I’m bringing up a topic that I hope isn’t goingto get anybody in trouble here today, that it’s financial infidelity. And we’ve donedivorce shows many times here on the show, and people always ask, you know, quot;Why areyou doing divorce on a fashion show?quot; Well, as I say every time, divorce is extremely financiallyburdensome if that’s the right way to say it. It’s a burden because it’s so expensive.And what we’ve found is that divorce isn’t always caused by infidelity of the kind you’rethinking about. Finances typically play one of the biggest parts in a divorce. In thisparticular case, we did some researching and we found an article by Kimberly Foss, it says,quot;Studies are showing that some 7 million Americans have a secret bank account or credit cardaccount that their spouses no nothing about, and most of those doing the hiding are menquot;,according to this study. Again, financial expert Kimberly Foss says, quot;Financial infidelityis more common than people think, and anything it’s on a rise.quot; Here today to answer of theselistener questions on a surprising but yet intriguing topic is our TLP, Colleen McNameefrom McNamee Mediations, and she is an attorney but she specializes in mediation. And Colleen,welcome back to the show! Thanks Dino! It’s good to be here! So Colleen, what are yourthoughts on Financial Infidelity? I mean, you see couples all the time. Would you saythis is this is a big topic or is it just on the rise, and now it’s starting to happenmore often? I think it’s just on the rise.
I was actually surprised that just in thelast week I saw that there was a whole show on this on the news, then the next morningI heard it on a radio show. And I thought, quot;Wow! This is really kind of an epidemic!quot;And it’s not something that I come across very frequently in the mediation atmosphereor at least not in an egregious way where there’s hundreds of thousands of dollars theother party doesn’t know about. But there definitely are a lot of situations where oneparty’s the breadwinner and then the other party maintains the household finances. Andthat’s very typical, very common. So then, in those scenarios, the breadwinner reallyhas no idea what the homemaker is paying, say for electric bills, credit card bills.You know, they’re just making the money and the other spouse is making the payments, andthey really have no idea. But it doesn’t mean that anything nefarious is a plan necessarily.And Colleen, we’ve talked about this. We’ve talked about it before the show. Valentine’sday, right? Yes. It just passed. And February, I think you told me, is one of the largestfilings for divorce, is that right? Well, it’s actually January into February. So, itis the Holidays coming off of Christmas and New Year’s, and probably Thanksgiving shouldbe included in that as well. And then, the Valentine’s Day holiday. It’s somewhere rightin between all of that. A lot of affairs and financial problems tend to be discovered,and then people start filing, or at least, making calls to educate themselves to educatethemselves on what it would entail to file.
How is it possible that somebody has a separatebank account or a separate credit card, and the other doesn’t know about it. I mean, I’mjust going to say it, I know everything, but maybe I don’t! I mean, how is that even possible?Well, I think you are not alone in wondering that because I easily keep wondering thatmyself. Like I just mentioned, a lot of people do have a division in how the bills are paid.And so, you have one primary person who’s paying all the bills and the other party isthe one who is making the money. And so, there’s just really an incongruity in managing thefinances because they have each developed their own roles, and there probably haven’tbeen any problems for the most part. But also, something that’s really common is that peoplehave separate bank accounts, especially when you have dual incomes and you don’t have ahomemaker and a breadwinner. And so what people are doing is they have one primary checkingaccount that they use pay all the household expenses out of, and then they have separateaccounts and that’s where their paychecks go, and they just put into the community onewhatever they need for their monthly expenses.
Being Civil in the Face of Infidelity
Hi, my name is Daphna Schwartz and I am alawyer with Feldstein Family Law Group. Today I am going to talk to you about being civilto your exspouse in the face of infidelity. Marriages end of many reasons, one being infidelity.When a marriage ends for this reason, it is inevitable that the spouse will be angry andhold resentment towards the spouse that cheated, especially if the spouse that cheated commencesa relationship with whom the person they had their affair.This anger can get in the way of coparenting children and can result in disagreements andconfrontations in front of children, especially when the new partner is around. Both spousesneed to be cognizant of the fact that they are only hurting their children and may causeemotional and/or mental harm to their children who are witness to these confrontations.The spouse that was hurt should try his or her best to be civil with their spouse andthe new partner, especially in front of their children. However, the spouse that had theaffair should understand the hurt that he or she caused their spouse, and should notbring the new partner around their spouse, especially when the children are present,and especially if the spouse has made this request.In reality, the separated spouses need to learn to play nice in front of their childrenas it is not the children’s fault that they separated and the children should not be putin the middle of their parents’ marital difficulties. If separating spouses are unableto control their anger and emotions towards each other in front of their children thenthey should seek the assistance of a counsellor for advice on how to move forward. This willbe helpful to both parties in order to resolve the issues arising out of their separation,and in the future.
For more information, please visit our websiteat www.separation.ca. If you would like advice on your own family law matter, you can schedulea consultation by calling 9054151636. From Feldstein Family Law Group, thanks for watching..