Picture this: You’re fighting with your partner and the tension is rising between you, then all of a sudden you notice a spark of anger in their eyes and KABOOM!!! A massive fight erupts. Now you’ve been here before and you know how these kind of fights end. Usually in icy cold silences with one of you sleepingon the couch and leaving a crater of hurt that could take weeks to recover from. Hi, I’m Bruce Muzik. I’m a relationship coach and I help couples to stop fighting, start connecting and turn their marriages and relationships around. In this tutorial we are going to learn

four counter intuitive strategies to stopany fight from exploding into a volcanic like eruption and actually resolve the conflict in any place… anytime. A big promise?.. I know, and I’ve road tested all four of these strategies in my relationship coaching practice so I know that they work.Here is strategy number 1: Imagine you are in a boxing ring… and your opponent is throwing punches at you left, right and center What do you do? Well, you block andyou duck and you defend yourself and whenever you get an opportunity you throw a coupleof punches back, and they block and defend themselves and you go backwards and forth creating punches. When you’re defending… you

are inviting them to attack and throw punches. When you are attacking, you are inviting them to defend. And what most people don’t see is that defense and attack are two sides of the same coin and as long as you’re defending yourselves you’re inviting an attack and as long as you are attacking you’re inviting your opponentto defend themselves. The only way to stop a fight is to actually step out of the ring… completely. Try this instead: Instead of fighting bedefenseless. You are actually inviting conflict in by defending yourself, so here is an easy way to be defenseless. Find something you can agree with your partner about. Find something in what they’ve said that you can

agree with. You might hypothetically say somethinglike quot;Yes honey, you’re right. I did leave the car headlights on and the battery is flatquot;. With no yelling at you about leaving the lights on in the car. This is going to completely catch them off guard and interrupt that pattern of attack, defend, attack, defend, attack, defend. It will also sooth your partner and calm them down knowing that you’re not defending. That you are actually agreeing with them. But Bruce! I hear you cry… What if I can’t find somethingto agree with? Well… then you’re going to try strategy number two. Strategy number two is to demonstrate that you are listening. You see, we human beings have an almost primal need to feel heard and understood; and half the time your partner

is upset their just wanting you tolisten to them, they just want you to hear them so they can feel that you understandthem and you care about what they are saying. So try this strategy to make you partnerfeel heard and understood. When they are talking with you in an upset tone of voice, instead ofdefending yourself; repeat back to them what they actually said. So you might say somethinglike, quot;So what I am hearing you say honey is that I left the lights on and the car batteryis flat and now you’re gonna be late for work, did I get it?quot; Notice at the end I putthe phrase quot;DID I GET IT?quot; I did this because I want to confirm that I’ve actually understood what my partner says, it shows them how much

I really want to understand what they aresaying, and it’s also a sign of respect and calms down that reptilian part of their brain that might be about to get triggered. When they hear you say quot;Did I get it? They knowthat they are going to have an opportunity to speak and you’re just going to listen,you are not going to be defending. It’s a great way to deescalate conflict. Try it! Itworks like magic. I’ll teach you an even more advance version of this tool in my Love At First Fight coaching program, which I will tell you more about at the end of this tutorial. Now, strategy number three is to take ownership of the situation and apologize for your part in it. But youdid left the headlights on didn’t you? Yeah

The Please Love Me Dynamic Teal Swan

♪ Intro Music ♪ Hello everyone … Today I’m going to talk you on a very grounded humanlevel, about one of the most fatal, but common, relationship dynamics that exists in today’s world. I’m gonna talk about this in its most common expression, which is between a Woman and a Man, but keep in mind that this not the only dynamic that this

can take place in. The genderroles can be reversed. And also, keep in mind that this same dynamic occurs in samesex couples. I’m going to call this Dynamic the quot;Please Love Mequot; Dynamic. In this Dynamic the Woman is continually trying to capture and keep a Man’s attention, and therefore, Love.

And the Man feels like he can’t ever please a Woman, and so, he can’t be loved so he withdraws. It’s that rubberband effect where the closer the Woman gets, the farther the Man withdraws. We’re gonna start with the Woman’s Part. This is a widespread epidemic. We have all seen those movies,

the movies like Romeo Juliet or The Notebook. We crave that level of intimacy. We crave the connection. We are jealous to the point of rage, of those women who somehow manage to manifest men who are crazy about them. Men who would climb walls and forge oceans and be there for them through thick and thin. Men who are masculine enough to not be threatened by them

and who masculine enough to take the lead. Men who appreciate them for exactly who they are, here and now. But what’s the reality? The reality is, that we find men who are never allin. We find men who are apathetic towards us. We spend every minute of our lives trying to come up with ways to entice him

into the center of the relationship. We try to inspire him to put effort into us. We feel like we have to do backbends to try to capture their interest and keep it. We end up exhausted. We end up feeling lonely. We may be in the same room, but, we’re quot;alonequot; in the same room.

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