Key Peele Office Homophobe
Rhythmic bass beat, sensual moans LATRELL WHAT'S UP, BABY GIRL CAN YOU PLEASE TURN THAT OFF WHY, YOU DON'T LIKE MY MUSIC IS IT MUSIC BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE A BUNCH OF SEX NOISES OVER A BASS LINE. OH. I GET IT. YOU DON'T LIKE MY MUSIC 'CAUSE I'M GAY. YOU CAN'T HANDLE A GAY MAN'S MUSIC. NO, NO, NO. IT'SI'M TRYING TO WORK HERE, AND THAT MUSIC IS WEIRDLY SEXUAL. OH, I SEE. SO MY SEXUALITY IS WEIRD. YOU JUST CAN'T FATHOM A MAN BEING ATTRACTED.
TO ANOTHER MAN. I CAN FATHOM IT. IT'S CAN YOU JUST PLEASE LISTEN TO SOME OTHER GAY MUSIC, LIKE BARBRA STREISAND OR SOMETHING OH, I SEE, I SEE. OKAY. SO LISTENING TO BARBRA STREISAND IS GAY. STEREOTYPE MUCH keys clacking SO YOU SEEING ANYBODY LATELY YEAH, II MEAN, KIND OF. I THINK 'CAUSE I GOT IT GOOD LAST NIGHT. OH, IT WAS LIKE, DAMN! I MEAN, MY MAN WAS LIKE, BLOP! LIKE, HE HAD A BABY ARM HOLDING ON TO A APPLE. AW, DON'T CALL IT A BABY ARM.
AW. I SEE. SO YOU CAN'T HANDLE HEARING ABOUT HOW I'M GAY. I'M SORRY. YOU JUST REFERRED TO YOUR BOYFRIEND'S PENIS AS A BABY'S ARM HOLDING AN APPLE. WELL, THAT'S WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE. AND IT'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND, BY THE WAY. AND ANYWHATS, YOU'RE HOMOPHOBIC. NO, NO, NO. THAT'S NOT HOMOPHOBIC, OKAY YOU'RE EXPLICITLY TALKING ABOUT SEXUAL THINGS IN THE WORKPLACE. FINE. THERE'S PLENTY OF STUFF THAT WE CAN TALK ABOUT. YOU KNOW, UH, MY PENIS CUP, MY SCROTUM COZIES THAT I HAVE BEEN KNITTING RECENTLY.
OH, WITH THESE KNITTING NEEDLES THAT I HAVE JUST NOTICED LOOK LIKE LITTLE, SKINNY, PURPLE PENISES, ET CETERA AND ET CETERA. OH, MY GOD. CAN I SHOW YOU A PICTURE, AND THEN YOU TELL ME IF IT'S GOOD FOR FACEBOOK OKAY, I'M FAIRLY CERTAIN YOU'RE GOING TO SHOW ME SOMETHING OVERTLY SEXUAL. DON'T YOU PREJUDGE ME! HERE IT IS. AGH! bleep! THAT'S A CLOSEUP OF AN ANUS. OH, NO, THAT'S NOTltigt ANltigt ANUS. THAT'S MY ANUS, BABY GIRL. THAT'S DISGUSTING. OH, I SEE.
SO YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE A CLOSEUP PICTURE OF MY ANUS 'CAUSE YOU HATE GUY MEN. NO. I DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT A CLOSEUP PICTURE OF ANYONE'S ANUS. HOMOPHOBE. HOMOPHOBE. THERE'S A HOMOPHOBE RIGHT HERE. HO blows whistle HOMOPHOBE ALERT! highpitched voice HOMOPHOBE! imitating siren wailing HEY. HEY, BABY. HOW'S IT GOING GOOD. READY TO GO TO LUNCH YEAH. UH, LATRELL, THIS IS GAVIN. GAVIN, THIS IS LATRELL. THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND. HOW YOU DOING I'MI'M I'M DOING VERY WELL. HOWHOW ARE YOU DOING, GAVINGAVIN.
Mike Rowe Worst Advice Ever
MR Want to see something scary I mean worse than scary like disgusting Okay. This will turn your stomach, but you ask for it Prepare yourself for the worst advice in the history of the world. Work Smart NOT Hard. You've heard the expression back in the early seventies when college needed a P.R. campaign. Somebody put this on a poster and you can see at a glance what they were suggesting. If you're not this guy you might wind up like this guy. Today skilled trades are in demand in fact there are three million jobs out.
Regis Philbin Worst Christmas Gift
Gtgt HI, REGIS! gtgt SO WE GOT REGIS PHILBIN AT ARRIVING AT L.A.X. AIRPORT. gtgt DID YOU HAVE A GOOD HOLIDAY gtgt YEAH, SAW MY CHILDREN. gtgt WE'RE LIKE DID YOUR CHILDREN GET ANY GOOD GIFTS FOR YOU. gtgt NOT YET. gtgt NOT YET gtgt NO, I GOT IT. gtgt THEN WE ASKED AN AWESOME QUESTION. WHAT'S THE WORST PRESENT YOU PROBABLY GOT FROM SOMEBODY. gtgt HE'S THINKING, THINKING. HE LOOKS OVER AT HIS WIFE. HE WAS LIKE gtgt MAYBE IT WAS THE CUISINART THAT YOU GOT ME AND I WAS.
Michael J. Fox Gives Marriage Advice
YOU HAVE JUST COME BACK FROM VACATION OR WHEN DID YOU TAKE YOUR FAMILY ON VACATION WELL, WE WENT OVER THE WINTER BREAK, THE HOLIDAY BREAK, AND WE WENT TO ST. BARTS, WHICH SOUNDS GREAT. AND THERE'S BEAUTIFUL ISLANDS LIKE PROVENCE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CARIBBEAN. BUT THERE'S A LOT OF PHOTOGRAPHERS THERE, AND SO MY WHOLE MISSION BECAME TO NOT GET MY WHITE FISH BELLY PHOTOGRAPHED. THEY DIDN'T GET ME, SO OH, THEY DID GET YOU. YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE PICTURE OH, NO. OH, MY GOD, YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THIS.
IT'S AMAZING. cheers and applause laughing NO WONDER I'VE BEEN MARRIED 25 YEARS. laughing YEAH, YOU HAVE. THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING. YOU JUST CELEBRATED YOUR 25TH ANNIVERSARY. YEAH. cheers and applause AND I WOULD IMAGINE, SINCE YOU GO TO ST. BARTS JUST FOR CHRISTMAS, FOR A 25 ANNIVERSARY, YOU WOULD DO SOMETHING BIG. WENT TO BROOKLYN, HAD PIZZA. OH, YEAH. YEAH, WE DID, WE WENT TO BROOKLYN AND HAD PIZZA ON OUR 25TH ANNIVERSARY. IT WAS GREAT. I MEAN, THE COOL THING ABOUT THE 25TH ANNIVERSARY.
WAS THAT WE KIND OF WOKE UP AND SAID, WELL, I GUESS THIS WORKED. UHHUH. SIGN UP FOR ANOTHER 25. SO WE DID. AND WE HAVE. AND WE CEMENTED IT WITH PIZZA IN BROOKLYN. THAT'S BEAUTIFUL. AND WHAT DO YOU DO THAT BUGS HER, AND WHAT DOES SHE DO THAT BUGS YOU WELL, SHE CLAIMS THAT I SPEAK IN A TONE THAT CAN ONLY BE HEARD BY DOGS AND. AND S.A.S. LISTENING DEVICES. I MUMBLE AND I SPEAK AND I SPEAK IN A KIND OF A MONOTONE RUMBLE,.
AND SHE CAN'T HEAR ME. AND SO SHE'LL SAY, WHAT ARE YOU TELLING ME I TOLD YOUI GAVE YOU A WHOLE SPEECH ABOUT IT. SHE'LL SAY, I DIDN'T HEAR YOU. SPEAK UP. SO THAT BUGS HER. WHATI WOULDN'T SAY WHAT BUGS ME, BUT I'M A OPTIMIST. I'M KIND OF FAMOUS FOR MY POSITIVE OUTLOOK, AND I EXPECT THE BEST THINGS TO HAPPEN. TRACY IS A REALIST AND A BIT OF A PESSIMIST AND A BIT OF A HYPOCHONDRIAC. laughing SO SHE GETS A BLISTER ON HER TOE, THE FOOT'S COMING OFF.
AND SO I'M ALWAYS AND THAT BUGS HER, TOO, 'CAUSE I'LL AND THE THING THAT I SAY TO HER THAT BUGS HER SO MUCH IS WHEN I GO, OH, WELL. SHE SAYS, DON'T SAY, OH, WELL. I SAY, OH, WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO THAT'S THE WAY IT GOES. SHE DOESN'T WANT TO HEAR THAT. YEAH. NO, SHE WANTS YOU TO SAY, THAT'S HORRIBLE. LET ME LOOK AT THAT CAN I TAKE CARE OF IT YEAH, I'M NOT GONNA DO THAT. OH. laughs ALL RIGHT, WELL WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING, IT'S WORKING.
Weird Advice Pregnant Couples Get
Nice day. Hey! You guys expecting Yeah. Oh, well can I give you some advice Can I give you some advice Can I give you some advice Can I give you some advice Sure. I can tell you're having a girl. You're carrying very high. I can tell you're having a boy 'cause you're carrying so high. Actually, you shouldn't be eating lemons. Yeah, they make your baby hairy. This one came out looking like a wookie. What, she did!.
Do you wear pee pads No. Well you should, because you're gonna be peeing your pants lot. If you have a csection make sure that you close your eyes because the doctor just scoops out you organs and puts them on the table next to you. Wait, what You take the placenta and you boil it down into pills. I did that after my second was born. It cured my anemia. Very salty, though. You know what they say, is if you have like a glass and a half of wine a day,.
It's actually okay. Now, you dip this thumb in iodine, you might get by without the orthodonture. But it won't knock a thing off the university. Are you preregistered for a preschool Are we Well, you gotta do that. You know what's great as lip balm Nipple cream. Oh, it's so moisturizing. Oof. Ooh, I know what that pain is. Someone gave you ojo, the evil eye. Do you have an egg with you No. We need to rub an egg on your belly and say a prayer.
Gotta save the baby. It's not a thing. No, that's a thing. Ooh! Oh, no, no, sweetheart. Don't lift your arms too high over your head. Yeah, the umbilical cord will wrap around the baby's neck and strangle it. What Yeah. Yes. You really shouldn't eat sugar. it can make the baby hyperactive. Should she be eating sugar Um, where did you get cake Oh, and don't get an epiural, 'cause you can't feel you're pushing too hard and then.
You'll just tear your taint right up to your asshole. Cute! And you're not still living with your cats, are you Oh, no, you gotta get rid of 'em. Cat litter's poison, and they'll steal the baby's breath! laughs No, we don't want kids. No, we don't. We're trying to reduce our carbon footprint. A baby has a carbon footprint of 25,000 plastic bags. laughs Oh, you're serious. You're not having sex while you're pregnant, are you That's kinda private. You'll poke the baby right in the face.
I don't think that physically it's possible. Yep, you'll poke the baby right in the face, and then for the rest of their life they'll have a fear of penises. Oh my gosh, and there's only like one good preschool, and I don't even know what it is! Have you done your research I don't know what it is. Oh no, this kid is doomed. We are gonna screw this kid up. No, we're not. Yes, we are. Because everyone has something different to say,.
And the first person contradicts the second person, and I don't know who to listen to. That's the point. What Listen, there's no one right way to have a baby. All we can do is listen to our doctor and then decide what we think is right. You're right, you're right. You guys expecting Mmhm, yeah. Can we give you some advice I had twins. Ooh! Ruined my body. Oh. I'll never take a bowel movement the same way again.
Worst Sex Advice Ever Dan Savage American Savage TakePart TV
A million and one sex tips you should never try coming up on american savage there's a lot of terrible sex advice out there are lots or sex tips in particular that are out there and I'm going to do what I can to knock some of that terrible sex advice down. Right now. Push the envelope. Sneak off for a quickie in Grandma's bathroom during thanksgiving dinner. is there anything less sexy than thanksgiving dinner No! if you want to fuck on thanksgiving, fuck first fuck before you go to dinner with your families.
If you push the envelope during oral meaning, if you push your dick down someone's throat after they have a gut full of thanksgiving chow. fuck helping with the dishes you are going to be helping mop up your girlfriend's vomit off the fucking bathroom floor people try to do this, they try to make thanksgiving sexy and make christmas sexy they're not sexy, they are not Sprinkle a little pepper under his nose right before he climaxes. Sneezing can feel similar to an orgasm and amplify the feel good effects.
That will definitely blow his mind. His mind will still be blown when he tells all his friends why he dumped you that night Very softly bite the skin of his scrotum Just be sure to take your teeth out first On a dinner date, always position yourself at a 90 degree angle to her Here's a sex tip, don't accept sex tips from people with obsessive compulsive disorders Revamp oral sex by going down on him with pop rocks in your mouth. The Candy will be a fun surprise He'll think your teeth are dissolving around his dick.
It feels like what you imagine the transmission of a sexually transmitted infection feels like And you'll choke if you're planning if you're putting pop rocks in your mouth, while shoving a dick in your mouth It's just going to shove pop rocks down your throat, up into your sinuses, around the top of your soft pallet it's not comfortable don't do it have sex, then have dessert, have sex then have some candy, have sex then have a drink don't have sex, candy, and a drink during sex Sneak a condom into your man's bedside table. The next time he opens it he'll start thinking about you nonstop.
19 Unexpected Perks of Being Married
Soak It Up , WarnerChappell Music Zimbabwe, Supreme Court ruling Zooey Deschanel! Yes! Yes! What groaning Blueberry, and mango, no banana. Are you trying to get diabetes We're done, we're done, we're done. Feeling all right laughs Oh, Matt, you need to get her number because you guys live right next to each other. Bye, sweetie. Bye. So what do you think about one girl and one boy I was more thinking like one girl and two boys.
Americans Try Surstrmming The Smelliest Food In The World
They say that when you first open a can of surstrmming, it's one of the worst smells in the world. Let's not do it then. I don't want to. Oh! Oh! Oh! You've broken the seal. Oh! Oh, God! Okay, nope. I'm not. Oh God, no! Okay, all right. Voiceover Oh my God. people retching Voiceover It's sewage. It's sewage in a can. Voiceover Oh my God Voiceover I'm out. Voiceover Can we leave Voiceover It's so bad.
Voiceover Oh, it's coming, it's traveling! Voiceover Oh! Voiceover It's traveling! Voiceover Oh God. Someone turn on the air! I have the worst gag reflex. I'm definitely gonna heave. retches It's one of the worst things I've ever smelled in my life, and I can't wait to get out of here. I smelled this from outside the building. I don't see how you can eat this indoors. There's a lot of terrible smells in there. It's like fish. Baby diaper.
Cheese. Durian, the fruit. And dead body. It smells like foreskin. And all these things got together and they were like, Hey, let's hang out! Like regret, like you smell regret. And it's weird because you smell it at first, and you're like, Oh, that smells bad. It's like a national park bathroom that somebody just dumped a bunch of dog food in. Then another smell kicks in, and you're like, Oh, that really smells bad. No, it smells like dook. It smells like poo.
Then another one kicks in, and you're like, I'm done. retches Have people been puking retches I can taste it already! retches I can't even look at it! The tin looks like it's left over from World War II, honestly. knife clatters Holy shit. I think it's just in a soup of its own fermentation. retches No, no, I thought there were gonna be pieces, it's just soup! Oh, it looks like a booger! It's dripping gray juice. This doesn't look like a real color.
Vomit. retching It looks like when you walk by a sewer, muck and bacteria that has congealed. Taking it out and putting it on a plate intensified the smell. Has anyone eaten this actually fork clatters Nope, not doing it. Sorry guys. You gotta draw the line somewhere. fork clatters It's worse, it's worse than you think it's gonna be. It does not taste even a quarter as bad as it smells. It tastes very briny, extremely salty. You know, I still don't want to eat more of it.
I kind of just want to get out of this room. I can imagine this probably tastes better with side dishes or maybe rolled up in something. fork clatters What the fuck is this, and where is it from And how do I never have this again spitting Scratch that off the bucket list! I feel like the smell is so overwhelming that it's informing my taste buds to not like it. retches Do I have to swallow it No. No, I don't want to.
There's kind of a really clean fish taste in my mouth at this point. At the very beginning, it was, I don't even know what that taste was. retches Why is it hairy And there are definitely bones in it. Should I stick this whole thing in my mouth How could this be more heinous retches It is the worst thing I've ever eaten, the worst thing I've ever smelled or put in my mouth. And I am not exaggerating. That is the weirdest thing in the world.
It's awful. Ugh! The coolest thing about this is that it's pretty badass if you enjoy it and eat it. I mean, not many people in the world, I think, could stomach this. Yeah, my final thought is that I never want to have this again. So let's close it, and close this chapter on our lives. can lid scraping Together. It's something that's culturally sensitive, and people should respect that someone out there eats this and enjoys it. They must have very, very limited access to their sense of smell because.
Weird Things Pregnant Couples Do
Playful music Come on, come on, show us some movement. Come on, give us like a hand or a foot, something. Give us something we can send to grandma. laughing Who hoo hoo! There you are. You ready to go Yeah. I have to pee. Then you're not ready to go. Double cheeseburger, a large fry and a chocolate milkshake. father A double cheeseburger, a large fry and a chocolate shake. And can I also get a couple of apple frit And a couple of apple fritters.
And you know what, give me a sundae too. And a sundae too. chomping Nice! I got sushi. You can't have sushi. But you can. father I already ate. Eat it! Slower. Yeah, that's right. Can I get like one with the larger size. Okay, scratch the 12, make it a 24. And can I also get Do they make like gravy that they can put on the fries. Do they have any gravy father Alright, this is weird, do you guys make gravy.
Oh censor beep mom Ooo don't curse in front of the baby. Babies can't hear what I'm saying right now. Um, yeah they can. censor beeps Stop! censor beep Are you kidding me right now I have to pee. Now try this one. I don't like this kind. Just try it! Voiceover As the baby head crowns, the vagina will experience what some refer to as the ring of fire. sighs Why did you make me watch this I don't know. I gotta pee.
Wait, oh, oh, are they still serving breakfast Are you still serving breakfast because I would really like some pancakes. Because she would really like some pancakes. horn Sorry, I'm sorry. Just hold on! Gees! Tell me how much you love it. sobbing I love it so much. coughing Okay, I'm good. Thanks for that. I have to pee. classical music through headphones rap music through headphones Hey! little farts with each step father laughing Stop, I can't help it. father Come on, it's funny.
Can you believe it What In just a little bit there's gonna be a real living baby here, like a real, screaming, crying, pooping baby. I know. And I can't wait to meet her. Are you ready laughing No, are you I don't think anybody ever really is. What do you think I think. I have to pee. I love you babe. mom I love you too. You do What's your favorite album Joshua Tree, Rattlin' Hum, I really like Boy.
Women Share Awkward First Kiss Stories
It was just like a dart, darting motion, and I was like I don't think this is how it's supposed to be. Build it up by WarnerChappell Production Music Voiceover This very small man came over and wanted to dance with me. You know, you sort of walk around in a circle like that so, it was like this little like turtle creature coming towards me. And I it was literally like a washing machine. The tongue in circles inside my mouth and around the outside and I ran back to my friend.
I went like this. I had to be cool. Basically, it was this dude who I went to Shakespeare Camp with and I'd been plotting to make out with him and we like met up the whole time like putting my face really close to his. Finally, he like leans in. It felt like a little chicken was giving me a little snack, but I was so happy. So we went to the cinema. His mom actually chaperoned us. A kissing scene came on in the movie, and we were like, do you wanna.
It just felt like two warm slugs kinda battling it out. It was like, this is it I was a super proactive fifth grader. I had this planned out with my girlfriends, so it was like the four of us sitting on the couch and I just like lean over and go around his face and just kiss him. We became the first couple in fifth grade that was making out. We were doing high school musical The Musical. We were in our stage makeup and then was just kinda like.
Going in and then I moved, and he was like and hit his head like right up against the locker and he kinda hurt himself, and then I just kind of ran away and said my mom needed to pick me up. I think I was three months away from being 21. So we had just gotten back from salsa dancing. I just like lingered there for a second enough for him to just like start kissing me and in my head I was like, Yeah! My dominating reaction was just this is really salty.
And cold and then I went back to my apartment and wrote a three page long journal entry about it. I just decided like okay this is the day. I was on top of the picnic table like dancing and doing something silly. I just like fall off the table like very dramatically and my Lifiola, she knows what I'm gonna do. She knows and she's like Yulen fix it, like you know, like give her mouth to mouth or something, and then he's like no, and then he starts to tickle me.
Worst Marriage Advice
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