel heard and understood; and half the time your partner is upset their just wanting you to listen to them, they just want you to hear them so they can feel that you understand them and you care about what they are saying. So try this strategy to make you partner feel heard and understood. When they are talking with you in an upset tone of voice, instead of defending yourself; repeat back to them what.
They actually said. so you might say something like, so what i am hearing you say honey is that I left the lights on and the car battery is flat and now you’re gonna be late for work, did I get it? Notice at the end I put the phrase DID I GET IT? I did this because I want to confirm that I’ve actually understood what my partner says, it shows them how much I really want to understand what they are saying, and it’s also a sign of respect and calms down that reptilian part of their brain that might be about to get triggered. When.
They hear you say did i get it? they know that they are going to have an opportunity to speak and you’re just going to listen, you are not going to be defending. It’s a great way to deescalate conflict. Try it! It works like magic. I’ll teach you an even more advance version of this tool in my Love At First Fight coaching program, which I will tell you more about at the end of this tutorial. Now, strategy number three is to take ownership of the situation and apologize for your part in it. But you did left the headlights on didn’t you? Yeah.
Learn What To Do When God Tests You With Success with Rick Warren
if you’ll take out your message notes, past few weeks we’ve been in a series about passing the 10 common tests of life and they’re all covered in the Book of Daniel and in the Book of Daniel, we have all 10 of these tests. Eight of them are tested, Daniel himself had to go through,.
One of them his friend goes through, and one of them the King of Babylon, Nebuchadnezzar, has to go through, which we’re gonna look at today. Now I’ve said in each of these sessions that before there is blessing, there is always a testing. Before every blessing, there is always a testing.
God wants to see if you can handle what he’s about to give you. Greater responsibility, greater blessing, greater success or prosperity or spiritual experiences, greater influence. God wants to know can you handle what you’ve already got before he gives you even more and God tests you with stress.
Before he trusts you with success. We’ve talked about this every single week. God wants to see if you can handle it. Jesus explained this principle actually in Luke 16. Look up here on the screen. Jesus said this.
you must be proven trustworthy in small things before you will be trusted with greater things. That’s before every blessing there’s a testing. And if you have not been faithful with what is not your own, who’s gonna trust you to give you your own?.
Before god trusts you with success, he tests you with stress. Now so far in this series, we’ve looked at five tests. Let’s put them all up here on the board and see where we’ve been. We looked at first when your world is shaken up.
That means when the test of a major change. We’ve looked at when you’re pressured to conform. Peer pressure is a test in your life. We’ve looked at when your beliefs are belittled and remember we talked to the students particularly about that, about at school.
We talked about when you’re asked to do the impossible. When a boss or somebody in your life says, I need you to do this. You go, I don’t have the time or the money to do this. That’s a test, when you’re asked to do the impossible. Then we looked at when the heat is on.